MADELEINE BRAND, host: Democrats are making hay of John McCain's many houses and the fact that he didn't know exactly how many he owns. Well, he may not be the only one. According to the National Association of Realtors, one third of all sales are of vacation or investment homes. So for you second and third and fourth home owners, our humorist, Brian Unger, offers this help.
BRIAN UNGER: Nothing gives a person greater joy and pride than owning a home, a place to call your own, your own yard, your own driveway, your own dog in that driveway that will bite anyone who trespasses into that yard of that house you call home.
(Soundbite of dog growling ferociously)
UNGER: Home ownership. It's the American dream. But that dream can turn into a nightmare when you can't remember how many homes you own.
(Soundbite of horror music)
UNGER: Imagine the pain and frustration of losing track of how many zip codes you live in. Is it one? Is it seven? A condo or a shack down by the river? How many homes do I own, how many do I own? Real Estate Amnesia, REA, not being able to remember the number of homes you own, is the leading cause of real estate anxiety... next to homelessness and foreclosure.
(Soundbite of hopeful music)
UNGER: For those who suffer mild to severe bouts of REA, the Aspen Center for Real Estate Amnesia can help. It's a treatment center staffed by fully-accredited real estate therapists, who accompany sufferers of REA on walking tours of their own homes. City by city, house by house, you'll rediscover the magic of finding your first dream home, the summer home on Martha's Vineyard, that ski-house in Telluride, the slum you rent to college students in Columbus, Ohio. You've worked so hard to collect these houses, so why forget them?
Can't remember how many bathrooms you own? Don't know where the circuit box is in the Adirondack lake house? The Aspen Center for Real Estate Amnesia can help with that, too. Room by room, from fixture to faucet, from pantry to pool, from broom closet to bowling alley, we'll help you remember every inch of the awesome real estate you possess. The Aspen Center for Real Estate Amnesia, with new facilities in East Hampton and Boca Raton. Because, on the road to prosperity, sometimes it's hard to remember your addresses. And that is today's Unger Report. I'm Brian Unger.
BRAND: I really like that movie-man voice that he had there.
(Soundbite of laughter)
ALEX CHADWICK, host:
Yes. Brian fits really on the radio, doesn't he?
BRAND: So soothing. Day to Day is a production of NPR News, with contributions from slate.com. I'm going to try it - I'm Madeleine Brand.
CHADWICK: And I'm Alex Chadwick.
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