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Memphis Man Has Really Bad Day

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Memphis Man Has Really Bad Day

Memphis Man Has Really Bad Day

Memphis Man Has Really Bad Day

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  • <iframe src="" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
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News worth an honorable mention: One person finds an expensive paintings in his couch, a poll says people approve of birth control in schools and a guy in Memphis makes big trouble — it involves a car, a McDonald's window and his underwear.


Time for our daily trip through news you can't use. Luke, care to take a little Ramble?


With you, Alison, always.

STEWART: Thank you.

BURBANK: Bump, bump, I'll just do the music.

(Soundbite of laughter)

BURBANK: (Singing) Doo, doo, doo.

(Soundbite of music)

STEWART: There we go.

(Soundbite of laughter)

STEWART: Like Pavlov's dog. I…

BURBANK: Fine, you can play the real music if you want.

STEWART: I will not speak until I hear the music.

(Soundbite of laughter)

STEWART: Okay, let's kick it off with this strange, strange story.

A mayor was arrested on Thursday in Memphis after a really interesting series of events. It began with a car crash and ended up with him in his underpants. We're going to call him Underpants Guy.


STEWART: He wasn't ID'ed in the papers. He crashed his car against a pole, got out the car, knocked on the door of a nearby house. The guy who lived in the house didn't offer him help. He shot Underpants Guy. Underpants Guy fled, bleeding. He managed to lose all of his clothes during his run. He got to a McDonald's, decided I'm going to throw a rock through the window of the McDonald's.


STEWART: We don't know this for a fact, but we think he may have been high. A local witness actually told a local TV station, the Underpants Guy, quote, "had to be on some high-powered something."


STEWART: I concur.

BURBANK: Okay, a story, though, about a guy who went totally naked - well, at least dressed up as if he were a totally naked guy. And this guy is named Jon Kitna, and he happens to be the starting quarterback for the NFL's Detroit Lions. John Kitna, the pride of central Washington University. I know this because he used to play for the Seahawks.

So he and his wife go to a team party, and he's dressed up in a naked suit -you know, sort of like a fat, naked guy.


BURBANK: His wife is dressed up like a Wendy's drive-through employee.

STEWART: That's…

BURBANK: An odd pairing.

STEWART: …odd, but…

BURBANK: But as it turns out, last year, a Lions defensive line coach, a guy named Joe Cullen had pleaded no contest to charges stemming from his driving nude through a Wendy's drive-through lane.

STEWART: Hence, the costume.

BURBANK: Yes. So that was making fun of the defensive line coach, who, by the way, is not Kitna's direct supervisor, because Kitna's a quarterback. So maybe that's why he thought it was okay to do it.

Anyway, local TV stations got a hold of the photos. Nobody liked it at the Detroit Lions, and Kitna and his wife apologized. He said, if I would've known this I wouldn't have done it because I didn't want to try to bring attention to it. So that's why I dressed up like a naked guy, because I didn't want any attention paid to that.

(Soundbite of laughter)

STEWART: Hey, this is a story, it was a big talker a couple of weeks ago about a school board in Maine that voted to allow contraceptives to be given to middle schoolers at their school-based health clinic. Well, now, a new poll shows majority of Americans say public schools should give out condoms. It's an AP-Ipsos poll. Sixty-two percent overall of those who were polled approved of schools providing birth control. Thirty-seven percent said it should be with the parents' permission. Thirty percent said give out birth control, no question asked. Interesting.

BURBANK: Okay. Finally, some news from the department of valuable artworks found by accident. Last week, we told you about this lady, she found a really valuable Rufino Tamayo painting on a sidewalk in Manhattan.


BURBANK: Well, in Berlin, a student recently discovered a Baroque painting inside a couch she bought at a flea market. I don't even know how that works, like were you - was they sitting on it? Was it in the cushions?

STEWART: Maybe it was a couch bed…


STEWART: Like one of those - I don't know.

BURBANK: Anyway, somehow this painting was inside this couch. The painting…

STEWART: Maybe it was a wee painting.

(Soundbite of laughter)

BURBANK: The painting is entitled "Preparations for the Flight to Egypt." It was painted between 1605 and 1610 by an unknown artist. An auction house said this week that the painting had sold for 27,660 bucks.


BURBANK: The student bought the couch for about $150. As a person who purchased many a crappy futon in college, nothing in there, nothing in there at all.

And that is today's Ramble.

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