R&B Singer Monica 'Still Standing' After Tragedy, Struggles

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MICHEL MARTIN, host:

I'm Michel Martin, and this is TELL ME MORE from NPR News. Coming up, we dig into the pages of the Washington Post Magazine, and we hear about a woman who inherited a surprise windfall from a former teacher - a gift that came with no strings attached and no explanation. We'll hear more in a moment.

But first, a special moms conversation with a mom who is also a Grammy Award-winning singer.

(Soundbite of song, "For You I Will")

Ms. MONICA (Singer): (Singing) I will cross the ocean for you. I will go and bring you the moon. I will be your hero, your friend, anything you need. I will be the sun in your sky. I will light your way for all time, promise you, for you I will.

MARTIN: That was Monica singing, of course, "For You I Will" from the 1996 movie "Space Jam." Now, you might know her for any number of reasons: her hit duet with Brandy, "The Boy Is Mine," which remains one of the most popular singles in history, according to the Billboard charts; or her guest appearances from such television shows as "Living Single" or "American Dreams." But in her off-hours, Monica has a very different life. She is the mother of two young sons. She's trying to keep her relationship strong with her partner and the father of her boys, rapper Rodney "Rocko" Hill, Jr., as well as produce a fifth album.

And now she's bringing her fans into all of her worlds as the star of a new reality show airing on BET called "Still Standing," and Monica is with us now from Atlanta. Welcome, thank you so much for joining us.

Ms. MONICA: Thank you for having me.

MARTIN: Now, it seems that reality shows have become quite the thing these days. Did you have any hesitation about doing it?

Ms. MONICA: Actually, I just flat out said no in the beginning. I thought if my life wasn't very dramatic, with drama-filled situations all the time that it wouldn't be interesting. So after we talked, and only after James Dubose and I talked, I realized that they were looking for a show that was about a person that had experienced a lot and�

MARTIN: James Dubose being the producer of both the album and the program.

Ms. MONICA: Absolutely. Well, he's the producer of the television show. He created a lot of other shows, but I just didn't want people to be hung up on the different tests and trials. And then he explained no, I've seen you on different occasions, and I see the way that you are with your children, I see the way that you are about your work, you know, and the fact that you started at 12 years old, you know, makes me feel like there's a lot to the story that people don't know.

And the great part about the show for me, he understood a lot of the ways that I felt and my views and me being so solely based on my faith. Everything - the foundation of everything that I do is my faith. So when we started talking, you know, the comfortability just came after that.

MARTIN: Well, let's talk about some of the things that you have going on now, because, as I mentioned, one of the things that's interesting that I think will be interesting to a lot of people about this series is that you are a working mom, and - but you happen to work in a particular field, okay, which is music.

It's kind of a critical time in your career. This is your fifth album that you're putting together, and it hasn't been the easiest time. I mean, you've had some, you know, monster hits in the '90s, but subsequently, things haven't always been as smooth - in part because, as comes clear in the series - you haven't always felt that you've been showcased in the way that you want to be.

I just want to play a short clip from the series, where you're talking to your producer about what you're trying to accomplish with this album, and here it is.

(Soundbite of television program, "Still Standing")

(Soundbite of music)

Ms. MONICA: What was that?

Mr. JAMES DUBOSE (Producer �Still Standing�): That was the joint that I was talking about.

Ms. MONICA: Do you really feel like that record sounded like me? I don't. Like, I almost thought you might have been playing something on somebody else that you just needed to, like, listen to for a hot minute because I know you ain't think that I need to record that song.

MARTIN: Tell me more about that. Was that a difficult conversation to have, particularly in front of other people?

Ms. MONICA: Oh wow, when I get angry� You know what it is? Each of my albums have been great examples of where I was at that particular time. On the fourth album, we released a single. The label felt that it was the right song for me, and myself and the producer of the song, which was Jermaine Dupri, said no. And that album "The Makings of Me," my very last one, it did not sell like the other ones.

So the passion that you hear, it's not that I don't respect the producers, but they can go on and produce hit after hit or one may not work, they could move on. It doesn't have the same effect on a producer as it does an artist.

But what I did recognize is that I should not record songs that aren't true to who I am, because if they do become singles, if they do get out to the masses and that is not what the audience that has supported me for almost 15 years wants, then you suffer the consequences and that's what happened the last time.

