A Cure for Cold Feet
MELISSA BLOCK, host:
We all learned this weekend that the runaway bride wasn't kidnapped after all. The Georgia woman who vanished before her wedding turned up alive and well, just a bit anxious about the big day. Today her husband-to-be said he still wants to tie the knot. Well, don't worry. We're not going to have in-depth coverage of the matter, just this offering from satirist Harry Shearer.
(Soundbite of music)
(As Announcer) Has this ever happened to you?
(As Broadcaster) This just in: The bride-to-be who was supposedly kidnapped on the eve of her wedding day has been found safe at a Greyhound bus terminal. Police are calling her another victim of PMA syndrome, premarital anxiety.
(As Announcer) Premarital anxiety. When I had it, they just called it cold feet. But whatever you call it, it can be a serious problem. That's why there's a serious answer: Jitterin, the first prescription medicine specifically designed for the symptoms of PMA, premarital anxiety.
(As Doctor) I am a doctor, and I'm being paid to say I'm a doctor. But the newly married joy I see in the faces of my patients after just two weeks of Jitterin would almost be reward enough by itself, almost.
(As Announcer) Jitterin curbs the jitters of PMA while restoring your sense of well-being. It helps you sleep during those exciting, pre-wedding days, and it helps keep those unwanted pounds off, even while you have that extra bridal shower cookie. Jitterin is not recommended for pregnant women. You should not take Jitterin if you have a history of having taken Jitterin before and found it non-effective. Occasional side effects include anxiety, sleeplessness and sudden weight gain.
(As Pastor) I'm Hillary's(ph) pastor, and when she came to me to discuss her service, she was a bundle of nerves. After just one regime of Jitterin, she was the most beautiful bride I ever married. Farrah Fawcett was one of mine.
(As Announcer) Don't let PMA ruin your wedding day. Ask your doctor if Jitterin is right for you. And ask a clergyman. Jitterin, because the most important week of your life shouldn't be your least-medicated week. Jitterin, from the people at Pharmaceutica 3000(ph). We're with you for life.
BLOCK: Satire from Harry Shearer and his radio program "Le Show" from member station KCRW in Santa Monica, California.
ROBERT SIEGEL (Host): You're listening to ALL THINGS CONSIDERED on NPR, National Public Radio.
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