Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time

Carl Kasell reads three quotes from the week's news: The Presidential Scoop, Groping For Answers, Who Wants To Be A Sports Announcer?

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CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl, thank you everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's good to be back from our break, and we're coming back in style with guest Tony Danza coming on later to answer our questions, so exciting.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: But first, NPR itself was in the news this week, when NPR's president, Gary Knell, resigned from our company after only 18 months. He is moving on to be CEO of National Geographic, and we wish him well, we do. Some of us wondered, though, why he was making this sudden and abrupt change after such a short time. According to Gary, he was leaving NPR to spend more time with his way more money.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's sweet, don't you think?

ADAM FELBER: He's been neglecting them.

SAGAL: I know, I think so. Well, anyway, unless somebody makes us a better offer in the next hour, we'll still be here and ready for your calls. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Give us a call, play a game with us. For example, welcome to WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

STEPHEN DEISHER: Hi, I'm Stephen from San Antonio.

SAGAL: Hey, how are you, Stephen?

DEISHER: Good. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. What do you do there in San Antonio?

DEISHER: I work in a warehouse down here, a subcontractor for Time Warner.

SAGAL: Oh, you work for Time Warner. That's good. You want to keep at least one degree of separation away from a company like Time Warner.

DEISHER: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know, you breezed right over the fact that he works in a warehouse for a cable company. What do you do, coil?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or unspool, it could be either.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. What do they put in the warehouse?

DEISHER: The cable, the materials that the crews use to put it up.

POUNDSTONE: So I was right, it's cable, right?

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: When you're - when you get back to work on Monday, look around and see if you can find CBS anywhere in there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, it's been misplaced. Stephen, this may be a little redundant, but let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a writer for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher," Mr. Adam Felber is here, always good to see him.

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: Hello, Stephen.

SAGAL: Next, it's a blogger and senior editor at the Houston Chronicle, Ms. Kyrie O'Connor.

(APPLAUSE)

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Hey, Stephen, love San Antonio.

SAGAL: And finally, it's the comedian who'll be at the Paramount Theatre in Rutland, Vermont , on September 13, Paula Poundstone.

(APPLAUSE)

DEISHER: Hey, Stephen.

SAGAL: Stephen, welcome to the show. Of course you're going to play Who's Carl This time, we always start this way. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Your job: correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your voice mail. Ready to go?

DEISHER: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first quote.

KASELL: I am so proud of you guys. But I will say that, for now, one dog's probably enough.

SAGAL: That was someone talking to his kids last November, turns out he lied, one dog was not enough. Who just brought a new puppy into the house?

DEISHER: The president?

SAGAL: The president of the United States, yes, President Obama.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The new dog is Sunny. Like her new best friend Bo, Sunny is a Portuguese water dog. That is a foreign animal that lives in the sea.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know what this mean? It means Obama knows he's in trouble. Whenever the press is just about to uncover his failures, he gets a new dog. Right, the press goes, Mr. President why is the economy so - ah, a puppy.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Well this is exactly - this is total shark-jumping moment. This is exactly like when the Brady Bunch adopted Oliver.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oliver was what, exactly?

FELBER: A dog.

O'CONNOR: A person.

POUNDSTONE: No, he was a person.

SAGAL: He was a person?

POUNDSTONE: No, their dog was...

O'CONNOR: Tiger.

POUNDSTONE: Oh sure, I remember when they all gave him the flea bath. That was terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I hope that the Obamas communicate better.

SAGAL: Than the Bradys did.

POUNDSTONE: Than the Bradys did when they all gave Tiger a flea bath. I have two dogs, and I'm not president, but I have two dogs. And, you know, they've torn up the entryway to the house. And, you know, I don't have to protect the Blue Room. Do you see what I'm saying?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Right.

POUNDSTONE: I mean, I'm concerned about a lot of dogs in a historic building like that. What do they do about that?

SAGAL: Well, there is this larger question of who takes care of the dogs. I mean you ask the Secret Service, do you walk the dogs, we do not walk the dogs, right. So who's - who's looking after the dogs? The Obamas say that, well, we take care of the dogs.

FELBER: So you're asking who lets the dogs out.

SAGAL: I am asking that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who, Adam, who? Who lets the dogs out?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now Sunny was brought in to be the, quote, "little sister of Bo," was named by Mrs. Obama for her sunny disposition. But the conspiracy theories are starting to fly. Some people really have suggested that the dog is actually named Sunni, as in Sunni Muslim, as a...

FELBER: Oh, yes.

SAGAL: And this is true. This would be as a counterpart to Bo, who likes to Shiite on the lawn.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Your next quote is from a woman in San Diego this week.

KASELL: I have not been the recipient of sloppy kisses.

SAGAL: That woman was one of the few who didn't get to experience a sloppy kiss from whom?

DEISHER: The mayor of San Diego.

SAGAL: Yes indeed, the mayor of San Diego, Rob Filner.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: San Diego Mayor Rob Filner is, as he will tell you, a feminist. He loves women. He loves them so much he can't keep his hands off them. He's had 18 women at last count come forward and accuse him of harassment. Many of them have filed lawsuits. He seems befuddled by the complaints. He's like, look, I'm a politician, I kiss babies. I'm supposed to keep track of how old they are?

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: What I don't get is what is his success rate. Has anyone come forward and said, he kissed me, and I liked it?

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Not even his wife.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But don't think, don't think he's gotten away with it. He has been punished. Hooters, the restaurant chain, announced that he would not be welcome in their restaurants.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Is that true?

SAGAL: Because of the way he objectifies women.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Is that true?

SAGAL: That is true. That is absolutely true.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, my heavens.

FELBER: I hear that they also managed to get themselves mentioned on NPR by saying that.

SAGAL: They did, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: For your last quote, Stephen, we have an anchor on a new TV network responding to criticism he was trying too hard.

KASELL: I'd like to correct you. We do not try hard. We put zero effort into the show.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That anchor was - Carl, you're not supposed to be confessing. You're supposed to be reading from the script.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Never mind. No, that anchor was on a new sports channel taking on ESPN. It's brought to you by what name in entertainment?

DEISHER: NBC?

SAGAL: No, get ready for the new show "Bill O'Reilly Yells At Sports."

(LAUGHTER)

DEISHER: Fox.

SAGAL: Fox, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Fox News, or rather Fox, having already become one of the big entertainment networks dominating cable news, they're going after ESPN's audience, with the debut of Fox Sports One, a national all-sports channel. And what's the secret weapon they're using to defeat ESPN? Regis Philbin.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Oh, wow.

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Wow.

SAGAL: The 82-year-old host, who began his entertainment career shouting the news from the market square in medieval London...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Will host a...

FELBER: Hear ye, hear ye.

SAGAL: Will host a daily talk show called "Crowd Goes Wild." We assume Fox's traditional, male, older-audience viewers will tune in, hoping of course they'll see, you know, crowd goes wild. They're hoping to see various athlete lift their shirts. Big surprise for them: It's going to be Regis.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hey, look at my appendectomy scar.

POUNDSTONE: They're changing the name to "Crowd Goes Ew."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Stephen do on our quiz?

KASELL: Stephen did very well, Peter, three correct answers. So Stephen, I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done, Stephen.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

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