Who's Carl This Time? Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: The embarrassing Talk of the Nation; On Wisconsin!; An out of this world deal.
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Who's Carl This Time?

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Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

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Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: The embarrassing Talk of the Nation; On Wisconsin!; An out of this world deal.

CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. We do have a great how for you today. Paul Reubens, also known as Pee-Wee Herman, will be joining us later to play Not My Job. But first, something I wanted to say, something I just, you know, feel the urge to get off my chest. I think members of the Tea Party are the most wonderful, patriotic, kind...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Good-looking people in America. And if anybody didn't hear that the first time, I'll be happy to say it again, right into your lapel. It's no problem.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: With that made clear, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888- 924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

ERIN RIEBEL: Hi, Peter. This is Erin from Columbus, Ohio.

SAGAL: Hey Erin, how are things in Columbus?

RIEBEL: Well, you know, I'm enjoying the monsoon season right now.

SAGAL: Oh, it's very exciting.

RIEBEL: It is.

SAGAL: It's when all the tropical flowers come out in Columbus. It's so beautiful.

RIEBEL: Oh yes.

SAGAL: It's great. Well, what do you do there in subtropical Columbus?

RIEBEL: I actually work for an international lingerie company called La Fenza.

FAITH SALIE: I've ordered from you.

RIEBEL: Have you really?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: Me too.

SALIE: I have.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: This show really needs to get a website.

SAGAL: It really does.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Erin. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to an author, humorist and hockey dad, Mr. Tom Bodett.

BODETT: Hi, Erin.

RIEBEL: Hi, Tom.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, it's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, Ms. Faith Salie.

RIEBEL: Hi, Faith.

SALIE: Hi, Erin.

RIEBEL: How are you?

SALIE: Good, thanks.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Finally, it's another contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and the host of Foodography on the Cooking Channel, Mr. Mo Rocca.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

RIEBEL: Hi, Mo.

ROCCA: Hi, Erin.

SAGAL: Erin, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell, of course, is going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job: correctly identify or explain two of them. Do that, you get Carl's voice on your voicemail. You ready to go?

RIEBEL: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first quote.

KASELL: Video kills the Radio Czar.

SAGAL: That was the Wall Street Journal, pungent as always, describing the sudden departure of the CEO of what company this week?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

RIEBEL: That would be NPR.

SAGAL: Yes.

RIEBEL: Vivian Schiller.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Vivian Schiller, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: NPR, our company, is going to hell in a totebag.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

RIEBEL: But it would be a fashionable totebag.

SAGAL: It would be. This was supposed to be the week that NPR made its case for federal financing for public broadcasting. But you know what we like even more than taxpayer dollars, a challenge.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So NPR's senior fundraiser met with some fake Muslim educators sent by a notorious conservative prankster, and he teed off on Republicans, the Tea Party and people who do not pair their wines correctly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He also said NPR doesn't really need federal funds, which is like going to the bank to ask for a loan and lighting your cigar with a million dollar bill.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Erin, can you send us some lingerie, because we're going to have to start earning some money?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

RIEBEL: You know, I think we could arrange that.

SAGAL: NPR reacted to the release of the video by instantly firing the fundraiser and then our CEO, in an attempt to appease NPR's conservative critics. This is like an island tribe hoping that if they throw one more virgin into the volcano, it will not erupt.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And, of course, all of this happened at pledge time. So, by the way, if you pledge this week, ladies and gentlemen, at a leadership level, you get to be our leader.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

BODETT: Didn't they fire Juan Williams during the pledge drive as well?

SAGAL: Well, yeah, they did, in fact.

BODETT: I'm liking this strategy. I don't get it.

SAGAL: I know. As you know...

BODETT: But it gets a lot of attention.

SAGAL: NPR's recent troubles, that hopefully have climaxed, began when they fired Juan Williams back in the fall. And first, he got a two million dollar a year gig at Fox, and now the CEO that fired him is gone. We wonder what Juan's third wish is going to be.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: God, who can help us? Who can help us? Who's going to come in? Maybe that lady who was running "Spiderman," maybe she can come in and help us.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's just what we need, Julie Taymor coming in to suspend us from wires.

ROCCA: I think that would be great. I mean, fresh air, like flying through the air.

