Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl Kasell reads three news-related limericks: Human Cheddar, One Bad Ass, Dumpbook.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank,, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT, WAIT...that's 1-888, 9-2-4, 8-9-2-4. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. You can see Carl do his Elvis impression at our first ever show in Memphis, Tennessee on December 19th. And you can check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week Mike and Ian tell you how to do the full Riker. Hi, you're on WAIT, WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

LINDSAY GARRETT CONTESTANT: Hi. My name is Lindsay Garrett and I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio.

SAGAL: Hey, we were just in Cincinnati last week.

CONTESTANT: I know. I was there too.

SAGAL: What do you do there in the Queen City?

CONTESTANT: I take care of the manatees, crocodiles and alligators at the zoo here.

SAGAL: No kidding.

CONTESTANT: Yeah.

SAGAL: What a great job.

CONTESTANT: It is.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Well wait, I'm not sure I know what a manatee is. Is it the thing that looks - its head is sort of shaped like a comma?

(LAUGHTER)

CONTESTANT: It's a sea cow.

SAGAL: We've discovered, Paul, you're not good at describing anything (unintelligible).

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Let me ask you, do you have female manatees?

CONTESTANT: Yes, we do have female manatees.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, how would you describe their rack?

(LAUGHTER)

CONTESTANT: You know what? I've never, ever had that questioned asked in (unintelligible).

POUNDSTONE: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: The rack, that manatees got a rack.

(LAUGHTER)

CONTESTANT: I wouldn't say they have any sort of rack on a manatee.

SAGAL: Yeah, they're rather aerodynamic there.

(LAUGHTER)

CONTESTANT: Yes, they're pretty just found all over, males and females alike.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Lindsay, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell's going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

CONTESTANT: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: I am giving my armpits a squeeze, and I end up with cheddars and bries. I don't have to keep any cows, goat, or sheep. I've developed some human sourced...

CONTESTANT: ...cheese?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF DISGUST)

TOM BODETT: Oh.

SAGAL: I know. An American biologist is working to bring us the world's first human cheese. You see, they use bacteria scraped from armpits, your armpits, human armpits...

(SOUNDBITE OF DISGUST)

SAGAL: ...to culture brie or cheddar and a rind cheese, all of which goes great with a nice glass of sweat wine.

(SOUNDBITE OF DISGUST)

BODETT: Oh, that's disgusting.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: We did a thing on donkey cheese on this show, like, last year.

SAGAL: We did, yeah.

BODETT: So this is worse than that.

SAGAL: This is worse than donkey cheese.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: As I trot and guard sheep I look wonky and my braying is noisy and honky. Wild dogs that go woof get a taste of my hoof, don't mess with this trained attack...

CONTESTANT: ...donkey?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A trained attack donkey.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Donkey, which are basically dumb horses, can be trained to scare off the predators that go after sheep. They're called quote, "territory attack donkeys" or "flocking jackasses."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: The stock price of Facebook has jumped, it's omniscience just cannot be trumped. Like some god from above it knows all about love, whom I'm dating and when I'll get...

CONTESTANT: ...dumped?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, dumped. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a combined study from Facebook and Cornell University, Facebook knows when you're about to get dumped. Apparently couples with lots of mutual friends are more likely to stay together, whereas couples with different groups of friends aren't. So if you want to make sure you and your partner stick together, cheat on them with somebody you both know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Lindsay to on our quiz?

KASELL: Perfect game, Peter, three correct answers. So, Lindsay, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Lindsay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks a lot for playing.

CONTESTANT: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!