The Bride Wore Vera Wang; The Groom A CodpieceThe wedding announcements of the Sunday New York Times — so careful in their cataloging of academic degrees and parents' professions — presented Rob Baedeker and his fellow members of the Kasper Hauser's comedy group with a perfect opportunity for satire.
Caroline Hanson, Dean Van Wyck "Caroline Hanson was married to Dean Van Wyck on Saturday at the Peach Tree farm in Scarsdale, NY. The bride, 33, wore a strapless white Vera Wang wedding gown. The bridegroom, 38, wore tight-fitting purple breeches, a white silk shirt, a fox-fur mantle, and a livery collar from which was suspended a diamond the size of a walnut."
The wedding announcements of the Sunday New York Times — so careful in their cataloging of academic degrees and parents' professions — seemed to beg satire from Rob Baedeker and his fellow members of the Kasper Hauser comedy group.
And so, in the new book Weddings of the Times, the group presents a collection of faux wedding announcements, all rendered in the understated style of the paper of record.
Baedeker tells Robert Siegel that the book was inspired by the "perfect and polished" nature of the Times' Sunday section.
"The inspiration comes from that primal feeling one gets when one sees a perfect picture, which is to scribble a mustache on it or draw some sunglasses on it like you did when you were a kid," Baedeker explains.
The fictional pairings in the book feature couples you're unlikely to see in the real paper. Caroline Hanson and Dean Van Wyck, for instance, experienced "some kind of miscommunication" regarding the dress code of their wedding: The bride wore a Vera Wang gown, the groom a padded codpiece.
Gina Flushing and Kyle Pearson, meanwhile, are an arsonist and a money launderer who were arrested during the ceremony by the officiant, who happened to be a member of the Carson City Police Department's "Wedding Sting Division."
Other unconventional couplings include zombies, Chihuahuas and the two-dimensional male and female figures most commonly seen on bathroom doors. All are accompanied by a photograph in the paper's trademark eyes-at-the-same-level wedding announcement style.
Baedeker says that in creating the book, the Kasper Hauser group was most interested in the aspects of weddings that weren't being reported in the newspaper. Take, for instance, the Weddings of the Times' description of the union of rabbit rescuer Bernice Bannister and part-time falconer Stephen Shipley:
In separate attempts to surprise one another, both Ms. Bannister and Mr. Shipley released groups of their respective hobby animals into a nearby pasture: she, a warren of Dutch lops; he, a cauldron of Peregrine falcons.
Ms. Bannister said the ensuing massacre, "undid years of my work."
Weddings of the Times
A Parody
by Robert Baedeker, Dan Klein, James Reichmuth and John Reichmuth
Dan Klein, Robert Baedeker, John Reichmuth and James Reichmuth
Jane Resnick, Paul Merrill
Jason Delbourne
Jane Resnick and Paul Merrill were married yesterday at the Los Palos Community Center. A friend of the couple's, Universal Life Church Minister Tim Hoddle, performed the civil ceremony.
Ms. Resnick, 28, is the founder and proprietor of The Bead 'n' Seed store in Ukiah, CA. The store operates using a unique model of "community commerce," whereby shoppers can milk goats or provide child care in exchange for beads or seeds.
The bride's parents are Dr. and Mrs. John Resnick of Long Island. Dr. Resnick is chief of Neurosurgery at Massachusetts General Hospital.
The bridegroom, 39, is also a "doctor": "Dr. Stoopid," a noted medical marijuana advocate who passes out joints from a unicycle.
Bernice Bannister, Stephen Shipley
Julie Caskey
Bernice Eleanor Bannister and Stephen Lee Shipley were married on Saturday by the Reverend Pace Newfeld at the Hapsbury Farm near Nashua, New Hampshire.
The bride, 35, runs a rabbit rescue and rehabilitation center in Nashua. The groom, 38, is a doctoral candidate in Geology at the University of New Hampshire. He is also a part-time falconer.
In separate attempts to surprise one another, both Ms. Bannister and Mr. Shipley released groups of their respective hobby animals into a nearby pasture: she, a warren of Dutch lops; he, a cauldron of Peregrine falcons.
Ms. Bannister said the ensuing massacre, "undid years of my work."
Mr. Shipley said, "Nature is not sentimental. But I am sorry that the birds did not obey my recall phrase, 'Hilo, ho, boys, come birds, come.'"
"That's not what he yelled," said the bride's sister. "He yelled, 'Mommy! Bunny! No!'"
Catherine Doyle, Alfred Park
Elizabeth Snow
Catherine Doyle married Alfred Park on Sunday evening at the Woodfield Country Club in Boca Raton.
The bride, 26, graduated magna cum laude from Georgetown. The groom, 34, graduated summa cum laude from Brown. The bride's father, Eugene Doyle, graduated egregia cum laude from the University of Washington and his mother, Kate Doyle, graduated double platinum cum laude from Wayne State.
Her grandfather graduated the harder they cum laude from Texas A&M. Her uncle graduated cumma cumma cumma cumma cumma chameleon laude from the University of Colorado.
The bride's brother, Lewis Doyle, graduated pre-cum laude from the University of Stockholm.
The groom's father, Bruce, graduated cumfortably numb laude from Cal State Fullerton. The best man graduated cumpire strikes back laude from the College of Outer Space. The best man's grandfather graduated viagra cum laude from Hofstra.
Elizabeth Freccero, Neil Reynolds
M. Brizgyz
Elizabeth Freccero and Neil Reynolds were married on Saturday at a church in the USA.
The ceremony was performed by Mr. Joseph Daniel, the FOREIGN AFFAIRS DIRECTOR OF NIGERIA who is in need of your most esteemed assistance in this very confidential affair.
Mr. Daniel is in possession of the sum of $1,000,000,38474 millions and with your utmost trust and help must ask your assistance in getting it safely out of the country. HIS DOCTOR TOLD HIM THAT HE WOULD NOT EXCEED MORE THAN FIVE MORE MONTHS DUE TO CANCER PROBLEM OF THE PEDUNDULAM AND THORAT. THE ONE THAT DISTURBS HIM MOST IS HIS BLOOD PRESSURE SICKNESS. HIS WIFE IS A JUNIOR PRINCESS (PRINCESS ROSEMARY KHALIFA), TOO YOUNG TO ACCEPT THE FUNDS.
If you are interested, the Mr. Jeff Daniels is ready to pay 10% interest of one million thousand hundred. Please send your kind and urgent response to Mr. Daniel.
You and God and I are a threesome,
Mr. Joseph Daniel
Brittany Dowling, Glen Dorio
Kasper Hauser
Glen Dorio, a scuba diving instructor, and Brittany Dowling, a professional photographer, held an underwater wedding ceremony in a shark cage near the Dyer islands off the coast of South Africa.
The bride and groom are survived by their parents, Joan and Arlen Dorio, and Briana and Delray Dowling.
Jason Delbourne
Julie Caskey
Elizabeth Snow
M. Brizgyz
Kasper Hauser