SAGAL: There you go.

ROCCA: She did that.

BODETT: NPR the Broadway show. I love it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROCCA: It's great.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Turn off the dark.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After all this, on Thursday, more of Mr. O'Keefe's sting tape came out with another NPR employee saying more stupid things. We're going to make lemonade out of these lemons. We're going to make a new show out of it. It's going to be called: "This I Believe, But Should Probably Shut Up About."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next quote, Erin.

KASELL: "Yes. Winning. The defeat of the unionistas is nearly complete."

SAGAL: That was a very enthusiastic commenter at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel quoting Charlie Sheen while celebrating what?

RIEBEL: The Wisconsin governor figured out a loophole and was able to take away the collective bargaining for the unions for state employees.

SAGAL: There you are, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SALIE: I think Erin should take over NPR.

ROCCA: Yeah.

BODETT: That's the most thorough answer I've ever heard on this show.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Three weeks ago, the Democratic state senators of Wisconsin fled the state to prevent the Republicans from passing a bill that would crush public sector unions in Wisconsin. And then on Wednesday night this week, the Republicans said to themselves, "Wait a minute, the Democrats aren't here. We can do whatever we want."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Turns out the biggest obstacles to getting anything done in Wisconsin are Democrats and rules. So they did without both. They used a parliamentary trick to pass the bill. And then, just to rub it in, they went ahead and outlawed hemp, hybrid cars, adult contemporary music.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And they said, what they hell, and they outlawed Democrats.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: The Democrats, they could have chosen a more exotic place to go if they were going to take off for three weeks. They all went to Illinois.

SAGAL: I know, honestly, really. I mean, but, of course, by the time this all ended, the Democrats who had fled to Illinois, they had started new families here.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Many of them had lost their Wisconsin brogue.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But now that they've been beaten, the Democrats are considering mounting a recall effort against some of the GOP senators. And if that doesn't work, they're thinking of commissioning a really touching one-man show about the whole thing, "The Kenosha Monologues."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I do wonder if any of the senators when they were out of state, I mean I wonder if they felt love.

SAGAL: No, that would be a charming move.

SALIE: With each other or with people from Illinois?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: No, I just imagine like in this time of upheaval that they're out of state and they're strangers in a strange land.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: And they fall in love with each other.

SAGAL: You mean like the senators?

ROCCA: I don't know. I haven't thought that far.

SAGAL: So like a male and a female senator?

ROCCA: I'm not making...

SAGAL: Or is more like...

ROCCA: They're Democrats, it could be anything.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it could be like "Brokeback Legislator."

ROCCA: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It would be like...

ROCCA: Yes, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's like: I knew how to quit my job, but I don't know how to quit you. That would be the tagline.

ROCCA: Oh my God.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I'm filabusted up over you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, Erin. Here is your last quote.

KASELL: "27 years old, 150 million miles traveled, somewhat dinged but well maintained. Price: $0. Preparation charges: $28 million."

SAGAL: That was the New York Times. That was their description of a red hot deal that's going to be available soon. What can you get on just those terms?

RIEBEL: I'm stumped. Can I get another hint?

SAGAL: Yeah, its previous owner was a little old lady who only used it to go into low earth orbit on Sundays.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

RIEBEL: The Discovery.

SAGAL: Yes, a used space shuttle, in fact.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good. The shuttle Discovery landed after its last mission. It had been sent into orbit to retrieve a set of keys that had been left there on the last mission.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And immediately, people began vying for it and the other two remaining shuttles, which will be given away by NASA. Various air and space museums want them, of course. But that's no fun, because they'll just sit there. Why not give them to somebody who can use it? It'd make a fine vehicle for a large family, without the emasculating stigma of a minivan.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And gas prices are getting so high it's actually cheaper these days to launch the shuttle and then glide down to the mall.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Erin do on our quiz?

KASELL: Erin had a good game, Peter, three correct answers. So Erin, I'll be doing the message on your voicemail.

RIEBEL: Yay.

SAGAL: Well done, Erin. Congratulations.

RIEBEL: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you. Good luck in the lingerie biz.

RIEBEL: Oh, thank you very much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

RIEBEL: Bye-bye.

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