Limericks Carl reads three news-related limericks, on: what makes George Clooney so attractive, why you can't get enough UV, and what's going on at your local library.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Carl reads three news-related limericks, on: what makes George Clooney so attractive, why you can't get enough UV, and what's going on at your local library.

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Coming up, it's "Lightning Fill in the Blank."

But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait Wait, that's 1-888-924- 8924, or you can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago and you can find out about our upcoming show in Seattle on June 3rd. Good tickets are still available. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

M: Hi, this is Sarah McMahon from Lenore, North Carolina.

SAGAL: Sarah from Lenore, North Carolina?

M: Yeah.

SAGAL: What's going on in Lenore?

M: Oh, not much.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right then.

M: Count yourself lucky.

M: It's a very small town.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

M: I work as a biology teacher at the community college, and I'm a goat farmer.

SAGAL: Is goat farming a rewarding thing?

M: I love it.

SAGAL: Right.

M: It is a fantastic job.

SAGAL: What do you do with the goats once you have grown them?

M: We milk them to make cheese.

SAGAL: Goat milk cheese.

M: They're good to eat, too.

M: It is; it's very healthy.

M: No, I mean the goats.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: No. We try not to do that. We love our goats.

SAGAL: Don't let P.J. near your farm.

M: No, do not.

M: No.

SAGAL: Sarah, welcome to our show.

M: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell, right here, is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

M: Yes.

SAGAL: Here you go, here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, Host:

The flat tone makes ladies rejoice. Like Clooney, I am their top choice. I don't change my pitch and they start to twitch. There's power in my boring?

M: Voice?

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

M: Yay.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to the journal "Archives of Sexual Behavior," men with flat, monotone voices have better luck with women than men with expressive voices. A steady voice indicates control and authority while the changeable, flappy voice suggests you're flighty or nervous. The study falters, though, when it cites George Clooney and Clint Eastwood as examples of men whose monotone voices make them irresistible to women. George Clooney and Clint Eastwood are irresistible to women because they are George Clooney and Clint Eastwood.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Ultraviolet rays I am scanning, and my next trip I'm already planning. The light from this bed goes straight to my head. I'm really addicted to?

M: Tanning.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It turns out, men and women who use tanning beds don't just use them because they all want to look like John Boehner - who wouldn't - but because tanning activates the same parts of the human brain that are triggered by drug addiction.

M: Really?

SAGAL: The author of the "Archives of Dermatology" study says, quote: This is not about appearance. It's for relaxation, to improve mood or to socialize, unquote. This is sad.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If the tanning salons start to close because of the tax in the health- care bill, we'll have desperate addicts hurling themselves under the heat lamps at McDonalds.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: Or they can just go outside.

M: No.

M: No.

SAGAL: No, no, no, that won't work. There are no tanning beds outside.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're inside. What are you talking about?

M: I can't even believe you said that. Outside, I should say.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Harold Hill might have seemed a contrarian, but for love he knew whom to be querying. And back in the stacks, his lady attacks. She's a passionate gal, that?

M: Can you do that again?

SAGAL: He sure can.

KASELL: Harold Hill might have seemed a contrarian, but for love he knew whom to be querying. And back in the stacks, his lady attacks. She's a passionate gal, that?

M: Hmm.

SAGAL: Back in the stacks? Harold Hill, remember him from "The Music Man"?

M: No.

SAGAL: No? Well you've already won. I'll give it to you, it's librarian. Librarian.

M: Oh, my lord.

SAGAL: This is our favorite story of the week.

M: Good gracious.

SAGAL: In 1992, "The Wilson Library Bulletin" - that's a professional librarians journal - conducted a survey to determine how many librarians are sexy librarians.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The survey was suppressed by people who were afraid of the truth. But it's finally come out.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The survey found 20 percent of librarians said that they had quote, done it in the stacks.

M: All right.

SAGAL: Yes.

M: No.

SAGAL: Asked what Shakespearean title best described their first sexual encounter, 28 percent said "Comedy of Errors," while for 22 percent it was "Much Ado About Nothing." We wonder how many chose "The Two Gentlemen of Verona."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We're disappointed in that the survey did not measure the ratio of those who checked out bound periodicals to those who were bound periodically...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...and what percentage of the librarians regularly took off their glasses to shake their heads from side to side, in slow motion.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Sarah do on our quiz?

KASELL: Sarah had two correct answers, Peter, so she wins our prize.

M: Yay.

SAGAL: Well done.

M: All right, Sarah.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing with us.

M: Thanks.

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