Who's Carl This Time? Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: A compromising position; A modern day Blofeld; And someone who asks and someone who tells.
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Who's Carl This Time?

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Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

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Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: A compromising position; A modern day Blofeld; And someone who asks and someone who tells.

CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Thanks. We have got a great show for you today. Joining us later to play Not My Job is Steve Wozniak, the guy, who along with Steve Jobs, founded Apple computer.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We've got a lot of questions for Woz. Starting with, how come I can play Plants Versus Zombies on my iPhone, but I can't make any phone calls?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll be asking much less difficult questions of you, so give us a call. The number 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JESSICA TIFTON: Hi, this is Jessica from San Francisco.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in San Fran?

TIFTON: Things in San Fran are fabulous.

SAGAL: I'm so glad to hear it. What do you do there?

TIFTON: I am an attorney at a law firm here.

SAGAL: Oh, really?

TIFTON: Yes.

SAGAL: So is it different being an attorney in San Francisco than elsewhere?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I guess I mean to say is, are you evil? I guess.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because it doesn't seem right to be evil in San Francisco.

TIFTON: It doesn't seem right, no. Well I don't think I'm evil, but I feel like most people that are evil don't usually think they are. So...

SAGAL: That's the thing.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So you don't really know.

TIFTON: Right.

SAGAL: Jessica, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our extremely evil panel this week. First, say hello to a comedian and a founder of the "Axis of Evil" comedy tour, Mr. Maz Jobrani.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

MAZ JOBRANI: Hello, Jessica.

TIFTON: Hello Evil Joe.

JOBRANI: Yes.

SAGAL: Next, say hello to an advice columnist and an author of "The Mighty Queens of Freeville," Ms. Amy Dickinson.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

AMY DICKINSON: Hi, Jessica.

TIFTON: Hello.

SAGAL: And next, say hello to the author of, most recently, "Hail, Hail Euphoria: The Marx Brothers in Duck Soup," Mr. Roy Blount Jr., right there.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROY BLOUNT JR: Hi, Jessica.

TIFTON: Hi.

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Jessica. You're going to start us off with Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotes from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your home answering machine. You ready to go?

TIFTON: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is from a Democratic congressman named Gary Ackerman. He was reacting to a White House deal made this week.

KASELL: I disagree that we didn't get anything, we got screwed.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Mr. Ackerman was speaking for many of his caucus in reaction to what?

TIFTON: I believe it was Obama's tax plan, spending plan.

SAGAL: Yes. Yeah, the big tax deal with the Republicans, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: President Obama's supporters have been adrift since President Bush left office, desperately in need of an enemy. Now they have one, President Obama.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Liberals were outraged with the deal the president announced with congressional Republicans, which will extend all of the Bush tax cuts, including the ones for the rich. Asked what they would do instead, in the face of really effective Republican opposition, the Democrats said they would lose and then bury their heads in the sand but with their heads held high.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: It's remarkable, too, the Republicans can be effective with such a complex message: Debt's bad and taxes are bad. I could sell that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, this is the thing, the Republicans won the midterms by promising to rein in the deficit. And their explanation is they're not adding to the deficit by cutting all these taxes because the money belongs to the American people. That's what they say. It just reminds us of the old Ben Franklin saying, a penny saved is my penny, mine, mine, mine, you can't have it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is true. The White House, so appalled by the reaction among the Democratic caucus, they started listening and announcing every Democrat who agreed with the deal, including - this is true - the Democratic mayor of Kokomo, Indiana.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because, as they say in political circles, as goes Kokomo, so goes Muncie.

DICKINSON: So goes...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Obama said that he had to give in to the Republicans because the Republicans were acting like, quote, "hostage takers." The hostage in this case being the American economy. And he had to make a deal because, as he said, otherwise the hostage would get hurt. But usually when you give in to hostage takers, you get the hostage back.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If this was like a real kidnapping, Obama would pay the ransom and then ask the kidnappers to tuck the kid in every night.

JOBRANI: Does that make the Republicans terrorists?

SAGAL: He didn't say that. A Democratic congressman called them terrorists.

JOBRANI: Oh, is that right?

SAGAL: He called them hostage takers.

JOBRANI: Finally, someone else is not the least of (unintelligible).

DICKINSON: Yeah, Maz is...

SAGAL: All righty. Jessica, your next quote is about a polarizing figure in this week's news.

KASELL: I wanted to like him, but didn't. It may have been because of his hair.

SAGAL: That was a Vanity Fair reporter talking about the recently arrested and interesting coiffed Julian Assange, the man who was behind what?

TIFTON: WikiLeaks.

SAGAL: WikiLeaks, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Julian Assange, WikiLeaks, yes, you got it.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Julian Assange has gone from like a mere computer programmer to becoming this mysterious James Bond villain-like character. He's got this creepy look. He's got a real underground lair, where he keeps his computer servers. He probably has a cat he stokes obsessively.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's Wiki Finger or Golden Leaks.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Wait a minute. That sounds like...

SAGAL: No, no, no, no, no.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I didn't mean anything by it.

DICKINSON: Well, you know, it's funny, whenever I hear WikiLeaks - anybody else, this happen? Like, just I hear WikiLeaks, I think, Depends.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Like, am I the only one that makes this leap? It's just...

BLOUNT JR: That's right, don't look now, but you...

SAGAL: For national and personal security, try...

DICKINSON: WikiLeaks.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But this James Bond villain metaphor, which everybody's using, it only works if, like, James Bond villains in the movies, instead of trying to take over the world, only revealed embarrassing information about James Bond.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Like, yes, Mr. Bond, you are a womanizer and you may have a martini problem, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's the extent of their plot. Anyway, he's now in a British jail. He's awaiting extradition on sex charges. So skeevy that even his supporters are saying, too much information. It turns out, in the end, that Assange is a lot like, say, PETA. Even if you agree with what he's doing, you kind of hate him.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, Jessica. Here is your last quote.

KASELL: I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even kind of a lesbian.

SAGAL: That was somebody assuring Barbara Walters that she and her good friend Gayle are not that kind of friends. Who was it?

TIFTON: Oprah Winfrey.

SAGAL: Oprah Winfrey.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

JOBRANI: Yes.

SAGAL: Oprah wants you to know two things. First, she is on top of the world and second, she is not on top of her best friend Gayle King.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: She just isn't. Her big Barbara Walters interview made news for her tearful, but firm denial of thinking of Gayle as anything other than, quote, "the mother she never had." Now, in a more revealing moment during the interview, during this revelation, Oprah got all teary and she just yelled, tissue.

DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: You know, because that's her world.

DICKINSON: No, really?

SAGAL: You know, because she just shouts what she needs and her minions supply it. That's how she met Gayle. One day she yelled, mother I never had.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And her minions brought in Gayle.

DICKINSON: Wow.

BLOUNT JR: You know, that...

DICKINSON: Snack. Croissant. I mean, she's been yelling - come on, she's had a few snacks.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: You know. Oh, you want to tell me, like, Oprah's never gone, donut and had one brought to her?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So far we've insulted the president, we've insulted WikiLeaks, but now you're trying to get us killed, aren't you?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jessica do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jessica did very well, Peter. She had three correct answers, so Jessica, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Jessica.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations.

TIFTON: Thank you.

SAGAL: Nicely done.

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