Telling the Kids About Politicians' 'Special Friends'

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Our humorist offers a timely guide to explaining the various details of scandals involving elected officials.


Back now with DAY TO DAY.

If you think explaining the birds and the bees to your kids is tough, what the heck do you do with the news that came out last week about alleged lewd behavior in a public restroom?

In today's Unger Report, humorous Brian Unger has some tips for explaining tawdry tales gently to the young.

BRIAN UNGER: Today's headlines violate standards of family values and decency, and push the boundaries of adult sensibilities. But what about the children? What do you say to a child who asks, mommy, daddy, why is my senator trying to get down with a dude in an airport bathroom? Do I have a wide stance when I go potty? Why did my senator leave, mommy?

Introducing the new DVD, "How to Talk to Your Children About Republicans and Their Special Friends."

(Soundbite of music)

Unidentified Man: (Singing) When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?

UNGER: Never before has there been a collection of songs, games and dance routines covering the many, many kids of special friends some Republicans have, in fun, easy to understand sections. Like going GOP-pee.

Unidentified Woman: (Singing) He touched me.

UNGER: In this section, kids can sing along to scandalous lewd behavior in the bathroom.

Unidentified Woman: (Singing) And then he touched me.

UNGER: There's also, "Hey There, Mr. Bathroom tap dancer."

(Soundbite of tap dancing)

UNGER: A foot-tapping primer on when a senator is just happy to see you or barking up the wrong tree in the stall next to yours.

"How to Talk to Your Children About Republicans and their Special Friends" is designed to teach kids today's filthy political scandals and to feel safe in public restrooms.

Larry Craig, Mark Foley, David Vitter, Reverend Ted Haggard and their special friends are here, but how do you explain them all to a child?

With this one new convenient DVD it's easy on the eyes and the ears.

(Soundbite of song "Take the Money and Run)

Mr. STEVE MILLER (Musician): (Singer) Go on, take the money and run.

UNGER: And in a special friends DVD extra, kids will learn the ins and outs of bribery and corruption. Your kids will be talking Duke Cunningham and Ted Stevens in the playground before you even know it. So, the next time the right goes wrong - nasty, naughty wrong…

(Soundbite of music)

Unidentified Woman #2: (Singing) He touched me.

UNGER: …pick up the new DVD, "How to Talk Your Children About Republicans and their Special Friends." It's Republican potty training without the potty mouth.

And that is today's Unger report. I'm Brian Unger.

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