Mixed Feelings on Baseball's Opening Day
ALEX CHADWICK, host:
From basketball to baseball, opening day is Sunday. Here are the sports brothers, Jason and Randy Sklar.
Mr. RANDY SKLAR (Sportscaster): Hey, Jay. Remember when opening day actually meant something in baseball?
Mr. JASON SKLAR (Sportscaster): Yeah, I do, Rand. It was in 2005.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Now opening day is just an afterthought, a post-cursor.
Mr. J. SKLAR: That's not even a word.
Mr. R. SKLAR: I don't care. Make no bones about it. No matter what anybody says, opening day 2006 is just an epilogue to the World Baseball Classic. A baseball classic that I might add featured a USA-less...
Mr. J. SKLAR: Again, not a word.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Again, don't care. A USA-less semi-final and final. I'm sorry, that's just wrong.
Mr. J. SKLAR: Well, I agree with you there. Not to get all jingoistic or anything, but baseball is America's national pastime. Now we've come to find out that there are at least four other countries in the world that are better than us at our game.
Mr. R. SKLAR: It taints this whole 2006 Major League Baseball season.
Mr. J. SKLAR: In November, after someone wins the World Series and calls themselves the world champion, that proclamation simply will not be true.
Mr. R. SKLAR: In our minds, if you truly want to call yourselves the world champions, you've got to beat Japan, the World Baseball Classics champions first to earn that title.
Mr. J. SKLAR: I'd go so far as to say that until we unseat Japan as baseball's true world champion, we are no longer allowed to sell beer and hot dogs in our major league ballparks; instead, only sushi and sake.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Let's take it one step further. Let's rewrite the lyrics to Take Me Out to the Ballgame to include the line buy me some munagi and salmon roe, I don't care if I ever go home.
Mr. J. SKLAR: Well, that's all good and well. But first, we need to rename our World Series so that it more accurately represents the scope of the league. And here's where you and I disagree, Rand. I think from now on we should call the World Series the America's Cup.
Mr. J. SKLAR: And I think that's ridiculous.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Why?
Mr. J. SKLAR: Because you're going to get tons of hate mail from the Dennis Connor fan club. Yachting aficionados everywhere will rise up and blog you into oblivion.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Well, we'll just put another P and an E at the end of cup and make it different, America's Cuppe.
Mr. J. SKLAR: You just made it European.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Fine. What's your suggestion?
Mr. J. SKLAR: We call it the National Championship.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Okay. Number one: that's college basketball. Number two: that's college football. And number three: that ignores the entire American League.
Mr. J. SKLAR: Fine. What about the American National Baseball Tournament Championship?
Mr. R. SKLAR: Mmm, too terse.
Mr. J. SKLAR: How about the American National Baseball Tournament Championship and Performance-Enhanced Player Best of Seven Jamboree? Or we could call it the Fall Classic.
Mr. J. SKLAR: I like that, too.
CHADWICK: Sports brothers Randy and Jason Sklar. Their TV show, Cheap Seats, is on ESPN Classics.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Whatever. You know that we're going to have to watch this entire 2006 season under protest.
Mr. J. SKLAR: I do.
Mr. R. SKLAR: Now, can we just talk about something a little less controversial, like Barry Bonds breaking the homerun record?
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