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TERRY GROSS, host:

This is FRESH AIR. I'm Terry Gross.

My guest, Samantha Bee, is the most senior correspondent for "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." She joined the show in 2003. Her husband, Jason Jones, became a contributor two years later.

They have two children together with a third on the way. Now Samantha Bee has a new memoir about growing up in Canada in an unconventional family called "I Know I Am, But What Are You?"

Let's start with a clip from "The Daily Show" from a couple of years ago. It had just been reported that Eliot Spitzer, then governor of New York, had been a client in a prostitution ring. At a press conference, Spitzer admitted he'd violated the trust of his family. Standing at his side was his wife.

Jon Stewart said that Spitzer had just joined the shame parade of politicians caught cheating on their spouses, and Spitzer followed the simple rule of public humiliation: bring a date. Here's Samantha Bee's report. Midway through it, she's joined by her husband, Jason Jones.

(Soundbite of TV show "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart")

(Soundbite of applause)

Mr. JON STEWART (Host, "The Daily Show"): We have seen this time and time again: a bad actor with his supportive spouse by his side.

Ms. SAMANTHA BEE (Comedian and Author): You know, if there's one business event your spouse should probably be excused from, it's the one where you explain how you've betrayed them. I mean, what does someone even wear for that? Does this skirt make my ass look humiliated?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. STEWART: It is mind-blowing. They always have their wife by their side. It seems like cruelty piled upon cruelty.

Ms. BEE: Yes, exactly. If anything, let the hooker stand up there.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: She's the one everyone wants to see. Ladies, am I right? Please.

Mr. STEWART: Well, now, Sam, that's a good point. There are rumors, though, that the governor is negotiating his resignation. What are your sources telling you about that?

Ms. BEE: I don't really know. I haven't been really paying any attention, so...

Mr. STEWART: I asked you to cover this last night, to get the...

Ms. BEE: I know. I was out, so I didn't really do that.

Mr. STEWART: You were out? What do you mean, you were out?

Ms. BEE: Yeah, at a club, like a private club.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: I'm sorry, just hold on a second. Hey...psst...

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Jon, I need to make a brief statement. Last night I engaged in activities that failed to live up to the high standards I set for myself as a wife. I was with a man, men, a group of men.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Maybe a lady or two. I don't really remember. Definitely, though, several men. It was a betrayal of my marriage, even if left me satisfied in a way my husband, who you see next to me, never has.

Mr. STEWART: Sam, this is not an appropriate forum to...

Ms. BEE: No, no, no, no, please. I owe it to Jason, whom I love more than life itself, mostly as a friend...

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: ...to confess my infidelity, my breaking of his heart to the entire world. I also apologize to our daughter - I think our, definitely mine.

(Soundbite of laughter)

GROSS: That's my guest, Samantha Bee, with Jon Stewart, and standing at her side in that sketch is her actual husband, Jason Jones, who is also a regular on "The Daily Show," and he is wearing a women's blazer with pearls.

Samantha Bee, you are so funny. Welcome to FRESH AIR.

Ms. BEE: Oh, thank you.

GROSS: I am so happy to have you on our show.

Ms. BEE: I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. I'm very excited.

GROSS: And congratulations on your new memoir, "I Know I Am, But What Are You?" As we just heard, you work with your husband, Jason Jones, on "The Daily Show," but you come from a long line of divorced people. So I'd like you to read an excerpt from your memoir about that. So here's a reading from Samantha Bee's new book, "I Know I Am, But What Are You?"

Ms. BEE: Okay. (Reading) Our family legacy of failed marriage dates back to the era in which women whose behavior vaguely pushed the boundaries of social acceptability were automatically considered either mentally deficient or, more likely, hookers.

If you wanted to be an actor, for example, that was just an artsy way of saying: I do it for money. If you opted to have a job, then you may have been a career gal by day, but everyone knew it was probably just a front for your nighttime hookering. And if you dared to get a divorce, then you were indisputably a hooker, and God bless the poor husband who had to put up with you for so long, you horrible floozy.

