Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time?

Carl reads three quotes from the week's news. This week: good bleeping news for broadcasters, a Democrat other than Joe Biden sticks his foot in his mouth, and a New York Yankees loss.

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CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. We have got a fabulous show for you today. Coach Pete Carroll, head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, will join us to play "Not My Job."

B: a villain.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Complete with an effete, British, Bond villain of a CEO who went off to yacht races after destroying the earth. Sure, you know, so we'll go back to hating on things like mime...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gwyneth Paltrow, you know, but it won't be same. The only good news, really, is that knowing BP as we do now, we can be certain that soon, they will utterly destroy something else.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But until that happens, we've still got each other. Give us a call to play our game. The number, 1-888-Wait Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

M: Hi, Peter, it's Aaron Ambrosino from Clifton Park, New York.

SAGAL: Oh, you're up there in upstate New York. What do you do up there?

M: I'm in sales.

SAGAL: Okay, you sell stuff.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Isn't it true that when you're a - I've heard this - that when you're a salesman, you're really selling yourself?

M: Yeah, that's true. Yes.

SAGAL: So, why should I buy you?

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M: I actually have no idea why you should.

SAGAL: There you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome anyway. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. Aaron, first, say hello to a television personality and a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning," Mr. Mo Rocca - right there.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: Hey, Mo.

M: Hi, Aaron.

SAGAL: Next, she's the deputy editor and a blogger for the Houston Chronicle, Ms. Kyrie O'Connor is right here.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: Hi, Kyrie.

M: Hi, Aaron.

SAGAL: And finally, it's a writer for the Boston Globe Magazine and the author of the new book, out in paperback, "Idiot America," Mr. Charlie Pierce.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: Hi, Charlie.

M: Hey, Aaron.

SAGAL: So Aaron, welcome to the show. Let's get started with "Who's Carl This Time?" Carl Kasell, of course, is going to re-create for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job: Correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that two times out of three, you win our prize, Carl's voice on your voicemail. Ready to go?

M: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Here we go. This is actually from a court ruling issued this week, an actual legal excerpt. It sent shockwaves through the broadcasting industry.

KASELL: The digestive system and excretion are also important areas of human attention.

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SAGAL: So that federal appeals court decision decided that the FCC can no longer fine people for what?

M: Profanity.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Or fleeting obscenity is the rule. So let's say you're entertaining at the Super Bowl halftime show - like so many of us have.

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SAGAL: And you happen to be standing next to Janet Jackson, and she's wearing some kind of metal bra, and you say to yourself - as anyone would - hey, let's see what's under that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, good news. An appeals court has now said the FCC can't fine broadcasters for that kind of quote, fleeting obscenity - things that are obscene but are unplanned, that kind of action or an exclamation of joy or disgust. This means, of course, that we no longer have to have Carl Kasell on an eight-second delay.

KASELL: Damn straight, Peter.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: And now that I think back on my life, almost everything obscene I've ever done was both fleeting and unplanned.

SAGAL: There you are.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Funny that you mention it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I spent most of my adolescence planning obscenities, but they never happened. It was frustrating.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anyway, it does free Carl up. Like we said, right after the decision was handed down, Carl recorded a brand-new voicemail greeting for one of our winners.

M: Stay on this phone and don't hang up on me. I can - I have plenty of energy to drive over there. You understand me? So just (beep) listen to me.

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M: I actually thought I worked on the only radio program in America that wasn't going to run the Mel Gibson tapes.

SAGAL: Oh, well.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Very good. Your next quote comes from White House press secretary Robert Gibbs.

KASELL: I think I did what is maybe uncommon in this town. And yesterday, I opened my mouth and stated the obvious.

SAGAL: Gibbs was apologizing, sort of, for saying what might happen in the fall elections?

M: Oh that's a good one. The Democrats might lose?

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And let me tell you something: His saying that made the Democrats in the House really mad at him. Mr. Gibbs went on to infuriate Nancy Pelosi and the other congressional Democrats by saying other true but impolite things like, no, the dress doesn't make you look fat; your fat makes you look fat.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's the problem for the Democrats. They are in trouble for the fall. And the problem is, is that things are bad, and their only hope is to convince the voters that things would have been worse if the Republicans were in charge. So what they need is kind of an "It's a Wonderful Life" scenario.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're staking their election on the hope that this frumpy, charming angel will descend to show all of America what life would have been like if Obama had never been born.

M: Hello, Movie House.

SAGAL: Exactly.

M: Hello, you wonderful old savings and loan scandal.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know, they're walking around in this horrible place and the angry neighbor is like: This isn't America, it's Cheney-ville. Don't you think I know where I live?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And then, you know, it's all restored and Obama is back, and everything's great and everybody's grateful. And it's like, that's right, Zuzu, every time a bell rings, a child gets indoctrinated into socialism.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ding, ding.

M: Hey, get me. I'm giving out tax breaks.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Aaron, your last quote is from a man who was talking about his former boss, a man who passed away this week.

KASELL: The phone would ring in the middle of the night, and you knew it was either him or a death in the family. And after a while, you started to root for a death in the family.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Who was that beloved boss who died?

M: George Steinbrenner.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The legendary owner of the Yankees died this week at the age of 80, and I hope you'll grant me a moment to be serious about this because nobody - but nobody - in my memory did more than Steinbrenner for our beloved national pastime. And by that I mean, hating the New York Yankees.

M: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Why? Without Steinbrenner, Yankee hating would have become empty, pointless, an antique sport like harness racing or lawn tennis. But with Steinbrenner making the Yankees the most obnoxious, tyrannical, bloated, purely evil sports franchise since the disbanding of the Tampa Bay Devil Nazis...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Yankee hating was revived, and whole new generations of fans have grown up to scream obscenities at the sight of a pinstripe. He may be gone, but I know I'll have Steinbrenner to thank when my little daughters look up at me some day and say, Papa, are the Yankees Satan's baseball team?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And I will say, yes, sweetheart. Why yes, they are. Thank you, George.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: Lovely eulogy.

SAGAL: Thank you.

M: I never argue with a man who brings his own soundtrack.

SAGAL: I know. Thank you. Carl, how did Aaron do on our quiz?

KASELL: Aaron was perfect, Peter. Three correct answers, so he wins our prize.

M: Yay, Aaron.

SAGAL: Well done, Aaron, congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, Aaron.

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