I am losing weight. And I'm not supposed to be. My doctors aren't so happy. When I was first diagnosed with a brain tumor, I was given steroids to reduce the swelling. Well steroids also make you really hungry, and it was Christmas time. Bad combination. The house was full of food, and I was ready to eat it all. Needless to say, I put on weight. And since I wasn't really in any shape to work out, I kept it on.
Until a couple of months ago. When I had my first spinal surgery, I started to lose weight in the hospital. That continued with the second, and then third, surgeries. I've lost a substantial amount now. There are some good reasons for that. The first was hospital food. I know that they try hard, but it still amazes me that a hospital that can work medical miracles can't make decent meals. Secondly, I had lost my appetite somewhat. With everything going on, I just didn't feel like eating. And they served dinner at 5:30. Who's ready to eat then? I spent a fair amount of time in Latin America, and lived in Miami. Dinner there starts around 10:00, and I got used to that.
But since I've been home, I thought I was eating a lot. When I started the radiation a week ago, my appetite went down a little, but I still thought I was eating a fair amount. But when I got weighed today, I was shocked. I'm not just skin and bones — far from it. But I've also lost a lot of muscle and just bulk I guess.
Part of this is caused by the disease too. Cancer changes your metabolism. You can eat, but still lose weight. This is a real concern, one that I have to take seriously.
So I've been told to eat a couple of those nutrition shakes a day. It's funny, you may be hungry, but when you're told to eat, that you have to eat, all of a sudden you lose that hunger. I think back to my days as a wrestler in high school. In order to lose weight, I ate one meal a week. Literally. My parents found me sleepwalking out in the kitchen, pulling cans of food out of the cupboards. After that, I was terrified that I would eat in my sleep and not know why I didn't make weight. It was a terrible time.
Now I guess things have come around completely. Maybe I should leave some food out at night in the hopes that I will eat it in my sleep. Who knows, it might work.