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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Brian Babylon and Jessi Klein have three points each. They lead. Luke Burbank has two.

SAGAL: All right. Luke, you're in third place, you'll go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. International inspectors visited three sites linked to the chemical weapons program in blank this week.

LUKE BURBANK: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Delta Airlines is investigating how a blank managed to get past multiple security agents and take a flight to Las Vegas.

BURBANK: Nine-year-old kid.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An NYPD undercover officer who participated in the confrontation between an SUV driver and a group of blanks was arrested on assault charges this week.

BURBANK: Motorcyclists.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In the presidential election in Azerbaijan Wednesday, some suspected irregularities because the government blanked.

BURBANK: Shut down.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, released election results before voting started.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That'll happen.

SAGAL: After a heated feud on Twitter, Jimmy Kimmel and blank reconciled on Kimmel's show Wednesday.

BURBANK: Easy.

SAGAL: Yes, also known as...

BURBANK: Kanye West.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In an interview with the Associated Press, President Obama said that he thought the name of the blank football team might have to be changed.

BURBANK: Washington Redskins.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The New York Giants was having such a lousy season that a local gentleman's club is now blanking.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BURBANK: Offering free lap dances if they win a game.

SAGAL: No. They're refusing to air the games because all the booing was distracting the strippers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you want to go to Rick's Cabaret, that's fine, but don't expect to watch the Giants game while you're there. According to the club spokesperson, the crowd started booing the TVs. The girls had to work extra hard. In hearing that, the Giants management said, work hard? Really? And hired the girls to be the new Giants offensive line.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Luke do on our quiz?

KASELL: Luke had five correct answers for 10 more points. He now has 12 points and Luke has taken the lead.

SAGAL: Well done. All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Brian is up next. We flipped a coin, He took this choice so here you go, Brian. Fill in the blank. In spite of the shutdown, this week the nine justices of the blank began the new court term.

BRIAN BABYLON: Supreme Court.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Because of outrage over their delay, on Thursday Congress voted to restore blank benefits to military families.

BABYLON: Death benefits?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The USDA threatened to shut down three factories linked to a blank outbreak in chicken this week.

BABYLON: Salmonella?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man being pulled over for a traffic violation led police on a short chase so he could blank.

BABYLON: He could Tweet.

SAGAL: Finish his Big Mac. Trading for the Tweeter Home Entertainment Group was suspended and the ticker symbol was changed after too many people mistook it for blank.

BABYLON: (Unintelligible)?

No Twitter. It's not Twitter, it's Tweeter.

Tweeter.

SAGAL: Saying they'll be harder to counterfeit, on Tuesday the US Treasury released the new redesigned blank.

BABYLON: Hundred dollar bill?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To hide the fact that he had forgotten to book the wedding chapel, an unhappy groom in Britain blanked.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BABYLON: Faked his own death.

SAGAL: No. He called in a bomb threat.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: That's what you do, Pete.

SAGAL: Knowing he was about to get in trouble with his future missus, because he'd forgotten to book the room, the groom waited until a few hours before the scheduled wedding and then called the chapel with a bomb threat. He then thought it was a bad idea, tried to call back but they had evacuated it because somebody had called in a bomb threat.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: But you know what, man?

SAGAL: What?

BABYLON: Their love is strong so they'll get through it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Brian do on our quiz?

KASELL: Brian had four correct answers for eight more points. He now has 11 points, but Luke Burbank still has the lead with 12.

SAGAL: All right. Well, how many then does Jessi Klein need to win?

KASELL: Five correct answers.

SAGAL: All right, Jessi. This is for the game, here we go. Though it didn't sever ties, this week the U.S. cut back military and economic aid to blank.

JESSI KLEIN, COMEDIAN: Egypt.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After raiding hideouts in Libya and Somalia, a team of US blanks captured an al-Qaida leader.

COMEDIAN: Navy SEALs.

SAGAL: You bet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Kwame Kilpatrick, the former mayor of blank was sentenced to 28 years in prison for public corruption.

COMEDIAN: Detroit?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Nobel Prize for Physics was awarded this week to British scientists responsible for discovering the blank particle.

COMEDIAN: The god particle.

SAGAL: Yeah, known as the higgs boson.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Vatican is recalling more than 6,000 gold medals commemorating Pope Francis's papacy because they misspelled blank.

COMEDIAN: Francis?

SAGAL: No. Jesus.

COMEDIAN: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They spelled it Lesus.

COMEDIAN: That's cool.

SAGAL: This week, Kardashian mom Kris announced that she was separating from her husband, Olympic champion blank.

COMEDIAN: Bruce Jennfer.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After posting minor criticisms on Twitter, Neil Degrasse Tyson posted a message online complimenting the space movie blank.

COMEDIAN: "Gravity."

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Wisconsin scientist discovered a new species of tick in blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

COMEDIAN: In deer?

SAGAL: No, in his nose.

COMEDIAN: Oh, OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Three days after returning from a trip to Africa, Dr. Tony Goldberg found a tick up his nose. And after removing it with forceps - that's how scientists pick their noses...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...he discovered it was a new species heretofore unknown. Said Goldberg, when you first realize you have a tick up your nose, it takes a lot of willpower not to claw your face off.

(LAUGHTER)

COMEDIAN: Well, that's a gross way to end.

SAGAL: Carl, did Jessi do well enough to win?

KASELL: Jessi had six correct answers for 12 more points, giving her 15 points and that's enough to make her this week's champion.

(APPLAUSE)

COMEDIAN: That's the first time I've won.

SAGAL: Really?

COMEDIAN: I think I just (unintelligible).

SAGAL: Congratulations.

BABYLON: She's so excited.

COMEDIAN: How am I going to spend all the money I get? Wait, what?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what new category the Nobel Prize committee will unveil next year for a new prize. But first, let me tell you all...

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