The women in my family were often suspected of this kind of sluttery, but the glorious truth is that they mostly just loved to marry sadists, men who liked to beat them up physically or psychologically, drink up all the food money, start a side family, and then proceed to drink up all their new family's food money too.

It was quite a collection of gentlemen that the women on both sides of my family had collectively cast aside. I'm sure they would have endured any tawdry accusations with relish if those accusations had been accompanied by divorce papers.

Dating from well before the turn of the 20th century, if there has ever been a successful, happy marriage in my family lineage, I've yet to hear about it.

GROSS: You know, it's amazing hearing about that history of divorce and unhappy marriage in your family, and you have such a public marriage because you work with your husband, Jason Jones.

Ms. BEE: I know. It's just a front.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: I know, I really - it's really - because Jason comes from a very tight-knit family, a large family, and this is not - this is not their narrative. So I was nervous that his family would find out about my back story and think that I was not trustworthy.

GROSS: Now, your memoir is about growing up with your mother, your stepfather, your father, your stepmother, plus grandmother and great-grandmother. That's a lot of people to answer to.

Ms. BEE: A lot of people to answer to, and it was just me. I'm an only child, so, you know, so I was like a little miniature adult at a very early age.

GROSS: It must have been really confusing because it sounds like your mother was really into a very open idea of what childhood should be and when a child should learn about sex, whereas, like, your father and stepmother were much more conservative about that, as I imagine your grandmother was too. It just sounds so confusing.

Ms. BEE: It was confusing. I really - listen, it's not a sad - it's not a sad story by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, there was always love in the home, whatever that home consisted of at the time. But it was - I never knew who I was. I was a different person in everybody's home. You know what I mean?

GROSS: Yeah.

Ms. BEE: I changed myself depending on whose house I was living at. I was most myself at my grandmother's, I would say.

GROSS: What were some of the changes from house to house?

Ms. BEE: Well, my father and my stepmother, and you know, believe me, I love them, but they were a lot more high maintenance. You know, they expected a lot of childness from me that I was really not capable of. I mean, I was used to - I was just used to being - people who treated me in a more adult way and allowed me to have, you know, preferences and, you know, things I didn't want to do just didn't seem important to them.

But when I was at my father and my stepmother's home, they just really expected me to want to do things like ride a bicycle, play jacks, talk to other children.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: I was just so unfamiliar with that. It was really like being thrown into a den of lions. I'm just not - I was not physical or competitive or really interested in talking to other kids. I'm kind of -I was very - so shy, so shy.

GROSS: Now, you write that your mother thought it was unhealthy to prolong childhood past the age of seven, and she taught you the facts of life pretty early with the help of a book that she gave you.

Ms. BEE: Oh. Yes.

GROSS: Tell us what the book was like. It sounds like a very odd book to give a child.

Ms. BEE: The book... Oh. It really is not meant for children, but it...

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: She just tossed it at me one day. She just decided that it was time for me to learn all, you know, to learn all about sex, to learn all about the terms for every sexual proclivity in existence, and, you know, I was playing with my dollies at the time. I mean, I was getting them ready for bed, putting their hair in pincurls, and she just sort of tossed it at me. It was this little - it was this little red book, and it just described every sex act.

It wasn't a scientific book. It was just a book that described every sex act imaginable. And so that's - and I was an avid reader. So I just - I opened up the book and I started reading, and then I had - man, I had questions.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: I actually called my - when I was writing this book, I called my mother and - because I was trying to track down the book. I wanted to know if she still had it, and she had gotten rid of it for whatever reason. Maybe she lost it in a move. But we both lamented that. It would have been great to have. Well, I'd love to give it to my children.

GROSS: Oh, sure.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Probably hit them with it when they're around six, as soon as they can start to read.

GROSS: My guest is Samantha Bee. She's a correspondent on "The Daily Show" and author of a new memoir called "I Know I Am, But What Are You?"

