Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Sluggish Complexion, Vanilla Beaujolais Zero, Carrot Weight.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and you can check out the new "How To Do Everything" podcast. This week Mike and Ian tell you how to smuggle stuff across the border without, you know, having to go to those lengths. Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JENNY BURCHAM: Hi, this is Jenny from Raleigh, North Carolina.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Raleigh?

BURCHAM: Hot.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. Well, what do you do there in Raleigh?

(LAUGHTER)

BURCHAM: I'm an IT admin and an abstract artist.

SAGAL: You're an IT admin and an abstract artist.

BURCHAM: Yes.

FAITH SALIE: Do you eat mushrooms before you...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What does your art look like? is it like blotches of color, stripes? What is it?

BURCHAM: Landscaping.

SAGAL: You do abstract landscapes?

BURCHAM: Yes.

SAGAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

BURCHAM: If it's abstract, how do we know it's a landscape?

ALONZO BODDEN: She just told you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Right, I get it. Well, welcome to the show, Jenny. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready for your first one?

BURCHAM: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is it.

CARL KASELL: The size of this spa is palatial, And the pace of massages is glacial. And this guy in his shell treats my skin very well. A snail will be doing my?

BURCHAM: Facial.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A facial. Japanese men and women are paying $200 to have snails slime across their faces for an hour. It's believed snail trails contain magical anti- wrinkle properties such as mucus and goop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: While it sounds like just another crazy Japanese fad, think about it, it would work. If you have snails on your face, who is going to notice your wrinkles?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: An aluminum barrel's not oak, our wine flavor's strangely bespoke. There's not an iota of brown fizzy soda, and yet our wine tastes just like?

BURCHAM: Smoke?

SAGAL: Not smoke. More fizzy and soda-like. Let's hear it one more time.

KASELL: An aluminum barrel's not oak, our wine flavor's strangely bespoke. There's not an iota of brown fizzy soda, and yet our wine tastes just like?

BURCHAM: I have no clue.

SALIE: It's the real thing, Jenny.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll give you the answer. It's Coke. Our wine tastes just like Coke.

BURCHAM: Oh, my goodness.

SAGAL: A new French winemaker is answering the prayers of absolutely no one...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...and has released a Coca-Cola flavored red wine. It's called Rouge Sucette, as it's called, and it contains 75 percent wine and 25 percent sugar water and cola flavoring. It's, quote, "best drunk straight out of the fridge" and pairs best with early adolescence or self-loathing.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Is this that wine that they're selling in cans now?

SAGAL: Oh, sure, why not? A little six-pack of that.

CHARLIE PIERCE: They have diet version. They have wine zero.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Oddly enough, new wine was a colossal failure.

PIERCE: Terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here's your last limerick.

KASELL: A reward I shall get? Well, then: sold. My body I'll start to remold. Each kilo I shed earns a gram in its stead. In Dubai, loss of weight is worth?

BURCHAM: Gold.

SAGAL: Yes. The government of Dubai...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, gold.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The government of Dubai is getting its citizens to lose weight by paying them in gold. You get one gram of gold - that's worth about 45 bucks - for every two pounds lost. This could complicate matters socially. Say you buy your girlfriend a gold necklace, it no longer means I love you, but it means you used to be so fat.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: Does this reward make me look fat?

SAGAL: Exactly. You know, it's interesting though because if Dubai has that much gold, well, we have a lot of fat, we can do an exchange thing, you know.

BODDEN: I was thinking, we could literally break Dubai.

SAGAL: We could.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jenny do in our quiz?

KASELL: Jenny had two correct answers, Peter, so she wins our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Jenny.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

BURCHAM: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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