Rahm Emanuel: Mayor Of [Expletive] Chicago

Rahm Emanuel

White House Chief Of Staff Rahm Emanuel has hinted at his interest in running for mayor of Chicago. Olivier Douliery/Pool/Getty Images hide caption

itoggle caption Olivier Douliery/Pool/Getty Images

Writer Dennis O'Toole imagines life in Chicago with current White House chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel as Mayor. Emanuel has hinted that he might run for Mayor of Chicago, a move that the President Obama has said he would support.

Why the [expletive] would you pick Vegas for a [expletive] convention? Any organization that chooses Vegas over Chicago is a [extended series of expletives], and you can quote me.

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... And I will close with a message to the kids on this first day of school: Remember, reading is not just real [expletive] important; it's lots of [expletive] fun too. I mean, take me. I'm up to my ass in books. I'd read all [creative expletive] day if I could.

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What the [expletive] was that? Get Streets and Sanitation on the horn, now! Commissioner Byrne, it's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cut the [expletive]. Look, I'm on Roosevelt Road heading east. My driver just ran over the biggest [expletive] pothole you've ever [expletive] seen. Take care of it yesterday or I'll [expletive] bury you in it tomorrow.

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Wow, the Dalai [expletive] Lama. It's an honor to meet you, your holiness. I've read The Art of Happiness 50 [expletive] times. It's why I'm so [expletive] at peace with day-to-day bulls- - -.

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That was so [expletive] embarrassing! Next time I go to a [expletive] ribbon-cutting, I want huge [expletive] novelty scissors, not office scissors. Oh, and a sash. I want a big-ass sash that says The Mother[expletive] Mayor.

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Some of America's finest writers have called Chicago Home. Gwendolyn [expletive] Brooks, Saul [expletive] Bellow and Carl [extended series of expletives] Sandburg were but a few of our most [expletive] august scribes.

Dennis O'Toole

You can read more essays by Dennis O'Toole at www.bydennisotoole.com. Peggy Lavelle hide caption

itoggle caption Peggy Lavelle

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What part of "No more [obscure expletive] questions" don't you people understand? Here, this finger may be missing, but this one still works. Can't hear it? Well then, I'll turn it up.

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Parks are the most important [expletive] resource we got. Do you know what Chicago's motto is? Urbs in horto. That's [expletive] Latin. It means, City in a mother[expletive] garden.

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Is it [expletive] snowing again? Get God on the line. I want to give that guy a piece of my [expletive] mind.

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