Dinner Party Don'ts for Budding Hosts

ROBERT SIEGEL, host:

Commentator Marion Winik has been to many dinner parties in her lifetime. And she has some advice for budding hosts.

MARION WINIK: It is said that guests are more important than the menu in determining the success of a dinner party. That surely is true, but how about the behavior of the host or hostess? Even with the best intentions, it is entirely possible to ruin your own soiree. For example, it's hard for people not to notice that you invited them over and failed to spend anytime with them at all.

You're the invisible man, working frantically in the kitchen till the last minute, materializing briefly at the table, then leaping up to start the dishes. Do you care more about the spinach pie than about your guests? Don't answer that. Just get out of the kitchen.

The most common of dinner party faux pas is to tell everyone what's wrong with the meal before they've even picked up their forks, particularly because you doubtless feel under the pressure of the situation that nothing has come out as you had hoped. But if the sesame noodles were better last time you made them, you should conceal rather than publicized this fact. Shut up and let the guests enjoy their food without having to devote their evening to rebuilding your self-esteem. Be steadfast.

Closely related to the miserable faultfinder is the rueful dreamer, because really, you saw this great recipe for Thai noodles in the food section of the paper but you couldn't get the lemon grass. No. You should not tell people what they almost won, or what they could have been eating. It's like talking about how everything came out better last time, just a rouse to make your self seem like a better cook than you are.

Anyway, most people love spaghetti and meatballs as long as you don't start raving about the lobster ravioli you saw on the Food Channel. Speaking of lobster ravioli, perhaps you have met the insufferable uber chef. The uber chef can prepare complex dishes from many different cuisines, and he does. He prepares them all, seemingly, at a single meal. His guests will be well fed, but more importantly, they will be intimidated. Oh, well, since all but other uber chefs are afraid to invite the gratuitous gourmet to their humble boards, this condition is it's own punishment.

Please note: because the host should never be more loaded than the guests, or at least not dramatically so, do not start drinking more than one hour before the guests arrive. Once you drop the salad bowl, ladel gumbo all over the tablecloth and knock over their wine glasses, it will be too late.

Worse even on the sloppy drunk is the divorce in progress. It's a challenge to have people over to dinner when you're in the midst of serious relationship issues. And for some of us, this is a permanent situation. Nevertheless, nobody wants to have dinner with the Bickersons. As hard as it is, you have to avoid carping at each other all night and trying to involve people in your long-running arguments.

I can't tell you how many times I've been guilty of this, but one night I finally saw the error of my ways. We were guests at the home of a couple we knew slightly. He was the chef of the pair - a bit of an uber chef, actually -And was taking his sweet time getting his famous jambalaya on the table. She wasn't happy about this, nor did she like the method he used to prepare the rice, the casserole he chose to put in the microwave, and when, in the final moments, the entire Pyrex dish smashed on the floor, my husband and I worried we might soon be called as witnesses at some sort of trial. I can't even remember what we did eat, so I hope that's not one of the questions.

SIEGEL: Marion Winik lives in Glen Rock, Pennsylvania.

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