You're a working woman, you know, on "The Daily Show," and three children is a lot, I think, for somebody with a career.

Ms. BEE: It is, but I have to say, "The Daily Show" could not be more accommodating. It really is a very family-friendly place to work, and I think maybe that would surprise people. Maybe it wouldn't. But they are great about it.

They are happy when people have children there. It's - nobody goes into distress or lockdown mode. Everybody seems so warm - everybody's very warm and embracing, and you know, they've been so accommodating with us, bringing our children with us when we go away.

When we went to the conventions in 2008, I actually brought both my kids. Fletcher had just been born. He was only eight weeks old. And we carted him off to Denver and everybody was so great about it. So they really make it possible for us to - and they're just - they could not be more wonderful.

And actually, it's very helpful. It's really nice that they hired Jason because that makes it a lot easier on me, because we just - we have adult time together. Being at work is kind of like being on a date, minus the S-E-X. You know.

GROSS: You - yeah, I get it. You've done field work, for instance, at the National Republican Convention.

Ms. BEE: Mm-hmm. Yes.

GROSS: Where you did a piece trying to get Republicans to say the word choice.

Ms. BEE: Oh my - that was an incredible experience.

GROSS: I want you to talk about that. Describe the piece, first of all, for listeners who haven't heard it.

Ms. BEE: Well, I don't - I don't know if I can describe it as well as someone who hasn't seen it, because I don't - because, you know, we are such a daily show, I don't really remember things well.

But I do remember trying to - that the, you know, the main purpose of the piece was to get all of those people to say the word choice. It was like they had...

GROSS: I should stop here and say this was right after Sarah Palin had given her address at the convention, and people at this point knew that her daughter was pregnant and that her daughter had decided to carry to term. I mean, there's absolutely no question of abortion here.

Ms. BEE: They kept talking about making a choice to, you know, in their case, you know, in her case to keep the baby, when really all they really seemed to be planning to do was take away everybody's choice and not make it a choice at all.

So choice became this key word, you know, in all of their speeches and directives and internal memos and things. It seemed like they were trying to eradicate the word completely, because we couldn't get people to say it. We just couldn't get people to say it. They just kind of went around and around and around and around and around without saying it.

So we interviewed so many people, and they just wouldn't say the word choice.

GROSS: So in this excerpt, Samantha Bee is interviewing several people, trying to get them to say the word choice.

(Soundbite of television program, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart")

Unidentified Man #1: She said no, it's a human being.

Ms. BEE: She made the - I'm sorry, what is...

Unidentified Man #1: She made the decision.

Ms. BEE: The decision, the decision.

There's another word I'm looking for. It rhymes with - I think it rhymes with voice. Every family and every woman should have the right to - I'm sorry, what's the word I'm looking for? It's her family, it's her - God, what is the word? What is the word I'm looking for? It's like an alternative, or if you have two things. You be Sarah Palin, and I'll be her 17-year-old daughter.

Unidentified Woman #1: Bristol, you know, you and I have always been able to openly discuss things.

Ms. BEE: What do you want to talk to me about? I'm totally busy right now, Mom. Can you get out of my room?

It's like when you have a lot of options, and you have to select one. What's the word I'm looking for? What is the word?

Unidentified Woman #2: Adoption is one.

Ms. BEE: No, there's a specific word I'm looking for.

Unidentified Woman #3: And I'm sure the family will be able to make the best decision for them.

Ms. BEE: But they'll have the freedom to make that decision.

Hold on a second. I'm talking to my boyfriend. Can I call you back? My mom's in my room, and she wants to talk to me about something. Hold on, I'll call you back.

Unidentified Woman #4: Yes, but I don't think the - I don't think that the decision, I think it should be not - I think that the family decision would become, as how - yes, okay.

Ms. BEE: You know, when you have, like, an alternative. What's the word I'm looking for, alternative?

Unidentified Man #2: A different choice?

Ms. BEE: Choice, yes, exactly.

