ROBERT SIEGEL, host:
Betties everywhere are shocked to discover that after 67 years, Archie popped the question to Veronica.
If you don't read the "Archie" comics, here's the deal. There is a love triangle between Archie, the fresh-faced boy you'd bring home to mother, Betty, the girl next door, and Veronica, the voluptuous rich girl. Well, this bombshell, Archie proposing to Veronica, was dropped in the latest Archie comic, and we asked advice columnist Amy Dickinson to weigh in on Betty's personal heartache.
AMY DICKINSON: Dear Amy: I have been going out with my high school boyfriend, Archie, for 67 years, though honestly it feels like longer. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple, but for the most part, we get along great. Sure, he has commitment issues, but that's normal, right?
Unfortunately, it seems that whenever Archie and I get in a little tiff, Veronica, my worst frenemy, sweeps in. She's, like, really manipulative. But what can I say? She's rich and stuck-up, and really knows how to work her curves. Plus, she drives a roadster.
Yesterday, I found out that Archie is planning to marry Veronica. I don't know how many times he's hinted that he and I would live happily ever after, but when I think about it, he never actually said the words. It was always implied, though. I'm heartbroken. I'm mad, too.
The worst part is that they've asked me to go to the wedding. Veronica is even hinting that she wants me to be a bridesmaid. Can you imagine? Of course, I'll probably do it because that's just the sort of person I am, but it's hard to imagine picking up the pieces after dating the same guy for three generations.
Amy, what am I supposed to do now?
Dear Betty: Here's what you should do. Pour yourself into a red dress, the one with the big white polka dots on it. Take your hair down for once, okay? You're a natural blonde, Betty, don't be afraid to work it. But don't wear your neck scarf, though a simple strand of pearls would be nice. I want you to hold your head up high, go to that wedding, and tell yourself that you're better off without him.
At the wedding reception - I'm sure it'll be held at the Riverdale Country Club - if you have a few too many appletinis and decide to tell off Veronica once and for all, and maybe dance a little too close with Reggie or Jughead, so be it. You're a free woman, Betty, and now's your chance to stand up for all the Bettys everywhere.
I have a really good feeling about you, Betty. I know there are many adventures in store for you. Have you thought about getting a job in the city?
You probably haven't heard the last of Archie. No doubt he'll come crawling back to you, just like he always does, and this will probably happen sooner than you think. The question you need to ask yourself is: What will you do then?
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SIEGEL: Amy Dickinson is the author of the syndicated advice column, Ask Amy, and the memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville."