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How Not to Apply for a Job

You're about to graduate from Yale. You want to be an investment banker. It is recommended not to put on your resume A.) a fake company to which you've appointed yourself CEO B.) a fake charity you claim to have founded or C.) a claim to have written a book, which you publish online, plagiarizing all its content. Oh, and don't make a video that is so laughably funny that the banks you apply to send it around the investment community as the most, idiotic, self-absorbed, cliche-ridden awful thing people have seen in weeks.

Aleskey Veyner took none of that advice. The video was released to the public on Ivygate, a blog that covers the Ivy League.

From the Yale Daily News today:

"The 11-page resume, which was obtained by IvyGate, includes claims that Vayner taught martial arts to the winner of the Korean Nationals Tai-Kwan Do Championships and a link to a video purporting to be an interview with Vayner about his strategies for success. In the video, now available on YouTube, Vayner appears to lift a 495-pound weight and serve a tennis ball at 140 miles per hour.
"'To achieve success, you must first conceive it and believe in it. Remember: Impossible is nothing,' Vayner said in the video."

I feel compelled to quote from the cover letter he sent along with his 11-page resume:

"I strive in intense, competitive environments. As a world-level athlete in several sports, I have developed an insatiable appetite for peak performance and continuous learning. My trainer and world martial arts champion often said, 'Impossible is just someone's opinion.' I live by those words."

The writing only gets worse. It's like seeing a horrible car crash — you just can't stop yourself.

And I'll just link to this piece written about him (PDF) by the guy who hosted him during Yale's Bulldog Days (a pre- and post-freshmen mixer on campus). Now that guy can write.