A weekend installment of the online play-at-home news quiz.
1) New Republican presidential front-runner Rick Perry once referred to his own brain as what?
A) "Lil' Ricky"
B) "The Thinkmaker"
C) "A chicken pot pie"
D) "The glorious result of millions of years of evolution"
He called his brain a "chicken pot pie," in comparison with Karl Rove's well-organized "refrigerator." The ingredients of Perry's brain: chicken, carrots, peas, gravy, creationism and the occasional urge to secede from the union.
2) The president's request to speak in front of Congress on a certain date was rejected for the first time in history. According to most observers, the real reason was ...
A) His speech would have conflicted with a GOP candidates debate.
B) Speaker of the House John Boehner was planning to do his hair that night.
C) The House Republican caucus would be at a Glee season-premiere-watching party.
D) There would not be enough time to adjust the chamber's feng shui.
According to reports, the speaker of the House refused the request after conservatives accused the president of trying to upstage the debate. The president agreed to give the speech the next night, and he also agreed to stop every now and then and shout "YOU LIE!" at himself.
3) In the aftermath of Hurricane Irene, many East Coast residents, otherwise unaffected by the storm, are now struggling with what?
A) Lost weather reporters on their lawns
B) The temptation to binge on emergency-supply junk food
C) Getting the song "Goodnight, Irene" out of their heads
D) Removing the pontoons they welded to their SUVs
Many people who came through the storm just fine now have rooms filled with junk food bought in a panic, and you can't let that go to waste, can you? Thus, the Post-Irene Sandwich: Marshmallow Fluff and spare batteries between two Pop-Tarts.
4) Victorious rebels found something odd in Moammar Gadhafi's abandoned compound ... what?
A) The complete series of My So-Called Life on DVD
B) A very convincing Kim Jong Il costume
C) 45 pairs of Manolo Blahnik high-heeled shoes in men's size 11
D) A scrapbook filled with flattering pictures of Condoleezza Rice
Experts believe the Condi scrapbook belonged to the former dictator because the words "Mr. Moammar Rice" are scribbled all over the cover.
5) Marine commanders in Afghanistan have told their troops to refrain from doing what, to avoid offending the locals?
A) Audibly farting
B) Shooting people
D) Calling it "Pakistan"
Farting out loud. Apparently, Afghans find it offensive; more so, apparently, than predator drone strikes, which are just fine. Silent farts are still permissible under the military's "don't ask, don't smell" initiative.
6) A problem with the Russian space program's Soyuz rockets means new supplies can't reach the International Space Station. This is particularly troubling for one cosmonaut. Why?
A) He hates grape-flavored Tang, and that's all that's left.
B) He's running out of clean clothes.
C) He has a crush on the captain of the Soyuz rocket.
D) He ran out of dental floss and just ate some Space Corn.
Officials at NASA report that since new supplies aren't able to reach the space station, the unidentified cosmonaut may be forced to borrow clothes from his fellow space travelers. Which is pretty much every astronaut's nightmare — you come back from a long spacewalk to find Yuri floating around in your pants.
7) A local government in Germany has declared a complete amnesty for what Bavarian folk hero?
A) Gunther the Talking Bratwurst
B) German Chancellor Angela Merkel
C) Yvonne the runaway cow
D) David Hasselhoff
For the past few months, authorities have used nearly every method to capture the runaway cow, including enlisting Ernst, who is said to be the "George Clooney of bulls." German officials announced that Yvonne shall be allowed to live out her days at a cow sanctuary, where she will be happy until she figures out that Ernst was castrated years ago.
8) Britons are angrily protesting what recent changes made to a historic national treasure?
A) The pronunciation of laboratory
B) The flavor of Earl Grey tea
C) The color of Thomas the Tank Engine
D) The sexual orientation of Elton John
For centuries, Twinings' Earl Grey Tea has tasted exactly the same — like old people. But Twinings has introduced a new Earl Grey, jazzed up with "a dash of lemon and a touch more bergamot." So the British are doing what they do best: complaining impotently.
9) Just in time for the fall fashion season, a new line of what has finally hit stores?
A) Skinny-cut scrubs for doctors
B) Crocless Crocs
C) Designer baby diapers
D) Designer adult diapers
After the booming success of the faux denim diaper and diapers with floral and argyle prints, Huggies is joining the industrywide move toward designer diapers with its new limited edition camouflage diapers, ideal for babies who want to blend in on the battlefield.
10) Dr. Regina Benjamin, the U.S. surgeon general, is warning Americans that what is making them dangerously fat?
C) Their hairstyles
D) Their mouths
Benjamin claims many American women spend so much time and money styling their hair, they don't exercise for fear of messing it up. She suggests getting simpler 'dos that can be easily washed and dried post-exercise, or a much more elaborate hairstyle that can cover your many chins.