The Biker Jesus

News worth an honorable mention.

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ALISON STEWART, host:

Welcome back to THE BRYANT PARK PROJECT from NPR News. I'm Alison Smith, a long - I'm not Alison Smith…

ROBERT SMITH, host:

Alison Stewart, we haven't got married yet.

STEWART: Alison Stewart along with Robert Smith. I was going to say thank you for joining us.

SMITH: You see you're used to having your husband saying that to you…

STEWART: I guess that was it.

SMITH: …so you're making these slips.

STEWART: Oh, silly me. Okay, so what we have coming up next, you know, these are these little stories in the newspaper, not going to solve world peace, not going to help with global warming but they make you a fascinating cocktail-party guest. It's called The Ramble.

(Soundbite of music)

SMITH: I don't know if this one will make you a fascinating cocktail-party guest, but…

STEWART: Yes, you can bust this one out…

SMITH: …this one made me…

STEWART: …of the cocktails.

SMITH: …so upset. I saw a little article, that there was scientific proof, finally, that men are funnier than women and I rushed to this article and Professor Sam Shuster has said that men tend to be naturally funnier because they have a higher level of testosterone in the body.

STEWART: So is the researcher Andrew (unintelligible)?

SMITH: Well…

STEWART: What?

SMITH: …here's the problem. This professor in Britain, here's how he did this experiment. He went out on a unicycle and he recorded the comments of 400 people and apparently 95 percent of the women said nice things to him on the unicycle, whereas 75 percent of men responded with a humorous and often aggressive remark. Most men said, lost your wheel?

STEWART: That's not that funny.

SMITH: No, and you know what? It's the worse experiment in the world. I mean, I guess he's going to go out on stilts next and see how many people say, how was the weather up there?

STEWART: So that testosterone makes you a better weather prognosticator.

SMITH: You know what? It turns out this guy is a dermatologist.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SMITH: I think he just wants to get on The Ramble. That's what he's doing.

STEWART: Now that's the funny part. All right, so we all know the prices on many basic necessities - rising gas, cars, gallon of milk - everything except for pot apparently. Now authorities say for Mexican-grown marijuana specifically, prices in Texas, the south of the border weed where they've held steady for the last 25 years - about $60 to $80 an ounce.

Some people believe that Mexican pot remains popular because Americans don't want to pay for the more powerful pricey home-grown stuff. And as our producer put in here, after all they need to have some money left over for White Castle.

SMITH: There you go. The effects of NAFTA continue, cheap pot. This is it. I'm going to hang up my javelin. I'm not going to throw it anymore. You know why? Because French experts say that humans have reached their limits and there will be no more world records after 2060.

STEWART: Why not?

SMITH: Athletic achievements have I guessed, plateaued. They went back and looked at world records going back to the first modern Olympics in 1896. And they said that people were at 75 percent of their physiological capacities then. And today, they say we're at 99 percent.

STEWART: Huh.

SMITH: And I guess they figured that by 2060, every record will be set and no one will be able to break it. And I was thinking about this, as matter of fact, you know what? That's what they always say. That's what they said when Takeru Kobayashi ate 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

And then what happens? Joey Chestnut comes along and eats 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes.

STEWART: I'm with you - never give up hope.

SMITH: Never give up hope. You know, the human body may have its limits, but human stupidity knows no bounds.

STEWART: Oh, I thought you're going to say human spirit…

SMITH: Oh, no, no. That's too much stupidity…

STEWART: Your stupidity has no bounds.

SMITH: There will always be a bigger calzone that you can make in your tiny, small town and set the world record.

STEWART: That's ridiculous. This, I don't know if you got one of these for Christmas perhaps. This new unusual action figures, they went into production earlier this year. It would have make sense. They would have become big around this holiday. It's biker Jesus, surfer Jesus, skateboard Jesus and even bull rider Jesus.

They're toys. Now apparently Jesus is an action figure. What would Jesus do? Ride a bike apparently. Of course, he's got a crown of thorns.

SMITH: On top of water. Yeah.

STEWART: Yeah, he's got a crown of thorns. He's got his full beard, they're made by Fisherman, Inc. and they sell for about $30 a piece at Christian retail stores. You can also buy them on the Web or on the Web site, check them out.

SMITH: So they are offended by this? This is part of Christmas (unintelligible)?

STEWART: No, this is - part of it is they believe that people should apply Christ in life however it suits their lives. So if you're a rodeo guy, you can buy Jesus on a bull. He's got a snap-down shirt with a little pocket flaps and the pearl buttons. They all have a different message, quarterback Jesus, represents state soccer Jesus. You got like the knee socks and everything, and of course, a crown of thorns. (unintelligible) represents victory surfer Jesus representing spirit. They're created by Eric Dyson who said he was inspired by vision of Jesus on a motorcycle riding across the open roads of America.

We'll link to that on our blog. We're checking out, I got to tell you. I didn't believe it. I actually had to look this one up. I think this is not true, and then it was.

SMITH: I'm speechless.

STEWART: That does it for The Ramble. (unintelligible) of the stories on our blog, npr.org/bryantpark.

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