MARTIN: Let's talk about the kids for a minute, if we can. You're the proud mom of two young boys.

MONICA: Yeah.

MARTIN: Very adorable. And I just want to play a short clip of you talking about them.

(Soundbite of reality TV show "Still Standing")

MONICA: No matter what I got going on, that's not my children's issue. Being a mom is my greatest accomplishment yet. I've never felt the kind of love that I felt after having my children. But my two sons; Rocko, Romello, I experienced it. And it's scary, but it feels real, real good.

MARTIN: Talk to me about that. What's scary?

MONICA: Well, when I say scary I mean it's scary that you can love someone more than you love yourself or love them so much that you'll sacrifice anything that you can for them. You know, that's scary when you think about it, you know, because your children do need that. They need your unconditional love. But sometimes I have to say okay mom. Chill out. He's at school. Give it a rest.

You know, I have to kind of check myself sometimes, because it's just a natural thing for me. My was always very loving, very affectionate, compassionate, so I wanted to be that way with my children but I'm also a lot more protective because I experienced more than she did. She grew up in the country with a lot of siblings where things happened in a very structured way. I grew up in the city where peer pressure, death, danger was all around.

MARTIN: You alluded earlier to some of the things that you've gone through in your life, in addition to the hits that many people will remember and know about. Some people will also remember that you went through a very difficult period back in the year 2000, when you then-boyfriend killed himself in your presence.

MONICA: Mm-hmm. Right.

MARTIN: And I just - I think a lot of people would just like to know how you recovered from that.

MONICA: You know, God is so awesome, and as I think about the things that happened in my life, especially that particular incident, it was the love of my family and it was them reminding me that yeah, at a lot of points in your life you've strayed from what you've known and what you've known as the right thing. And he's forgiven.

He's so awesome that he gives you a second, or third, or fourth and fifth chance. But you have to develop your own relationship with Christ again, and that was something that my mom used to always tell me. Find a quiet place where you could speak to God and just recreate your own relationship with him.

And that's what I would do. And I'd say about six to eight weeks after the incident, I started feeling his presence taking over me, you know? And I would suggest to anybody, to have some type of spirituality that they can cling to and find some type of solace when things just get really rough.

MARTIN: I wanted to ask, though, about a couple more things, if you have a couple more minutes for us.

MONICA: Absolutely.

MARTIN: This whole question of how you balance being a mom with the demands of a career in which your sexiness is often the draw? But I know that you're in a field where sometimes women feel, as they get older, as they take on more family responsibilities - particularly if they're very protective of their family time - feel that they're at a disadvantage. Do you ever feel that way and what's your plan? How are you going to handle that?

MONICA: You know, I told them, I explained to everybody around me from the television show when we went in, I say this, I said it when I went in to work on my new deal for my new album, my kids come first. People have made the accommodations because I think people do respect family.

You know, when you say the reasoning for why things are that way, you know, it's mandatory that I'm in places that have kitchens. The kitchen is not for me. The kitchen is because I still fix my kids meals. You know, and I think people can appreciate it because they know it's not some diva attitude or some unnecessary stuff that I need. You know, they see the boys. They're four and one, so they still have certain requirements, you know, on a regular basis.

MARTIN: What about marriage? Do you think that might be part of your future?

MONICA: Marriage is going to happen very soon.

MARTIN: Really?

MONICA: Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, it was something -I did it very differently than most women. I've never ever mentioned the word marriage to him. I let him mention it to me. And during the birth...

MARTIN: Him being? Him being?

MONICA: Rodney, my fianc�e.

MARTIN: Who's the father of your boys.

MONICA: Yes. We've known each other for nine years, so we're very comfortable with one another in ways that are hard to sometimes even explain, because we were only 19 when we met. So as we went into our relationship, and our first son was born - I was 24 years old - and you know, he said something about us getting married then, you know, and then once our second son was born, two-and-a half years later, he just told me you know, this is what I want for us. This is what I want for our family.

And, of course, you know, by me reading the word, we know that that was not the proper order and we recognize that and God has forgiven us and we've both moved on from it. So us looking to be married is something that I'm really excited about.

MARTIN: Monica is the star of a new docudrama, reality program, whatever you want to call it. It airs on BET. It's called "Still Standing." That is also the title of her new album, which is expected in January. And Monica was kind enough to join us from her home base in Atlanta.

Monica, thank you so much for speaking with us.

MONICA: Thank you so much.

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