(Soundbite of cheering)

Ms. BEE: Every family, every person should have the choice to decide what's best for them.

GROSS: That's Samantha Bee at the Republican National Convention, after Sarah Palin gave her address. And that's, of course, from "The Daily Show," where she's a correspondent. Now she also has a new memoir called "I Know I Am, But What Are You?"

So there you were at the convention, at the Republican National Convention, interviewing people, trying to get them to say the word choice, which you thought had basically been eradicated from their vocabulary.

Ms. BEE: It felt like it. It felt like it had been. It was like pulling teeth.

GROSS: So what did you tell them? Like, each of those people who you interviewed, did you say: I'm with "The Daily Show," it's a comedy show. We're - you know, how did you say who you were and what the point of the interview was?

Ms. BEE: Well, that's what we - you know, when it's something like that, and we're at a convention and we're just talking to people, you know, quickly, we're just grabbing person after person to see if they'll talk to us, we always tell them where we're from, and we don't necessarily tell them - we don't tell them the questions that we're going to ask them.

GROSS: Do you say Comedy Central, or do you just say "The Daily Show"?

Ms. BEE: Yeah.

GROSS: Comedy Central?

Ms. BEE: Of course.

GROSS: Yeah.

Ms. BEE: Uh-huh. Yes, they know - they know where we come from. You know, that doesn't necessarily mean that they know the show. Many of them know the reputation of the show, not the show specifically. They don't necessarily watch it.

(Break)

GROSS: So let me quote from your memoir, "I Know I Am, But What Are You?" You write: Hitting puberty excavated a wellspring of evil energy in me that led me to the discovery that my parents were vulnerable and had made mistakes that could be exploited in an interesting way. I was a scary teenager. My parents should have been much more scared than they actually were.

Why should they have been more scared? What made you so scary?

Ms. BEE: Well, I - oh, I was a terrible teenager. I, you know, at the beginning of my teendom, I took these terrible risks. I did all these things that children, that you would just shake in your boots if you knew that your daughter was doing these things.

And none of it involved, you know, copious amounts of sex and drugs at that time, but I would just go to men's homes. Like, you know, I was just a young girl, you know, 13, 14. I had braces on my teeth. I mean it was just so obvious that I was a young girl. But men approached me a lot, grown men approached me a lot and invited me to things and places and their homes. And I would just go.

I don't really know - it was the most unwise decision. I can't believe I emerged from that unscathed. I start to sweat. Talking about it, I immediately began to perspire, thinking about my daughter going to men's homes. I mean, it's just awful.

And then at the end of that, I sort of grew, I sort of spontaneously grew a backbone. I don't really know what happened, but one day I just kind of realized that that was probably not a - probably not the best technique for staying alive or intact.

I mean, I was completely at their mercy in places I didn't - I didn't know where I was - you know, in basement apartments.

GROSS: Why did you go? Do you have any idea?

Ms. BEE: You know, I think really it is, it boils down to the fact that I was such a people pleaser growing up that I was really just afraid to say no to people. You know what I mean? I mean, I think a lot of us suffer from that, but I really did. It was - I really did have an inability to turn people down. It's ridiculous. I've since learned. I've since learned how to say no.

But at the time - and then I became - and then I met a - and then I met a boy my own age who led me astray, and you know, we began this whole criminal enterprise. So we had this whole underground - you know, it wasn't a crime syndicate, but we were doing all of this stuff that was just terrible, and in the end...

GROSS: Such as?

Ms. BEE: Oh, we were - we became car thieves, I mean, to an almost professional degree. We were stealing cars and fencing the goods from cars and throwing wild parties. It was ridiculous.

(Soundbite of laughter)

GROSS: Wow.

Ms. BEE: We were kids. I mean, I - you know, I didn't even have my driver's license, but I was driving...

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: ...other people's cars.

GROSS: You weren't terrified of getting caught, or morally guilty about what you were doing?

Ms. BEE: We just had this unbelievable narcissism. Like, we just didn't even imagine that we would get caught. We did it for - I'm going to say maybe a year, maybe a year and a half, something like that. It didn't go on forever.

