NPR logo Why I Hate Animal Lovers

Why I Hate Animal Lovers

I like animals. I like people who like animals. I hate people who love animals to the point they lose their sense of reason. I'm talking the "my computer wallpaper is my dog," "I hang a Christmas stocking for my cat" crowd.

Ellen Degeneres shows she also cares about inanimate objects at the 34th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards in June 2007. Frazer Harrison/Getty Images hide caption

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Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

I was reminded of my hatred for this bunch during the Ellen DeGeneres/Iggy the Euro-mutt saga that's "so insane" (those are Ellen's words) that I'm not going to bother detailing it. It's linked here, but I'm guessing your local news gave the story more coverage than Turkey's parliament authorizing military action into northern Iraq.


I like Ellen. Ellen's funny. So it's not that I have anything against Ellen falling apart on camera over the plight of Iggy. It's not that I got my ire up just 'cause Ellen's so stressed by the Iggy deal she had to shut her show down for a long weekend (a word for you, Ellen: Petco). I guess I'm put out by the animal-loving crowd that loves animals so much some of them have made death threats against the woman who runs the shelter that gave Iggy a second shot at life in the first place. Death threats for having the audacity to follow her shelter's guidelines. I guess there's some sort of twisted logic in threatening violence against a human over a dog.

If you value animals over humans.

I like animals, as said. However, I don't value them over beings who walk upright, have opposable thumbs and can one-click their music over iTunes.

But animal lovers — the "when I die I'll bury it next to me" hard-core ones — have always had a misguided sense of proportion.

Like with Michael Vick. For his involvement in the doggie death matches he was sponsoring, Vick's facing charges from the feds and the state of Virginia. But it makes me wonder why there's been less media attention — and less public haranguing — directed at a genuine thug like Adam "Pacman" Jones. Jones, as some will recall, was the football player who allegedly slammed a dancer's head into a stage at a Vegas strip joint. And shot a bouncer. And bit his ankle.


Not that Jones is getting a total pass. He's facing criminal charges accusing him of inciting a melee and a civil lawsuit. And he was suspended from the NFL for at least 10 games.

But, then, Vick's been suspended indefinitely and without pay.

Clearly to a lot of people in the NFL, the media and the gen pop, cruelty to animals is more heinous than cruelty to people.

Maybe people are making a bigger deal out of Vick because Vick's more famous than Jones. But Jones' victims were more human than Vick's.

Human enough they deserve some on-set tears from Ellen. But apparently that kind of emotion's reserved for those who drink from toilets.