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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Luke and Faith are tied with four each. Bobcat has one.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Thank you.

KURTIS: OK, Bobcat, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week the ACLU filed a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the NSA's blank program.

GOLDTHWAIT: The fact that they've been tapping...

SAGAL: With the surveillance program, yes.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah, sure.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: State Department officials denied this week that they had covered up allegations that employees had hired blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Prostitutes.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the U.S. Forest Service mobilized two Defense Department cargo planes to help fight the blanks in Colorado.

GOLDTHWAIT: The fires.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Thanks to a typo, the AP referred to a social networking site called blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Grammar check?

SAGAL: No. They refer to it as Google pus.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And what he thought were private remarks to a Latin American church group, blank talked about the Vatican's, quote, "gay lobby."

GOLDTHWAIT: Oh, the pope.

SAGAL: The Pope Francis, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Thames Water Authority said that it has failed a British couple because for eight months...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...it has not been able to get rid of blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: That gong.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The rat who keeps sticking his head out of their toilet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The rat who they call Roland - Roland the rat has been popping up in their toilet from time to time for eight months now and they can't figure out how to get rid of him. We've got one word for our British friends. Flush.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: His name's Roland. Why would you want to get rid of Roland?

SAGAL: It's like, oh he's so cute.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah, you ought to name him like Hitler and then you don't mind flushing him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Bobcat do in our quiz?

KURTIS: You know, the Bobcat got four right for eight more points. He is in the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. All right. We flipped a coin. Faith has selected to go next. Here you go, Faith. Fill in the blank. In what he said was his final warning on Thursday, the Prime Minister of blank ordered protesters to leave Taksim Square.

FAITH SALIE: Turkey.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The White House said Thursday that by using chemical weapons multiple times, blank has crossed a redline.

SALIE: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Obama administration announced it was dropping its lawsuit against over-the-counter availability of the blank.

SALIE: Of the morning-after pill?

SAGAL: The morning-after pill, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British woman who found a live bomb from World War II in her garden called police, but only after she'd blanked first.

SALIE: Detonated it.

SAGAL: No. Washed it off in the kitchen sink. It was dirty.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week inexplicably famous quarterback Tim Tebow signed with his third NFL team blank.

SALIE: The Patriots.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In what Gallup says is an all-time low, a new poll shows that only 10 percent of those asked have confidence in blank.

SALIE: Congress.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The big story in the Nottingham Post newspaper this week was blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SALIE: Robin Hood's here.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. The big story in the Nottingham Post was couple return from holiday to find grass by their street cut to different lengths.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: How could I have known that?

SAGAL: I don't know. Bill and Silvia Fenton returned home to find the grass on one side of the street terrifyingly taller than the grass on the other, according to a 500-word article with a multimedia slide show in the Nottingham Post. Mow-gate, as it is being called, will dominate headlines for a while, at least until something else does not happen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Faith do?

KURTIS: Faith got five right for 10 more points and grabs the lead with 14.

SAGAL: Well done. All right. So how many then...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...does Luke Burbank need to walk away with this thing?

KURTIS: All eyes have to be on Luke because he needs five to tie, six to win.

SAGAL: All right, Luke. Here we go. This is for the game. Border security became a sticking point this week as Congress began debating the proposed blank.

LUKE BURBANK: Budget?

SAGAL: No, immigration bill. On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled...

BURBANK: So far so good.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that naturally occurring human blank cannot be patented.

BURBANK: Genes.

SAGAL: Yes, DNA.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The line of storms threatening millions in the Midwest to the East Coast did not develop into a blank as forecasters warned this week.

BURBANK: Super storm.

SAGAL: No, a derecho. Fans were angry when a British psychic had to cancel a live performance due to, quote, blank.

BURBANK: "Unforeseen circumstances."

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In an effort to compete with Twitter, the social networking site blank announced it was adding functional hash tags.

BURBANK: Facebook.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In a twist that nobody saw coming, this week filmmaker blank revealed that he was the ghostwriter for the teen movie "She's All That."

BURBANK: M. Night Shamalan

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British girl traveling through Turkey with her parents made it through customs...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...even though she was using a fake passport identifying her as blank.

BURBANK: Hillary Clinton.

SAGAL: No. The passport identified the young girl as a unicorn.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Emily Harris' mother accidentally handed Turkish officials her fake toy unicorn passport instead of her real one. But they waved her right through despite the fact that, unlike in the photo, she does not have a horn or a magical rainbow tail. When asked about the incident, Turkish officials were unapologetic. We assumed she was originally a unicorn but had transformed.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, did Luke do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Luke did not. He needed five but got only four. So this week's winner is Faith.

SAGAL: There you are.

(APPLAUSE)

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