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President Obama and the Iranian president could cross paths at the United Nations this week. It would be the first face-to-face encounter between leaders of the two countries since the 1979 Islamic Revolution. It would also give President Obama a chance to woo the Iranian leader with personal charm, something he has been reluctant to do with his adversaries at home.

NPR's Ari Shapiro reports.

ARI SHAPIRO, BYLINE: President Obama has often been criticized as aloof. But at the start of this term, he tried hosting Republicans for a series of dinners. At Plume Restaurant, where the tasting menu starts at $95, he treated lawmakers to lobster thermidor or Colorado lamb. Other Republicans came to the White House and sampled vegetables from the garden.

Now that the GOP is threatening to shut down the government unless they can de-fund Obama's signature health care law, White House aides sound a little exasperated. Spokesman Jay Carney lamented that despite Obama shelling out for an expensive date at a fancy restaurant, Republican leaders once again are going home with the Tea Partiers.

JAY CARNEY: He has used the powers that are available to him to try to convince, persuade, cajole Republicans into doing the sensible thing - which is not threatening to shut the government down, not threatening to default.

SHAPIRO: Diplomats have a technical term for that convince, persuade, cajole, take-them-out-to-dinner routine. It's called soft power. Joe Nye of the Harvard Kennedy School is an expert on the subject.

JOE NYE: Power is the ability to get what you want. And you can either do that by coercion or payments, which is hard power; or by attraction and persuasion, which is soft power.

SHAPIRO: Another classic example of presidents using soft power at home is the congressional picnic. For decades, it's been a chance for lawmakers and their families to put on shorts, hang out at the White House lawn, and schmooze with both parties.

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: We're thrilled that you have at least one day where you've got a chance to be together in Washington, and nobody is arguing.

SHAPIRO: That was 2012. This year, the White House canceled the congressional picnic, perhaps because of scheduling problems or cost-cutting under the budget sequester. Whatever the real reason, the cancellation left the impression that the White House was peeved.

Republican former Senate staffer Matt Mackowiack says it was one of the few events left in Washington that brought people together across the aisle, with their families.

MATT MACKOWIACK: One of the things that's different these days is that politicians on both sides don't socialize. They're too busy raising money, traveling, speaking, doing things on their own side of the aisle. So those rare opportunities like the congressional picnic, the Christmas parties, they do, you know, sometimes offer those opportunities.

SHAPIRO: But even if the White House had sustained its overtures, some question whether any amount of socializing could avert this budget crisis. Bob Van Heuvelen is a former Democratic Senate staffer.

BOB VAN HEUVELEN: If you continue to go to your next-door neighbor and say, will you come over and have coffee and they say get off my lawn, and you go over and say, would you come over and meet my mother, and they say stop making so much noise, every time you get rebuffed you sort of start learning that some people really don't want to be talking to you.

SHAPIRO: Obama has said more or less the same thing. But soft power advocates such as Joe Nye say even if warm relationships are not a panacea, they are helpful.

NYE: The more contact you have, even if it's not going to solve the problem, the more it may smooth over some rough edges in particular cases. So, in general, I think more contact beats less contact.

SHAPIRO: The same can be said on the international stage. With the crisis in Syria, Obama badly needs some friends abroad. One way to cultivate those friends is with a state dinner. Professor Nye says these events are more than just ball gowns and boldface names.

NYE: I've been to them. I know that you don't get a lot of real business done. But they're very symbolic. They symbolize the importance that's being given to another country.

SHAPIRO: So it was another opportunity lost last week when Brazil called off next month's state dinner, protesting the NSA's surveillance of communications to and from Brazil. That was the only state dinner the White House had scheduled for this year.

Ari Shapiro, NPR News, the White House.

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