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And in older age, gay and lesbian people have their own challenges when they're looking for housing. Some retirement facilities, for instance, allow only heterosexual, married couples to live together. Some gay seniors also fear a cold shoulder from staff or fellow retirees. From the Northwest News Network, Chris Lehman reports.

CHRIS LEHMAN, BYLINE: When Pat Matthews turned 65, her declining health led her in search of a place with increasing levels of care as she grew older. One other thing: She wanted to bring her partner of nearly 20 years, Carol Bosworth. At the first place they visited, Matthews says, that was a problem.

PAT MATTHEWS: They didn't say we couldn't come. But they said that we would be best off if we were sisters. And we crossed them off our list because that's not the way we want to live.

LEHMAN: Matthews and Bosworth found a more welcoming reception here. This is Rose Villa retirement community in Portland, Oregon. It's a fairly typical senior complex. Here in the main lobby, people share gossip and do jigsaw puzzles. Matthews says she and her partner are fortunate.

MATTHEWS: Some of our gay, lesbian friends that are older than us have chosen to stay home, because they don't trust what they might find.

LEHMAN: And while Rose Villa had always welcomed gays and lesbians, CEO Vassar Byrd says the pair's story was a wake-up call.

VASSAR BYRD: I couldn't believe that, in this day and age, that that would happen. I was absolutely shocked beyond belief.

LEHMAN: Byrd says she set about making Rose Villa as hospitable as possible to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people - things like including LGBT issues in the diversity training that all staff, from nurses to custodians, undergo.

But Rose Villa's level of concern is pretty unique. And while it's nearly impossible to quantify, advocates for gay seniors say an increasing number are going back in the closet in order to find a retirement facility that will accept them.

HILARY MEYER: Older adults now have lived with this historic discrimination and stigma. And they have a tremendous fear, of course, of service providers carrying that into their work.

LEHMAN: Hilary Meyer, of the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging, says one of the biggest barriers is a lack of sensitivity among staff.

MEYER: Let me give you an example.

LEHMAN: Typical case: An elderly lesbian grows infirm. She has no immediate family, moves into a nursing home and...

MEYER: The staff at the facility dresses her in dresses and other very feminine clothing. This, obviously, can be very disconcerting to a woman who has not worn a dress in 25 years.

(SOUNDBITE OF DOG BARKING)

LEHMAN: Arguably, one of the most gay-friendly senior complexes in the nation is just outside of Portland, in the suburb of Gresham.

DOUG SCHUKAR: Oh, this place is a mess 'cause I'm all laid up.

LEHMAN: Rainbow Vista proudly bills itself as 100 percent gay owned and operated. Right now, everybody living there is gay or lesbian, but resident Doug Schukar says it doesn't have to be that way.

SCHUKAR: If somebody over the age of 55 wanted to move in here and they weren't, you know, judgmental and bigoted and everything else, they'd be just as welcome here as anyone else is.

LEHMAN: Schukar and his partner, Don McClure, moved here from Central California last summer. McClure says they spent months investigating retirement options.

DON MCCLURE: It was important for me that I could have a gay community, a place that I felt safe and I could be myself - especially as I start the aging process.

LEHMAN: Despite stunning views of Mount Hood and relatively low rents, Rainbow Vista is only about one-third full. Elsewhere, some predominantly gay retirement complexes have waiting lists. An all-gay retirement center may be of interest to some, in the same way that living in an all-gay neighborhood was when they were younger. Still, many gay seniors want to live in a more diverse community in their golden years.

ROD DOLAN: And this, in the springtime, this is all daffodils and tulips, and what have you. The whole area just fills up and...

LEHMAN: Back at the Rose Villa retirement center, Rod Dolan shows me around his garden. Dolan says he and his partner of 35 years weren't looking for a gay retirement home. They just wanted a place where they'd be accepted for who they are.

DOLAN: People were actually glad to see us. And they weren't saying, oh boy, here's our gay couple. They were saying well, here's our new resident.

LEHMAN: In fact, it's just the sort of welcome they got when they moved into their old neighborhood.

For NPR News, I'm Chris Lehman.

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