Ex-Teacher; Will Ticket Drivers for Pension

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Commentator Daniel Ferri has a proposal that will make the highways safer and contribute to teachers' pension funds. He calls it "Retired Teachers for Highway Laws and Safety" or RuTHLeSS Corps. Retired teachers would identify traffic safety violators. The money from the fines they would have to pay would be donated to teachers' pension funds.

ROBERT SIEGEL, host:

Here's a proposal that will improve the enforcement of traffic laws on the nation's highways and help out states where the teachers' pension funds are running low. It is presented by commentator and middle school teacher Daniel Ferri.

DANIEL FERRI:

I propose we recruit a corps of retired teachers to monitor the nation's highways, the Retired Teachers for Highway Laws and Safety, or the RuTHLeSS Corps. We veterans of the education war stand ready. After hallway duty, highway duty would be a snap. All we'd need is an unmarked car and a baseball cap with a high-resolution video camera clipped to the bill and a patrol officer partner, or POP, to maintain radio communication with.

The RuTHLeSS Corps teachers would cruise their patch of highway on the lookout for speeders or tailgaters or barrelling down the breakdown lane while eating a hamburger talking on the phone a hamburger and flipping the burgers. The RuTHLeSS monitors would simply whomp their teacher look on the vehicular violator for 30 seconds or so, just long enough for their cap-mounted camera to record it all, including the license plate number. Then they'd make a radio call to their patrol officer partner ,who would be strategically placed at the next highway exit and gotcha.

Think about it. Who is better qualified to monitor self-centered, reckless, immature behavior than the nation's veteran teachers? Roads would be safer, revenue from moving violations would skyrocket and we could use a portion of it to wipe out the deficit in the teacher pension fund. Two problems solved at once.

There are, of course, some stretches of highway that are tougher to police than others. That's where we'd have to call out the heavy artillery, the sisters retired from the Catholic schools. They would be the only members of the RuTHLeSS Corps with special dispensation to pull the worst offenders off to the side of the road. We'd equip their cars with an extra large trunk to hold a portable blackboard. The sisters would frog-march violators to the side of the road and they'd make them stand with their nose in a circle on the blackboard waiting for the patrol car to arrive. I figure just the sight of this would make the roads safer. Yeah, the sisters would be the elite of the RuTHLeSS Corps. They'd patrol the billboard jungle, keeping our highways and our pensions safe; their habits flowing out in the wind, giving a new meaning to the term black-and-whites.

SIEGEL: Daniel Ferri comes to us by way of Chicago Public Radio.

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