Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Dog Park, Brief Distraction, Hail Me Anytime.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT...that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our show at Memphis Tennessee on December 19th. Tickets are still available. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

GARRY DAKE: Hi, my name is Garry and I'm from Watson, British Columbia, Canada.

SAGAL: Oh wow, you're a Canadian listener. How great to hear from you. We love to hear from Canada.

(APPLAUSE)

DAKE: Thank you.

SAGAL: British Columbia I've never been. I know it's beautiful though.

DAKE: Where I live is approximately two miles north of the U.S. border.

SAGAL: Yeah.

DAKE: And maybe 120 miles north of Seattle.

SAGAL: OK. So do you smuggle a lot?

(LAUGHTER)

DAKE: That would be telling.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Garry. Carl Kasell is going to perform for you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

DAKE: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Flat-packed furniture we like to flog IKEA - fake wood from fake logs. While meatballs you get we keep watch of your pet. There's a green space that's just for your...

DAKE: ...dog.

SAGAL: Right. Indeed, dog. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: IKEA Germany is now offering special parking spots for dogs, little individual patches of astroturf with water bowls. You leave your pup there. and when you're done shopping you simply pick your dog up in flatpack from the warehouse, bring it home, and reassemble it according to the vaguely sinister wordless directions.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your second limerick, Garry.

KASELL: As a woman, I care about stock reports, but I'm weak when a hot young male fox cavorts. Investments get risky when I'm feeling frisky. I can't touch a pair of men's...

DAKE: ...boxer shorts.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed. Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new scientific study from Belgium, women are more likely to take financial and workplace risks if they first touch a pair of men's boxer shorts. This is because scientists say women associate the boxers with sex, and sex triggers risky behavior.

MAZ JOBRANI: So if you're like a real estate agent, you should bring boxers to the place you're - if you have a female buyer and just be like, before I try to sell you this house, just feel these boxers I got.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you could figure out a way to do that it might work.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: There's a problem with the study.

SAGAL: I knew you'd think so.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: First of all, why? But...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...you're not saying that they're saying if women see sexual images - they didn't even use sexual - so you don't know that it couldn't be another thing like a hand towel, like if they'd showed them a hand towel...

SAGAL: No, but listen, you're...

POUNDSTONE: ...and then they're like, you know what? I bet it all.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: My driver is chatty and gabby, his physique is unkempt and quite flabby. But this calendar shows that his essence just glows. It has pinups of my New York...

DAKE: ...cabby.

SAGAL: Yes, my New York cabby.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Just in time for the holidays, New York City is releasing its 2014 NYC Taxi Drivers Pinup Calendar. It features 12 of New York's hackiest cabbies, in a variety of steamy poses, draping their bare skin over seats you're going to have to sit on someday.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The calendar is currently backordered, probably due to the fun scratch and try not to sniff feature.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's interesting is, even as they pose semi-naked for the camera, they're still talking on their cell phones in a language you've never heard before.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Want me to do the accent?

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Garry do?

KASELL: Well, Garry had two correct answers, Peter, and that's good enough to win our prize.

POUNDSTONE: All right, Garry.

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Garry.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing.

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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!