Simon SaysSimon Says NPR's Scott Simon Shares His Take On Events Large And Small

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SCOTT SIMON, host:

My wife doesn't work. She's a full-time mother. She luxuriates in bed until 6:30 a.m., when our two-year-old chants, Mama, Mama, like some ancient war call, and she trudges into the kitchen with our baby on one shoulder to use her free hand to heat milk.

I stay in my office, writing, procrastinating, and checking baseball scores until I need another cup of coffee. My wife tries to go to the bathroom. Our two-year-old clings to her knees. Using a bathroom with a two-year-old on your lap should be a rodeo event.

Our six-year-old gets up and chirps, Mama, Mama. My wife holds our two-year-old in one arm, our six-year-old with the other, and heats up more milk with her third arm. I come into the kitchen for more coffee.

She dresses our daughters. It's like trying to put tuxedo shirts on two squiggling ferrets. My wife walks our daughters 10 blocks to kindergarten, but it takes half an hour because our girls won't step on a cracks, stop to look in every window, and stomp in every puddle. She has to pull them along like sacks of nails.

When she finally gets back to our apartment, my wife can finally relax. She does laundry, pays bills, stays on hold with the credit card, Internet and phone companies for 45 minutes because the bill is wrong while our two-year-old swings from her neck like a chimp, resets the wireless service, changes diapers and light bulbs, buys food, picks up toys, cleans the fish bowl and hermit crab habitat, organizes closets, cleans what our cat coughs up, schleps to the storage locker, tries to take a shower but can't, because our two-year-old can't find her stuffed dog, picks up our six-year-old from school, takes her to ballet, makes three meals and innumerable snacks, calls our mothers, sends photos of their grandchildren, and wipes up milk, water, and diaper spills the way Red Adair put out oil fires.

I help by calling my wife a couple of times a day to tell her how busy I am and ask, uh, darling, could you find my red socks?

She's got about four minutes a day to herself, and eats only Cheerios that fall on the floor. She works 15 hours a day with no breaks or mandated meals, 365 days a year with no real vacations. Our daughters feel free to cough up and sneeze things into her hands. If Samuel Gompers heard about my wife's working conditions, he'd say organize and fight. Instead, she knows that in these times it's a gift to be able to be a full-time mother. You know, just to be home with the kids.

(Soundbite of song, "Nice Work If You Can Get It")

Unidentified People: (Singing) Nice work if you can get it, and you can get it if you try. Strolling with the one girl, sighing sigh after sigh, Nice work if you can get it, and you can get it if you try

SIMON: This is NPR News.

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Simon SaysSimon Says NPR's Scott Simon Shares His Take On Events Large And Small