We Compile Election Sound So You Don't Have To

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After nearly two years of campaign ads, gaffes and laughs, the 2008 presidential election is less than one week away. Some of the campaign's greatest hits have been put together in a compilation not available in stores. Here's a very special offer for all you news junkies and political flunkies.

STEVE INSKEEP, host:

Now, in this presidential election, we know what most voters say is their top issue. Polls tell us the economy is overwhelmingly number one. But for the past couple of years, the campaigns and the media have been captivated by all sorts of issues. And as the campaign season winds down, we've put together some of the greatest hits of stuff that just didn't matter.

(Soundbite of song "Layla")

ROBERT SMITH: Hey, man, is that NPR's collection of irrelevant campaign moments you're playing?

Unidentified Man #1: Yeah, man.

SMITH: Then turn it up.

(Soundbite of song "Layla")

(Soundbite of 2008 Republican National Convention)

Governor SARAH PALIN (Republican, Alaska; Republican Vice Presidential Candidate): I love those hockey moms. You know, they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SMITH: Remember 2008? Well, now you can relive those lipstick-obsessed days all over again with this solid gold collection. Not available in stores. You'll get Barack Obama...

(Soundbite of Democratic campaign event)

Senator BARACK OBAMA (Democrat, Illinois; Democratic Presidential Candidate): You know, you can put lipstick on a pig.

(Soundbite of crowd cheering)

Senator OBAMA: It's still a pig.

SMITH: You'll get John McCain.

(Soundbite of Republican campaign event)

Senator JOHN MCCAIN (Republican, Arizona; Republican Presidential Candidate): I think they put some lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SMITH: These are the original hits by the original politicians. Each gem is guaranteed to be ridiculous, superficial, and have nothing to do with the job of being president. Who could forget this sizzling chart topper?

(Soundbite of FOX News broadcast)

Ms. E.D. HILL (Anchor, FOX News): A fist bump, a pound, a terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently.

SMITH: But that's not all. You'll get Obama's Greek columns at his acceptance speech, Bristol Palin's pregnancy, the kerfuffle over which candidate was more like Paris Hilton.

(Soundbite of Paris Hilton ad)

Unidentified Announcer #1: He's the biggest celebrity in the world.

SMITH: The brouhaha(ph) over who was more tech-savvy.

(Soundbite of Democratic campaign ad)

Unidentified Announcer #2: He admits he still doesn't know how to use a computer, can't send an email.

SMITH: And there's more. Obama mentions arugula. McCain calls some kid a jerk. Biden forgets when TV was invented. Palin gets a lot of clothes.

(Soundbite of Republican campaign event)

Governor SARAH PALIN (Republican, Alaska; Vice Presidential Candidate): I'm not taking them with me. I'm back to wearing my own clothes from my favorite consignment shop in Anchorage, Alaska.

(Soundbite of crowd ovation)

SMITH: All of the election's least important moments collected for the first time in one 26-CD set. You'll get the media firestorms, superdelegates, tempests in teapots, lapel pins, names you won't soon forget.

Senator MCCAIN: Joe the Plumber... Joe the Plumber... Joe... Joe... His name is Joe Wurzelburger.

SMITH: Plus the candidates you've already forgotten.

(Soundbite of Tom Tancredo campaign ad)

Representative TOM TANCREDO (Republican, Colorado): I am Tom Tancredo, and I approved this message.

(Soundbite of Chris Dodd campaign ad)

Senator CHRIS DODD (Democrat, Connecticut): I'm Chris Dodd, and I approved this message.

(Soundbite of Duncan Hunter campaign ad)

Representative DUNCAN HUNTER (Republican, California): I'm Congressman Duncan Hunter.

(Soundbite of Mike Huckabee campaign ad)

Former Governor MIKE HUCKABEE (Republican, Arkansas): Two words: Chuck Norris.

(Soundbite of music)

SMITH: Plus, who could resist the campaign's funniest home videos and greatest bloopers?

(Soundbite of Republican town hall meeting)

Senator MCCAIN: That old Beach Boys song, "Bomb Iran"? Bomb, bomb, bomb - anyway...

(Soundbite of laughter)

(Soundbite of Democratic fundraiser)

Senator OBAMA: And it's not surprising then they get bitter, and they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward people who aren't like them.

SMITH: If you buy now, you'll also get this collection of forgotten campaign love songs. Hundreds of hours of music you'll never want to hear again after November 4.

(Soundbite of song)

Unidentified Man #2: (Singing) Hillary Clinton is just a hater, So for Prez I'm voting Ralph Nader. There ain't nobody greater. On either side of the equator If he was on "Saved by the Bell," He'd be Slater. He's a sweet Jedi, And McCain's Darth Vader.

(Soundbite of song)

Unidentified Children: (Singing) Yes, we can, can, can. Yes, we can, can, can. Yes, we can, can, can. Yes we can lift each other. Yes we can lift each other.

(Soundbite of song "McCain-Palin Tradition")

Mr. HANK WILLIAMS, JR.: (Singing) Yes, John is his own man, And Sarah fixed Alaska's bad condition. They're going to get it right, We're going to see the light, It's a McCain-Palin tradition.

SMITH: The campaign may have stretched on for two years, but the memories in this collection will annoy you for a lifetime. This sensational offer is only available for a limited time. Come November 5, the entire election season may seem irrelevant, and this collection will be history. Act now, here's how to order.

(Soundbite of music)

INSKEEP: NPR's irrelevant election collection was assembled by NPR's Robert Smith. Please don't send checks or money orders. All the twists and turns of the 2008 election, meaningful or not, are available for free at npr.org.

Copyright © 2008 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio.

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