Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl Kasell reads three news-related limericks: Cacophonous Cuddling, Boozytime, Starbucks Sprays.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT, WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and upcoming shows on the road in Cincinnati, Ohio and Baton Rouge, Louisiana. And check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week Mike and Ian learn social skills from a robot. Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

MELISSA ROBERTS: Hi.

SAGAL: Who is this?

ROBERTS: This is Melissa.

SAGAL: Hello, Melissa.

ROBERTS: Hello.

SAGAL: Where are you calling from?

ROBERTS: Portland, Oregon.

SAGAL: I was just in Portland. It remains one of my very favorite places in this country. What do you do there?

ROBERTS: I'm a scientist.

SAGAL: Really. What kind of scientist?

ROBERTS: A neuroscientist.

SAGAL: You're a neuroscientist.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, I love that. And you study the neuro.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Wonderful.

SAGAL: Melissa, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

ROBERTS: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Their dance of love is a loud mini-jig. First they stomp, then they squeak, then they whinny big. Ecstatic high squeals drown out hamster wheels. I am sick of the rut of the...

ROBERTS: Oh, my gosh. I am totally blanking.

SAGAL: Well, you are only a neuroscientist. We'll give you another chance.

ROBERTS: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They stomp, they squeak.

POUNDSTONE: Think science and testing.

ROBERTS: Well, I'm thinking mice but...

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Guinea pig, guinea pig.

SAGAL: Guinea pig. Yes, guinea pig.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A woman in Germany sued a research facility next door to her. She claimed that the loud guinea pig sex that was going on all night was keeping her up. She won her suit. But how did she know the sound that she was hearing was guinea pig sex? I guess when you hear the name Patches yelled enough times...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: As long as some water is near, who needs kegs or that other pub gear? Get ready to chug from a pitcher or mug for they've finally made powdered...

ROBERTS: Beer.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Powdered beer.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Powdered beer is finally a reality. It's no longer just a nightmare. You mix it with carbonated water, or you snort it, and you're good to go. The makers say it's great for travel. It's true. What TSA agent would stop you for carrying bags full of the mysterious new powder you cradle like a baby?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, the Stooges made beer right in their apartment.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

SAGAL: They did?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, if they can do it, it can't be that hard just to make the real thing.

SAGAL: I don't think they actually made the beer. I believe that was make believe for the movies.

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: He's got you again, Poundstone.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Get caffeine in a quick, novel way, for that jolt that will jumpstart your day. Put this mist on your skin and it simply soaks in. Get your fix from a new body...

ROBERTS: Spray?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you do not have time to drink coffee in the morning, now there's Sprayable Energy. It's a caffeine spray. You squirt it on your skin, and your body absorbs the life-giving chemical all day long.

POUNDSTONE: It sounds like a lot of shortcuts to things that we don't really need to shortcut. You know what I mean? Like powdered beer. You just get a beer and drink it.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: And sprayed caffeine. You can just get some coffee or diet soda and drink it. These are - they're not solving our problems.

FELBER: Paula, I don't know because this entire show I've been enjoying this new pizza patch on my arm.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: It's been delicious.

POUNDSTONE: And you get that delivered didn't you?

FELBER: Yeah, I did.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Melissa do on our quiz?

KASELL: Very well, Peter. Melissa, you had three correct answers so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Melissa.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing.

ROBERTS: Thank you.

SAGAL: And say hello to everybody in Portland for me. Bye-bye.

ROBERTS: OK. Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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