How to Solve The Other 'Clinton Problem'

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MADELEINE BRAND, host:

Back now with Day to Day. An Obama-Clinton ticket, a fantasy for many Democrats, but one fraught with complexities. Chief among them, former President Bill Clinton. In today's Unger Report, Brian Unger has this advice for Barack Obama on how to handle the Bill factor.

BRIAN UNGER: The most startling, frightening phone call that President Obama will answer in the White House won't be caused by a national security crisis at 3 a.m. Not if you listen to the pundits and even some unnamed Obama insiders. No, the most serious telephone exchange that President Obama will have in the Oval Office if he puts Hillary on the ticket, or if he doesn't, will sound something like this.

Unidentified Man #1: President Obama's office, can I help you?

Unidentified Man #2: Yes, we have a Mr. Bill Clinton here to see the president.

Unidentified Man #1: Could you hold on for a second, please?

UNGER: Does President Obama then wave his hands frantically and say to his assistant, tell him I'm not here? Or does he say to his assistant, just tell the old man I'm out of the office - for eight years? This, the prospect of a former president loitering in the lobby of a sitting president seems to be about as far as the conversation has gotten regarding an Obama-Clinton ticket. It's not how Barack and Hillary would govern together that has Obama's people freaked, it's how to deal with Bill Clinton as Cosmo Kramer.

(Soundbite of TV Show "Seinfeld")

Mr. MICHAEL RICHARDS: (as Cosmo Kramer) I don't know if you've noticed, but lately I've been drifting aimlessly.

UNGER: Jerry Seinfeld's disruptive, unhinged neighbor bursting through the Oval Office door with some unsolicited advice on Iran, or just waxing poetic about boxers, briefs or neither.

Mr. RICHARDS: (as Cosmo Kramer) Do you see what's going on here?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. RICHARDS: (as Cosmo Kramer) No boxers, no jockeys.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. RICHARDS: (as Cosmo Kramer) The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine.

(Soundbite of laughter)

UNGER: Political scientists call it the Clinton-Cosmo Kramer conundrum. What to do about an unfiltered Bill Clinton dropping by the Obama White House?

Mr. RICHARDS: (as Cosmo Kramer) I'm out there Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it.

(Soundbite of laughter)

UNGER: Well, now there's hope for the Cosmo-Clinton conundrum. Hope is, after all, Obama's mission and message to deal with a wide range of huge, complex problems facing the nation. Doesn't a Cosmo-Clinton seem like the least of Obama's problems? The answer is simple. It's time to have an electronic monitoring bracelet attached to Bill Clinton's ankle. Coupled with human monitoring by the secret service, it would warn against two things: a crashing Cosmo-Clinton disrupting an Obama presidency, and Clinton showing up unannounced in the White House kitchen demanding ham and eggs.

Mr. RICHARDS: (as Cosmo Kramer) I'm free. I'm unfettered.

(Soundbite of laughter)

UNGER: And that is today's Unger Report. I'm Brian Unger.

BRAND: Weekly humor from the Unger Report every Monday on Day to Day.

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