Baseball: Opening Day, Steroid Night

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With Major League Baseball entering the first full day of games, Satirist Harry Shearer offers his take on Opening Day.


Finally we'd be remiss if we didn't mention that the 2006 baseball season is underway. Among the match ups today, San Diego and San Francisco. The Giants are in the spotlight thanks to allegations of steroid use by slugger Barry Bonds. Those claims have cast a shadow over the start of the season and they've got the mind of satirist Harry Shearer going, imagining a baseball promotion in Los Angeles.

HARRY SHEARER (Satirist): A reminder fans, this Friday night is a very special evening at beautiful Dodger Stadium. Sure, there's a ballgame, but it's also steroid night at the house Rupert bought. Featuring a special pre-game exhibition of batting and frequent urination by baseball legend Mark McGwire. But that's not all, the first 10,000 people through the turnstiles get a coupon good for a free week's supply of Andro, compliments of the good people who would rather not be identified by name. It's a great night for the whole family. You'll see a complete ballgame if you decide to stay, plus you'll get increased muscle mass and a chin as big as all outdoors. And you'll enjoy Mark McGwire swatting them over the fence just the way he used to before his ankles buckled. So make a point of it, Steroid Night at Dodgers Stadium. Good tickets are on sale right through and after game time. So, see you at the ballpark.

BLOCK: Satire from Harry Shearer. His new sketches are collected on a CD called Dropping Anchors.

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