Where in the World Are Korea's Kim and Suri Cruise?

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LIANE HANSEN, host:

Have you been puzzling about the latest news from North Korea? Humorist Andy Borowitz has.

ANDY BOROWITZ reporting:

News reports out of Asia indicate that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il hasn't been seen in public for over a month. This has led some to speculate that his regime is in crisis, and he might be stepping down soon.

Well, as much as I'd love to see the guy with the nutty sunglasses go, I have another explanation. It's August, and much like President Bush, Kim Jong Il is at his ranch. Think about it. You can't refine uranium and fire off test missiles 12 months out of the year. Totalitarian madmen need a break, just like the rest of us.

Who's to say that Kim Jong Il isn't spending the month tooling around in an SUV and clearing brush? Besides, if the North Korean dictator is really as unstable as some people say he is, do we really want him going into the office in August, when his shrink is on vacation? I sure don't.

This brings me to another public figure who hasn't been seen this month: Suri Cruise. Now, to all those who have been clamoring for visual evidence of the legendary Tom-kitten, let me say this. Leave Suri alone. Much like being president of North Korea, being the child of Tom Cruise is an exhausting, full-time job. She deserves August off, at her ranch. Trust me, Suri is going to come roaring back in September - tan, rested and ready.

HANSEN: Humorist Andy Borowitz is the author of a new book entitled The Republican Playbook.

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