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(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

This game is called Job Search, and it's a musical game. But before we bring out the guitar, let's meet our next two contestants, Gretchen McLaughlin and Laura Howat.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: All right. Gretchen, Laura, what is the best minimum wage job you have ever had in your life thus far? Laura?

LAURA HOWAT: Oh boy. I know the worst one. But you want the best one - was being a maid at a place in New Hampshire on the lake they filmed "On Golden Pond."

EISENBERG: Oh.

HOWAT: And you got room and board and minimum wage for three months in special New Hampshire.

EISENBERG: That's nice. OK. But now I want to know the worst one because you - that sounds like such a...

HOWAT: Being a flunky on a $14 million capital campaign and being treated like a dog.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: OK. Ah, yes.

HOWAT: Yeah.

EISENBERG: I can see the difference. It's funny that the maid job was the better one, right?

HOWAT: Oh, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Interesting. Gretchen, what's yours?

GRETCHEN MCLAUGHLIN: I'm going to have to go with lifeguard.

EISENBERG: Lifeguard?

MCLAUGHLIN: All right.

EISENBERG: That seems to me that that is the minimum wage job. That seems like a big responsibility job.

MCLAUGHLIN: It is a lot of responsibility, but, yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah. But, no, no money in that.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Interesting and frightening.

MCLAUGHLIN: Sort of at your own risk.

EISENBERG: Jonathan, what is the best minimum wage job that you've had?

JONATHAN COULTON: The best - my best - minimum wage job?

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: One time I was the house musician on a trivia show on NPR.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah. Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Just kidding. I'm just kidding.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: But, you know, listen, here's the thing, if you hate your job as much as I do, this game is for you.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Again, just kidding. We are here to help with some career suggestions. I'm going to play songs with some kind of job in the title, but I'm going to replace each job with a perhaps, less glamorous, but more easily attainable career option. So contestants, ring in and give me the original occupation from the song. The winner will move on to the Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

You ready?

MCLAUGHLIN: Yes.

HOWAT: Yeah.

COULTON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: It's going to be great. You're going to love it.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Around in my home town. They're trying to track me down. Said they want to bring me in guilty. For the killing of a deputy. I shot the lifeguard but I swear it was in self defense.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Gretchen?

MCLAUGHLIN: Sheriff.

COULTON: Sheriff is correct.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: When you were a lifeguard, did you have deputies?

MCLAUGHLIN: I did. Many.

EISENBERG: You had many little deputies?

MCLAUGHLIN: Yes.

EISENBERG: They were like slightly smaller versions of you with smaller bathing suits?

MCLAUGHLIN: They received no compensation.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Even worse job.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Leather and jeans. Garage glamorous. Not sure what it means. But this photo of us. It don't have a price. Ready for those flashing lights. 'Cause you know that baby, I - I'm your biggest fan. I'll follow you until you love me, window, window washer.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: (singing) Baby, there's no other superstar. You know that I'll be window, window washer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Laura?

HOWAT: "Paparazzi"

COULTON: Indeed.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Now if appear to be carefree, it's only to camouflage my sadness. Honey, to shield my pride I try to cover this hurt with a show of gladness. Now, there's some sad things known to man. But ain't too much sadder than the tears of a telemarketer...

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Gretchen.

MCLAUGHLIN: Clown.

COULTON: Clown is right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: By the way, my first job in New York was as a telemarketer.

COULTON: You were a telemarketer?

EISENBERG: Yes, I was a telemarketer.

COULTON: Well, what were you telemarketing?

EISENBERG: Computer IT services.

COULTON: Wow.

EISENBERG: Yup. And I created something - I think I created - it was called, I called it reverse telemarketing, where I would call someone and they would pick up the phone and I'd tell them to go screw themselves and hang up.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Every like 100 calls I just had to do that.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: That sounds like kind of a fun job, actually.

EISENBERG: Yeah, it was really fun.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: There was a lot of crying. That song is accurate.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Started an escort service for all the right reasons. Set up shop at the top of Four Seasons. I'm Kid Rock and I'm the Real Mccoy. And I'm headed out West, sucker 'cause I want to be a barista, baby.

(singing) With the top let down and the sunshine shining', barista, baby. West Coast Chilling with the boone's whinen.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Gretchen?

MCLAUGHLIN: "Cowboy?"

COULTON: Mm, that's much better. Yes, "Cowboy."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: What is starting an escort service for all the right reasons?

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: I'm not sure what that means but that's - that is one of my favorite lines in all of rock music. It makes you feel good about that guy.

EISENBERG: Yeah. Oh yeah. To jumpstart the economy. Like just helping out.

COULTON: Yeah. It could be a good reason.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: You want to make a lot of money and you hate women, that could be a good reason to do it.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Do you hate women? Do you love money? Well.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) Summertime, we didn't have shoes to wear. But in the wintertime, we'd all get a brand new pair. From a mail order catalog, money made from selling a hog, daddy always managed to get the money somewhere. And I'm proud to be a processed server's daughter.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Gretchen.

MCLAUGHLIN: Cobbler?

COULTON: Oh no.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: No, I'm sorry. Laura, do you want to take a swing at this one?

HOWAT: I want to hit my head because it's at the tip of my tongue. Gosh, darn it.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: No. All right. Anybody out there know the answer?

AUDIENCE: "Coal Miner's."

COULTON: "Coal Miner's Daughter."

(SOUNDBITE OF GROAN)

EISENBERG: OK, Laura, it's OK.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right.

COULTON: This just hurts.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: That's trivia, man.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG)

COULTON: (singing) I was gambling in Havana, took a little risk. Send dog walkers, guns, and money. Dad, get me out of this.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Gretchen?

MCLAUGHLIN: "Lawyers?"

COULTON: "Lawyers." Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: OK. Here we go. This is your last clue.

(singing) Oh how it feels so real, lying here with no one near. Only you, and you can hear me when I say softly, slowly. Hold me closer tiny plumber...

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: (singing) ...count t headlights on the highway.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Gretchen.

MCLAUGHLIN: Dancer.

COULTON: Dancer. You got it.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: She has magic fingers, people.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Greg, what happened in this game?

GREG PLISKA: Gretchen is our winner.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Congratulations, Gretchen, you are moving on to our final round coming at the end of the show.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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