No, I really didn't develop a sense for the morality of it until a little bit later in life, when people stole things from me. And I thought, I don't deserve this. What happened? What are you doing? And then I - you know, I made those connections a little bit later in life.

I didn't really - I think I just was in that kind of teen state where you don't, you don't really value property, and you think that things are easy to come by. It really is just kind of - hopefully it just remains with people in their teens. But I didn't really have respect for things.

(Break)

GROSS: You've done a sketch or two satirizing the Catholic church and the pope.

Ms. BEE: Mm-hmm.

GROSS: And you went to Catholic school...

Ms. BEE: I did.

GROSS: ...which you write about in your memoir. So is it hard to satirize the church and the pope having gone to Catholic school?

Ms. BEE: Oh heavens no. I'm a lapsed Catholic, Terry, a terribly lapsed Catholic. So it is joyful for me to do that.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: That is pure pleasure for me, I will say. In fact, I'm working on a piece right now that is related to the Catholic Church and it's fascinating to me. I don't have any of that Catholic guilt. I've worked my way through that. There's none of that left.

GROSS: Now you write in your memoir that your Catholic school was considered a progressive Catholic school. What did that mean?

Ms. BEE: It was a progressive Catholic school. We did not, you know, we had Seder meals and those, those adorable traditions from other religions and we just learned about other religions and other cultures and that was just an important part of our - when we took, we had to take a religion course, of course. But it wasn't just our religion. It was quite inclusive and we didn't have to do - we didn't wear uniforms and we had to go to church occasionally but it wasn't a huge part of our curriculum. And we didn't have big gory Jesuses everywhere. They were monochromatic so you couldn't see the blood dripping from the wounds of Jesus.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: But, you know, my Catholic church was fairly modern. It was on the modern side. I mean listen, it's not that modern but as Catholic churches go, it was kind of on the more modern edge.

GROSS: You say that the Jesuses that were pictured in your school looked more like Kris Kristofferson, circa "A Star is Born."

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Well, sure. Very sensual.

GROSS: And that you had a crush on Jesus.

Ms. BEE: I don't know, you know, I've spoken to a lot of lapsed Catholics since I wrote the book and we all had a crush on Jesus. I mean, he was really designed that way for young girls to find him sexy and attractive. I mean, did you ever see the miniseries? You know the miniseries "Jesus of Nazareth." I mean, that guy was...

GROSS: Was that the one with Rubenstein? What's his first name, John Rubenstein?

Ms. BEE: Oh, God, I don't know.

GROSS: Okay.

Ms. BEE: I don't know any of their names. I just can really instantly recall the face of the guy who played Jesus in "Jesus of Nazareth." I mean, that was a really important part of it for me. I wouldn't have been interested in it all if he hadn't been, you know, had dazzling, dazzling blue eyes and wonderful silky hair. I mean would any of us?

GROSS: So what did it mean to have a crush on Jesus?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Well, I don't know that it, you know, I don't know that it meant anything to my present life. It caused, in my family, conflict because my mother is Wiccan and she became very concerned about me and my love for Jesus. Because I really, you know, just like all the other girls, I really wanted to marry him and I thought a lot about what would happen if he materialized in front of me. You know, would I be prepared to get down on my hands and knees and wash his feet? You're supposed to wash his feet, dry them with your hair, you know, there are all these rituals that you're supposed to do. But ultimately the goal is, you know, to be together. And she did become concerned about my kind of - my approach to that and my obsession with him, and I did have some, I did have, I didn't really have like, rock posters in my bedroom. I had Jesus - a big Jesus above my bed.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: And she found it really repellant. My father is just a complete atheist and my mother is into Wicca. So she decided that it was - she felt compelled to introduce me to some other stuff, so she made me go to like a Wiccan mass, which was just horrible for me.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Just terrifying.

GROSS: We should explain that Wiccan means more of a kind of contemporary, kind of feminist-spiritual approach to witchcraft.

