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Living for the Unexpected

So now that I'm done with Harry Potter, I'm at a bit of a loss. What should my next goal be? What should I look forward to? I was a big fan of the Indiana Jones movies. When I saw the first one, I was so blown away that I sat through it two times in succession. But I'm a little nervous about this next one. After all, Harrison Ford is getting a little old to play him. Any new TV series on the way that I can't wait to see? Not really. I've been a big fan of 24, but they'll have to win me back after last season.

Is there a book coming to equal Harry Potter? I don't know of any. So again, what's my goal? We've all known people who have been fighting a terminal illness and who have decided they want to survive long enough to enjoy their next birthday, next Christmas, next family milestone. And it's amazing that so many make it. I guess the mind really can do things that we still don't understand.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I stayed alive just to read Harry Potter. If that were the case, I would have read much more slowly. But as I look into an uncertain future, I wonder if there is something out there — a goal, a target — that I should set for myself. And I realize there really isn't. Because what gives me so much joy in life, what I want to hold on to, is the fact that I have no idea what's waiting for me. It's the mystery, the adventure, the unknown.

Life with cancer can be so predictable in so many ways. We all pretty much know the routine by now. We know our way around the hospitals, we can throw various medical terms into our conversations with ease. We know the pain that is coming, or that we live with every day. But what makes up for all this are the unexpected pleasures that can happen at any time. As cancer has limited my life, has narrowed it in ways that I hate, I still live for the unexpected, big or small. So there's no date that I have circled on my calendar. I like leaving it blank. We all know there will come a day, sooner or later, when death comes to find us. But I hope that even on that day, I will wake up and say, "I wonder what's next?"

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