Panel Round One
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Jessi, scientists have come up with a great new theory for the search for extraterrestrial life. And in order to find life out there, we merely need to start looking for what?
JESSI KLEIN: Oh, methane gas? Did I know this?
SAGAL: Yes, also known as farts.
KLEIN: Yeah, we need to look for farts.
SAGAL: We need to look for alien farts.
SAGAL: The theory goes is, if the aliens have a similar biological structure similar to humans, then like humans and most other animals on Earth, they would have to release methane gas as a byproduct of their digestive system. And if that's the case, all scientists have to do is sniff out large amounts of the gas, and bingo, we have found intelligent life that we don't want to go near.
KLEIN: So we're going to bring the he who smelt it dealt it rule.
ROY BLOUNT, JR.: The scientists have to be very careful what they eat before they start looking for this because otherwise, oh, I found something.
KLEIN: It's always the scientist eating a bucket of Brussels sprouts. He's like I see them.
SAGAL: What's interesting, of course, is if the aliens are advanced enough to reach us, they'll have figured this out. They'll be looking for the same thing. We've been signaling them for years, and we didn't know it. That's why you have all those UFO sightings near Taco Bells.
KLEIN: Oh, yeah. There's a ton of aliens on the subway at rush hour in NYC if you want to search for methane.
SAGAL: This is going to be a - when they put this into effect, you know, when they send out the first, you know, probe for this, the first spacecraft, it's going to be a bad day at NASA, yeah. It's going to be, Wilkins, you'll be captain; Sanchez, you're the pilot; and, Burman, well, how's your sense of smell?
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