Ms. BEE: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. It was very important to her. It has always been very important to her. But to me it was just satanic, because I just thought it was. It was just the people sort of looked vaguely - it was just too counterculture for me. But she, you know, she made me go and attend some rituals and it was terrifying. I found it just terrifying.

GROSS: You know, I've known people who have been into Wicca but I've never really known the child of somebody who's been into it and I've always wondered what it's like to be the child of somebody who has beliefs that are considered like far out of the mainstream like that.

Ms. BEE: Well, when I - I kind of felt sorry for my mother when I was growing up because I was so into Jesus. I thought oh, this poor lamb of God. She doesn't understand. She just doesn't get it.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: But now, I mean, you know, I'm proud of my mom. She stuck with it. You know, lots of people don't stick with it, but she's always had her little, her, you know, oh that was so, oh her little amulets. That's terrible. But she's always had her rituals and the things that she does. It's really an important part of her life. And so I respect the fact that she stuck with something.

Now, it's not for me. It's not for my husband, but she loves it and so, I wouldn't say that it's - it's not horrible or terrifying. It's not very intrusive when you're growing up. It's the most unobtrusive religious practice imaginable. It's very not in your face. It's kind of a private thing and people gather on the wrong side of the tracks to practice, whatever it is that they're doing. Being a child of Wicca has not affected me negatively. And you get to know a lot about plants.

GROSS: When I...

Ms. BEE: They're all avid gardeners.

GROSS: When I use the word witchcraft, is that okay or is that an inappropriate word? I want to make sure I get it right.

Ms. BEE: Well, I'm not so savvy on the particulars. I think it's okay. They're white, you know, they're kind of white witches.

GROSS: Okay. Good.

Ms. BEE: I did learn recently that the word warlock is outdated. Nobody's calling the male witches warlocks, because I made some reference to my mom's husband as a warlock and she was like oh, he's a male witch. Can you please not call him a warlock?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: Okay. So, you know, let everybody know: warlock, out. Very passe. Out.

GROSS: How did you get into comedy?

Ms. BEE: I came to it very late in life. It was not a goal of mine. I did think that I was going to, you know, in the midst of all of this, you know, terrible teenage-hood, I was still kind of scholarly. Good grades were very important to me. I went to college and I thought that I was - I thought that I would go to law school, so I was preparing to start preparing for my LSATs, and I ended up taking a theater course very spontaneously. Because I thought that it was going to be so easy and a breeze and that I would just blow it off and still get an amazing grade and boost my GPA. And then I kind of liked it. There was something intriguing about it.

And I - you had to do outside work. You had to do, you know, you had to volunteer to, you know, be on the stage crew or whatever as part of this class. And so I auditioned for a part. It was a Brecht play and I got a part and I didn't even read the whole play. I just did my part in the play.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. BEE: And I loved it. I had to sing. It was a, you know, it was a kind of a good part and it just connected with me. It just connected with me. So then I thought well, I'm going to be an actor. And so I totally refocused all my energy into becoming a very, very serious actor and then nobody would ever hire me as that because, you know, just wanting to be a good serious actor does not make you a good serious actor. I think I'm terrible at it or something. And so I struggled with that for many years. Nobody would ever hire me for anything.

And then I became connected to some people through children's theater who were doing comedy. And they asked me to fill in for someone, you know, doing some sketch one night at a grody bar in Toronto. And I did it and I loved it. I just loved it. It just, everything kind of made sense to me when I was on stage doing comedy. I got all that applause, approval that I had been craving all those years and laughter too, which was much better than tears to me in the end. And then I started doing comedy.

GROSS: Samantha Bee, I think you're so wonderful. Thank you so much for talking with us.

Ms. BEE: This was such a pleasure. I just love this show and I'm just so appreciative that you had me on. I can't even tell you.

GROSS: Samantha Bee. She's a correspondent for "The Daily Show" and author of the new memoir "I Know I Am, But What Are You?"

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