A weekend installment of the online play-at-home news quiz.
1) Before the president's big speech on the unemployment crisis, delivered to a joint session of Congress, Vice President Biden and Speaker John Boehner were overheard discussing what?
A) Hair plugs
B) Tanning salons
C) Golf scores
D) The persistent suffering of the working poor
2) Democrats this week were excited about President Obama doing something he's struggled with before ... What?
A) Convince all the Congressional Democrats to do the wave
B) Fit his entire fist in his mouth
C) Present a bill with a catchy name
D) Quit smoking
3) At the GOP Presidential Debate on Wednesday, front runner Gov. Rick Perry of Texas said he felt like what?
A) A pinata
B) "George W. Bush, except Georgier"
C) One of those red-shirted security guards in Star Trek
D) A man, for the first time
4) A significant part of American life might disappear if nothing is done ... what?
A) The U.S. Post Office
C) Free television
D) Pop-rocks candy
5) Great news for air travelers ... someday soon, you might be able to do what?
A) Board airplanes according to who's biggest and meanest
B) Keep your shoes on going through security
C) Keep your liquids, as long as you offer the TSA agent a sip
D) Pay a little extra to ride up front with the pilots
6) UCLA student Chris Jeon wanted to do something memorable the summer before his senior year of college ... what did he do?
A) He memorized every episode of Jersey Shore.
B) He staked out bars every night until he found a prototype for the new iPhone 5.
C) He joined the rebels in Libya.
D) Applied for the United States' last remaining job
7) In an era favoring comfort over style, a Paris fashion designer has debuted a new line of what?
A) Elastic-waisted tuxedo pants
B) Wearable sofas
C) Bridal sneakers
D) Down-filled underwear
8) A dad in Australia has invented a product designed to protect other fathers from a specific kind of injury caused by flailing toddler arms and legs. What is the product?
A) Baby's First Straight Jacket
B) The Titanium Baby Bjorn
C) Pajamas with a built-in cup
D) A child-strength tazer
9) A San Diego man's attempt to rob a convenience store was foiled by what?
A) He only wanted quarters and the store didn't have any left.
B) His gigantic Gumby costume
C) His grandmother was working the register.
D) He saw the face of Jesus in a Slim-Jim.
10) A family in Lake Tahoe watched from the house as a black bear did what?
A) Ate their car
B) Made love to their car
C) Stole their car
D) The monologue from Henry IV
1) C. Golf scores: Live mikes caught the Speaker complaining about a recent round to a sympathetic VP. Boehner: "Seven birdies, five bogies!" Biden: "You're kidding." Sadly, neither of them were.
2) C. Present a bill with a catchy name: On Thursday, the president presented "The American Jobs Act." This straightforward, simple name was a compromise between the president's idea, "The Infrastructure and Labor Actualization Initiative Act of 2011," and the vice president's suggestion, "MONEY GOOD."
3) A. A Pinata: After enduring criticism from the other candidates and pointed questions from the moderators, Perry said, " I kind of feel like the pinata here at the party!" Political observers suggested it might have been a mistake for him to wear his papier-mache suit.
4) A. The Post Office: It's running billions of dollars in deficits, and may not be able to service its debts. For readers under 30, the Post Office is a massive bureaucracy that takes printed out emails and hand delivers them to their recipient in four or five days.
5) B. Keep your shoes on going through security: The good news: new scanning technology means that you'll soon be able to keep your shoes on your feet as you go through the metal detectors. Bad news: the new technology is something called a "Freedomoscopy."
6) C. He joined the rebels in Libya: Jeon who will be returning to UCLA for his senior year says, "I told my friends a sick vacation would be to come here and fight with the rebels." He says it'll all be worth it if the Libyan people are free and if he can get internship credit.
7) C. Bridal Sneakers: Vouelle's satin bridal sneakers are perfect for the modern bride who wants to be able to quickly flee her current marriage or run towards the next one. Endorsement deals are already in the works. From the makers of Chuck Taylors, you'll love Liz Taylors!
8) C. Pajamas with a built-in cup: Every parent of young kids knows about this ... you go to sleep in your comfy bed, you wake up in the middle of a cage wrestling match. Thankfully you can now buy pajamas with heavy duty padding in the key region, an alternative to the simpler solution: not having kids.
9) B. His gigantic Gumby costume: The 7-11 clerk thought the giant Gumby demanding money from him was some kind of joke. Then Gumby said, "I have a gun," but when he tried to pull it out, his giant Gumby hands wouldn't fit into his pocket.
10) C. Stole their car: Somehow he hopped into their Prius, popped it into reverse and crashed into their neighbor's porch. Next time you go camping and someone tells you you're more likely to die in a car accident than be eaten by a bear, remind them if you're lucky, both can happen at once.