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A Scheme To Help Joe Lieberman Survive
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A Scheme To Help Joe Lieberman Survive


Speaking of those rooting for the losing team, Democrat-turned-independent Senator Joe Lieberman was quite public in his support of John McCain's campaign for president. That miffed many Democrats. Some now want to see him sacked from his job as chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee. In today's Unger Report, our humorist, Brian Unger, offers the senator some career advice.

BRIAN UNGER: Mr. Lieberman, these are challenging times for our nation and for many Americans struggling to survive the economic downturn that threatens our security. But as Dr. Joseph Warren said moments before instructing Paul Revere to embark on his dangerous midnight ride to warn of the advancing British army, it sucks to be you right now.

Mr. Lieberman, you no doubt find yourself encircled by vengeful Democrats who'd like to throw you overboard like a sack of tea, who'd like to pay you back for that not-so-amusing Benedict Arnold impression you did in St. Paul this summer.

Senator JOSEPH LIEBERMAN (Independent, Connecticut) : What is a Democrat like me doing at a Republican convention like this?

UNGER: That line did not kill outside the Xcel Energy Center. So, in the spirit of keeping the unemployment rate as low as possible, here's how you can hold on to your job as chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs committee. First, when you said this...

Senator LIEBERMAN: I'm here to support John McCain because country matters more than party.

UNGER: You simply tell the country that you were abducted by aliens.

(Soundbite of spooky music)

UNGER: Taken into a spaceship, probed and reprogrammed to implant alien seed into the American mindset as the only means of saving the nation and the world. It works for Scientologists. It can work for you. And then there was this:

Senator LIEBERMAN: John McCain is the best choice to bring our country together and lead America forward.

UNGER: OK, so after the aliens abducted, probed and reprogrammed you, senator, you were dumped on a road outside Tulsa. You were tired, exhausted, just wanted to go home to Stanford, and you were offered a ride by a Rush Limbaugh disguised as Al Gore, a man you trust, who made you say...

Senator LIEBERMAN: The real ticket for change this year is the McCain-Palin ticket.

UNGER: Anyone can tell you sound like a man under a spell. That's when you slipped in the bathroom, hit your head on the sink and said...

Senator LIEBERMAN: Let's make John McCain our next great president!

UNGER: And what's left to say, senator? Simply, I don't recall ever saying that.

So, my parting advice, Mr. Lieberman: Go get a gallon of turpentine and scrub that McCain-Palin bumper sticker off the back of your Buick, and it will all feel brand-new again. Because in the end, if a senator convicted of corruption can get reelected in this country, then a senator abducted by aliens can get re-upped on a committee. Good luck. And that is today's Unger Report. I'm Brian Unger.

COHEN: Humor from Brian Unger, a regular Monday feature here on Day to Day.

Day to Day is a production of NPR News, with contributions from I'm Alex Cohen.


And I'm Madeleine Brand.

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