Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time

Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: The Mayor of Schlong Island, The Blame Game, Formerly Known as Prince Bump.

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CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you, everybody.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you. Thanks, Carl. Thanks everybody. We've got a great show for you today. Comedian Jim Gaffigan will be on to play our game.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's fun. Carl, what are you doing?

KASELL: Just finishing up a text.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you sure you should be texting during the show?

KASELL: It's not from me, it's from my alter ego, Jorge Daredevil.

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: And Jorge waits for no man.

SAGAL: OK. Well, while Carl finishes that up, give us a call, the number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now it's time to welcome our first listener/contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

GARY LEFEW: Hi, this is Gary LeFew from Burlington, North Carolina.

SAGAL: Gary LeFew from Burlington, North Carolina. We're going to North Carolina just next week, out in Asheville, we're going to be there. We love it out there. Is that anywhere near you?

LEFEW: No, we're right between Greensboro and Durham. It's probably about two and a half, three hours to Asheville.

SAGAL: Right. Now, Carl, is that where you're from?

KASELL: I am from North Carolina, but I'm from down east of that, a town called Goldsboro.

SAGAL: Right.

LEFEW: Know it well.

SAGAL: So I guess what we've learned here is that you guys are sort of blood brothers, and I don't know North Carolina from a hole in the ground.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to show, Gary. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, it's the comedian with the new CD "I Heart Jokes: Paula Tells Them in Boston," Paula Poundstone is here.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, Gary.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next is a senior editor and columnist for the Houston Chronicle, it's Kyrie O'Connor.

(APPLAUSE)

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Hello, Gary.

LEFEW: Hello.

SAGAL: And finally, it's the comedian who'll be performing at the Canyon Club in Agoura Hills, California, on August 23rd, it's Maz Jobrani is here.

(APPLAUSE)

MAZ JOBRANI: Buenos noches.

SAGAL: Gary, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you can win our prize, Carl's voice on your home answering machine. You ready to play?

KASELL: Ready.

SAGAL: Your first quote comes from a woman named, really, Sydney Leathers.

KASELL: Your health care rants were a huge turn on.

SAGAL: Now, that steamy note was really the only part of a series of exchanges that we can air, and that exchange happened between Ms. Leathers and whom?

LEFEW: Oh, wow, I have no idea.

SAGAL: Really? I'll give you a hint, that was a text that was sent among many that where sent back and forth.

LEFEW: Oh, Anthony Weiner.

SAGAL: Anthony Weiner, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Who else's health care rants were such a turn-on, really?

JOBRANI: Oh, Gary, we all wish we had no idea.

SAGAL: So anyway, you guys all remember when Anthony Weiner resigned from Congress after we found out he had tweeted pictures of his crotch to young women not his wife. He was going to get some therapy. Well, guess what he finds therapeutic?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, you know, he ended up, we found out this week, he's been doing it again. He did it as recently as last year. But this time he was going to be careful. Instead of sending sexts from his Twitter account, he used a pseudonym, Carlos Danger. By the way, that's why it took so long for Kate and Will to name the royal baby, their first choice was Carlos Danger Windsor.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, I don't think it would necessarily make him a bad - what does he want to be, mayor, is that what he wants to be?

SAGAL: He wants to be mayor of New York. He's running for mayor of New York.

POUNDSTONE: If you happen to have the sort of bonanza where you like his policies and his crotch, you get a win-win.

SAGAL: That's true. Well, this is the funny thing. So this is what happened. This time it was this 22-year-old political activist who got in touch with him to complain about his resignation from Congress. This is true. She wrote: I'm disappointed, you know, that you put sex life before our shared political priorities. And he says, really, what are you wearing right now?

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: They should take the cell phone from the guy. That's what he needs to - you know, maybe that's the problem, that he just likes to text a lot.

SAGAL: Do you think that his compulsion is so easy to handle that merely not having a cell phone will stop him?

POUNDSTONE: It might bring the post office back.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Did you guys see the press conference? Because, you know, he did this, talking about his apparently irrepressible habit of sexting young women in front of a sign that said Weiner. And I know it's his name, but it's also a caption.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And he did this with his wife standing right next to him, and then she stood - she stepped to the microphone, and she basically says, you know, he cheated on me, he humiliated me, and I have never been more in love with him than I am right now.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Does she call him Carlos?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: I will support Carlos through all the texting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gary, here is your next quote.

KASELL: And here's the big but.

SAGAL: That was not another one of Anthony Weiner's texts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was somebody once again explaining to the American people that our continued American economic woes are not his fault. Who is it?

LEFEW: Barack Obama.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, President Obama.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's like, all right, over here we have Anthony Weiner getting into trouble with his sexting. Over there we have President Obama talking about his plan to get the economy moving again. It's summer reruns. It's happening all over again. It's going to be so hard for the president to get his message through. We're all so used to it. If he really wants to pay attention to his proposals, he should text them to Sydney Leathers.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Well, it seems like some of the sectors are doing well, stock market's going really - Facebook just moved up today, they did, and the stock market and the housing. So the rich are doing really well.

SAGAL: Right. But they hate him, and I don't know why that is.

POUNDSTONE: Because you love people who treat you badly.

JOBRANI: Look at the wife of Weiner, Weiner's wife.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, exactly.

JOBRANI: We are like Weiner's wife, and he is our Weiner.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Your last quote, Gary, is the headline from this week's Private Eye magazine in London.

KASELL: Woman Has Baby.

SAGAL: That is a just a small sample of the media frenzy surrounding what couple and their newborn?

(LAUGHTER)

LEFEW: The birth of George with William and Kate.

SAGAL: Exactly right, William and Kate, the royal couple.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In a miraculous, superhuman feat, Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, pushed an actual miniature human being out of her own body. Whoa.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Oh, you try it, pal.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Touche, touche. The royal baby, known as either I think it's George Alexander Louis, or maybe it's Edward Alexander George, or perhaps Victoria Elgin Marbles Biscuit, Father of Dragons, I cannot tell these people apart, is third in line for succession to the British throne after his grandfather Prince Charles and his uncle, the evil lion Scar.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's a thing about little George, which is that this is not just any little baby. This is going to be the future king of England. I mean that's his - you can see his life. You know exactly what's going to happen with him. He's going to end up waving, you know, with the back of his hand to the crowd in that weird way they do. And it's like when is that nature going to manifest itself, his royal - will he say mama, we've wet our diaper? I mean...

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Well, you're going to have to wait a long time for that kid to be king, I mean, generations. He's going to be king when he's like 70.

POUNDSTONE: I just can't wait for him to be king.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Gary do in our quiz?

KASELL: My Tarheel friend did very well, Peter, three correct answers. So, Gary, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

LEFEW: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Gary.

LEFEW: Thank you.

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