Today the Science Commission presented the preliminary report on the unprecedented discovery of important historical objects of the Ancient Ones. As you know, wreckage believed to be the hull of a primitive mechanical airship — or flying machine — was recently exposed after the shift of the Great Seas in our year 2B17X. The artifacts found with those remains are some of the few relics that exist from the time of the rule of Homo sapiens, before the Great Global Storms. Homologists can only hypothesize their meaning, but after much study they are confident of the following interpretations:
The first item recovered is one of the few examples of their written language. It is thought to be a manifesto or perhaps a threat or warning:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again
Humpty Dumpty is theorized to have been either a high priestess of the realm who had become too popular and had attracted her own following, or was a revolutionary leader of the opposition who had become a political threat to the rulers of the planet the ancients called Earth. She apparently suffered a fatal fall, probably not accidentally, that led to great upheaval. This chaos must have diverted resources from scientific research of the catastrophic storms then raging to that of warfare.
We do not know what horses are, but several of the seeds discovered in the seed vault buried by the Ancient Ones were given names beginning in "horse." It is suspected that horses were a plant species that produced a psychotropic effect in Homo sapiens and were used by the priest class for gathering visions. It may have been a favorite substance of Humpty Dumpty.
The second item retrieved was a button with the words, "Humphrey for President." Our linguistic experts have determined that the presidential candidate Humphrey is either a code name or an alias for Humpty Dumpty. We are not sure what council or federation Humpty Dumpty was aspiring to, but it must have been an office of substantial power and influence.
The third item was a button with the words, "Tricky Dick." Because both buttons were from the same era, our political experts assume that Tricky Dick was the king or ruler at the time that Humpty Dumpty tried to overthrow the realm. In summary, the Science Commission believes that the death of Humpty Dumpty led to global chaos and perhaps a period of destructive warfare that contributed to the Great Global Storms. The Commission will continue to study these artifacts and will report back to us if further insights are gained.