Panel Round Two
BILL KURTIS ANNOUNCER: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm legendary anchorman Bill Kurtis, filling in for Carl Kasell.
ANNOUNCER: We are playing this week with Brian Babylon, Charlie Pierce and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
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PETER SAGAL, HOST: Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, I'll lay down a beat as Bill lets his rhymes flow in the listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Brian, this week we got 100 percent ironclad proof, absolutely going to happen that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be running for president in 2016. What is this proof?
BRIAN BABYLON: Oh, he got the stomach surgery.
HOST: Yeah, he's losing weight. He got lap band surgery.
BABYLON: Lab bands for...yeah.
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HOST: That's obviously the only reason to do it.
BABYLON: Yeah, you got to get in fighting shape.
CHARLIE PIERCE: Yeah, yes, you do.
HOST: Many pundits have cited Governor Christie's weight and the impact it might have on his health as a reason he could never be our commander-in-chief. But this week, Governor Christie revealed that he had secretly had lap band surgery. That's the same stomach-shrinking procedure that made Al Roker so weird looking.
BABYLON: But you know what?
BABYLON: You know what he's going to look like?
BABYLON: I'm going to go out on a limb. And if he looks anything like this I want you guys to give me my props. He might look like Ryan Gosling.
BABYLON: When you take all - he might be in a Gosling bag.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: No.
BABYLON: When you melt all that Christie away...
BABYLON: When you melt all that Christie away there's a Gosling under there.
ROBERTS: No. Do you know who he might look like?
ROBERTS: Like Jimmy Kimmel.
HOST: He does have that hair.
BABYLON: But you know what? We'd need a nice, good old fashioned fat president (unintelligible).
HOST: Well, maybe we would. I mean...
BABYLON: Like a Taft.
BABYLON: Remember that guy? That was a president, Taft.
HOST: We've been making Chris Christie fat jokes for year. So now we've got to come up - if this works out for the governor - some Chris Christie skinny jokes. Here's our first attempt.
ANNOUNCER: Chris Christie is so skinny, his vice presidential pick is a side salad.
ANNOUNCER: Chris Christie speaks softly and is a big stick.
ANNOUNCER: Chris Christie is so skinny, he makes Barack Obama look like Chris Christie.
HOST: We're ready for you, governor. Charlie, step aside, Gwyneth Paltrow, according to the AP the new paragon of healthy living is who?
PIERCE: Chris Christie.
ANNOUNCER: I'll give you a hint. Yo-yo yoga is part of my daily fitness regimizel.
PIERCE: He's Snoop Lion now, right?
HOST: Yes. He is Snoop Lion, formerly known as Snoop Dog.
PIERCE: OK. I like to keep up, yes.
HOST: You do.
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HOST: The AP reports that despite their hard parting image, many hip-hop artists are now trying to live more healthy. They're eating better, drinking less and getting their pharmaceuticals from actual doctors not Dr. Dre.
HOST: Snoop Lion, formerly Snoop Dog, he does daily jumping jacks.
HOST: Let's all picture that. Let's all picture Snoop Lion, this man throwing his arms up in the air while jumping and then forgetting how he got in that posture, OK.
BABYLON: And he's a tall guy. He's like 6'4". Like, a tall black man doing jumping jacks is hilarious. It really is.
ROBERTS: But healthy compared to...
HOST: Well, I mean, the prior image, as you know, of rappers was all about, you know, gangster banging and sex and...
ROBERTS: Gangster banging.
HOST: I'm sorry, what, I did something funny?
BABYLON: If you pull up a picture of Snoop from his first single he did with Dr. Dre, he looks the same.
HOST: He hasn't aged.
BABYLON: Snoop has not aged. Black don't crack, he's a vampire. I don't know, whatever.
BABYLON: But he will tell you his secret his weed and water. That's how he stays so young. Hey, weed and water, baby. He'll say that.
BABYLON: He said that on interviews.
PIERCE: It beats the hell out of jumping jacks, I'll tell you that right now.
BABYLON: Yeah, yeah.
HOST: Charlie, Nissan knows that high-end car buyers are always looking for the next big thing in luxury, so they're developing a new interior, upholstery that mimics the feel of what?
PIERCE: An opium den.
HOST: No, but that would be good.
PIERCE: I mean, maybe it's the feeling of being in bed.
HOST: Well, it might mimic what the bed feels, if you're going to get technical about it.
HOST: Yes, human skin.
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PIERCE: Are you kidding me?
HOST: Are you looking for a car interior that says, I'll pick the kids up from soccer practice...
PIERCE: Oh boy, it's my...
HOST: ...and I'll cook and eat the kids I picked up from soccer practice.
HOST: Nissan's new a human skin replication interior upholstery is just for you. They're using a combination of leather and plastic. And Nissan - they're trying to create a material that comes close to matching the feel of human skin, which researchers say is the most comforting sensation to touch.
BABYLON: Is it baby skin or like old people skin?
HOST: You know, interestingly enough, both can be very nice. Some people like it.
BABYLON: But not creepy old man skin.
BABYLON: No one wants that.
HOST: And you know what I hate? I hate it when you sit in your car and it has stubble.
HOST: And then it's itchy.
PIERCE: For this to really work, don't you have to like drive naked?
PIERCE: I mean, otherwise you're just wearing a suit.
HOST: Wait a minute. You don't, right?
ROBERTS: I think Charlie's onto something though. I think it doesn't really work if you wear pants. I think there're going to be - all these cops will end up pulling people aside and they won't be wearing their pants. And they'll have a plausible excuse for the first time ever.
ROBERTS: Sorry, officer, I just like to feel my car.
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