NPR logo The Sadness That Comes With Cancer

The Sadness That Comes With Cancer

The cancer has changed Laurie.

She wants to talk about it in a way she never has before.

Where do all these tears come from? They just fall from my eyes, spilling over without warning.

Through this entire cancer struggle, I've never really had crying jags. I guess there wasn't time ... I was too focused on helping Leroy push back against this killer.

I tried so hard to keep him engaged in life that I never really gave in to the sadness that comes with living with cancer.

Oh, I've had my moments ... when the first doctors looked at us after the diagnosis and said, "Three to six months to live." The news so long ago that the cancer had jumped the chemo. And there have been other times, too.

But not like this.

It's like I've tapped into a well, deep down inside my heart, where it's breaking.

As Leroy's cancer progresses and changes him, it changes me too.

I have found tears I never knew I had.