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Cutting Room Floor

Laundry, Not So Much

We're chasing an ender today about when "green"... gets gross. Sometimes saving the environment can be sort of a pain in the butt (literally), or, in the case of overgrown lawns and clotheslines, downright eyesores. (More on that later, hopefully on the show.) Which brings me to the clotheslines. When I moved into my first house, my sister was nice enough to give me this book on housekeeping. It's no secret that I'm not much for the domestic sciences; it's hard to walk out of my house without cat hair and a string cheese wrapper clinging to you. But I felt inspired by this encyclopedia of domesticity. Finally! A method to fold fitted sheets! A complete explanation of what dust mites eat (you)! The enzymatic makeup of stains! I spent weeks in my dusty and dirty house, eating string cheese and reading the book. I was much enthused. I was going to become one of those people whose homes you can walk in barefoot! I took my good intentions to the bedroom first - "The Cave of Nakedness." (How can you possibly not love a book that quotes Auden for housekeeping inspiration?) The list was endless: air the bed out, windows open, while you're in the shower. Iron the sheets, and if you can't manage that, at least the pillowcases. (Seriously, my clothes are wrinkled. %^#%$ the pillowcases.) And while laundering one of your three sets of high quality sheets, remember, don't put them in the dryer. Put them on a clothesline, in the sun (I felt like "in Tuscany," might be coming next). And that's where I got strung out — the clothesline. Imagine stumbling out to your balcony with soaking sheets, waiting for the sunny day, stringing up a line that's long enough for a queen set! I gave up. I want to be environmentally and domestically healthy, really I do, but it's simply too much. I am unashamed to say I've let go — every night I crawl into my wrinkled bed with a good book, and eat a cracker and some string cheese.*

*This is not to say, however, that the book is not fascinating, and those who are morally superior to me will probably benefit greatly from it. Happy ironing.