'Death And After In Iraq': Memoir Of A Mortuary Marine Jess Goodell spent eight months recovering and processing the remains of fallen troops in the Mortuary Affairs unit. "I don't think I ever stopped smelling death when I was in Iraq," she says.

'Death And After In Iraq': Memoir Of A Mortuary

'Death And After In Iraq': Memoir Of A Mortuary

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Shade It Black by Jess Goodell with John Hearn
Shade it Black: Death and After in Iraq
By Jess Goodell with John Hearn
Hardcover, 192 pages
List Price: $24.95

Read An Excerpt

Right after she graduated from high school in 2001, Jess Goodell enlisted in the Marine Corps as a mechanic. She was stationed in Okinawa, Japan — but she wanted to go to Iraq. "I felt a pressure both from my peers and from within that in order to be a real marine, I needed to go to Iraq," Goodell tells Fresh Air's Terry Gross.

So in 2004, when the Marine Corps' Mortuary Affairs unit in Iraq was recruiting, she volunteered immediately. Her platoon was tasked with recovering and processing the remains of fallen troops. In her new memoir, Shade it Black: Death and After in Iraq, Goodell shares her experiences in the Mortuary Affairs unit and explains why her job never got easier with time or proficiency.

While she readily volunteered for her post, Goodell says she didn't really understand the reality of what she was getting herself into — and no amount of training could have prepared her for the job. She knew she wanted to go to Iraq — and that the Marines already had all the mechanics they needed there. "[The platoon sergeant in Okinawa] said if you want to go to Iraq, you need to volunteer for a different position," Goodell recalls. When he said the Mortuary Affairs platoon was recruiting, "my hand shot up in the air. A couple of marines kind of casually, nonchalantly said, 'Goodell that's gonna be tough,' but I had no idea."

In the Mortuary Affairs unit, one of Goodell's responsibilities was to sort through the pockets and belongings of troops lost in combat. She found all sorts of things — crumpled up napkins, pictures, spoons, letters, even sonograms of their soon to be born children.

Jess Goodell spent eight months in the the Marine Corps' Mortuary Affairs unit, cataloging the bodies and personal effects of fallen troops in Iraq. She now lives in Buffalo, N.Y., and plans to attend graduate school in the fall. Courtesy of Jess Goodell hide caption

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Courtesy of Jess Goodell

Jess Goodell spent eight months in the the Marine Corps' Mortuary Affairs unit, cataloging the bodies and personal effects of fallen troops in Iraq. She now lives in Buffalo, N.Y., and plans to attend graduate school in the fall.

Courtesy of Jess Goodell

Goodell says that one of the most difficult parts of the job was diagramming the body outlines of the deceased. On the body diagram, she would document identifying marks such as scars, tattoos and birthmarks. If a body part was missing or not found, Goodell was instructed to shade that part of the diagram black.

The job stayed with Goodell day and night during her time in Iraq. "I don't think I ever stopped smelling death when I was in Iraq," she says. "Part of the reason that the smell seemed to linger was ... being a Marine in Iraq at that time, laundry services only occurred every couple of weeks, so even if we were careful and very clean in the bunker, the smell just seemed to cling to us. It seemed to cling to our uniforms. And at least for me, once I smelled that smell of death, I just couldn't stop smelling it."

After she returned home, Goodell faced a new set of problems. Like many soldiers, she struggled to return to civilian life after her time in Iraq. Goodell says she plans to use her experiences to assist veterans with post traumatic stress disorder.

Excerpt: 'Shade It Black: Death And After In Iraq'

Shade It Black by Jessica Goodell and John Hearn
Shade It Black: Death and After in Iraq
By Jess Goodell with John Hearn
Hardcover, 192 pages
List Price: $24.95


They brought in the first body. The grunts brought him in. There weren't lights in the middle of the bunker yet, only along the side of the wall, so we put the body there and then we ... did nothing. Although we had been trained, we didn't know what to do next. We were taught, but we didn't know. They took the time to tell us what to expect, but when the first body came in, several of us froze. We became inept and couldn't do anything, really. We just didn't know ... we just couldn't ... We knew how to complete the paper work and what had to be done, but when it's real, when it's no longer an abstract thought and when it's in your face, in front of you, you stand there, motionless, wondering, What do I do?

The Sir had called in every person in our platoon and designated people to particular tasks. He said, "You two are going to carry, you two are going to turn the body over, and you two are going to do the paper work." He wanted all of us there, I'm certain, so that we could help each other out, help each other deal with it, because I'm sure that the Sir thought that we might panic and maybe we weren't going to be able to do this. After all, most of us were eighteen and twenty-year-old kids still. If we didn't know it, The Sir did.

He gave us step-by-step instructions. "Roll him over to document his wounds." We may have known that a Marine was hit by bullets or a grenade, but we may not have known where. But when we tried to turn him over, we couldn't. Rigor mortis was setting in and he was already beginning to stiffen, except for his waist, which was like a pivot point. Even when we strained to turn him over, we could not. It was awkward and we were silent except for The Sir's slow, calm, firm instructions. "C'mon guys, you were trained on this and you know what to do," he reassured us. And so, eventually, we did it. "Okay," The Sir said, "now write down any distinguishing marks, any tattoos." So we did. "Now, write down which body parts are missing and shade the missing parts black on the outline of the body." So we did. We followed The Sir's directions, marking the wounds, drawing the tattoos, shading the missing parts black. We had to be told throughout what to do next and how to do it.

After the first body, the processing went smoother. The Sir organized us into teams of four, which were usually then divided into two members who would be the "hands on" for the body and two who would complete the paper work. In time, a process of sorts evolved. A body would come in and we'd remove every item from the pockets and inventory all of the gear that was on him. We couldn't assume that all of his gear was on him. They don't always have two boots. They don't always have Kevlar helmets or a flak jacket or the things that might be expected to be there. They are gone. Missing. The body parts they covered may be missing too. We then conducted an inventory of all the items that were in the pockets. Exactly what they had on them when they died can then be verified. When down the road the family asks, "Where is this picture? We know he always carried this picture with him," we could report that he did or he did not have it on him when he died. Or if money wasn't there that someone thought was, we could check our inventory. If there had been a pen in their pocket, or a note, if there were two twenties and two ones, we documented it. We would precisely document what he did and did not have on him at the time of his death.

We would inventory everything. Every body had a copy of The Rules of Engagement in their left breast pocket. Some would have knives or earplugs, food, a spoon. Pens. Rolled up pieces of paper, a scribbled reminder to ask their mother to send Skin So Soft or Blue Star Oint­ment to keep the sand fleas away, a scrunched up wrapper, trash that wasn't thrown away — trash that would now become part of a family's lasting memories of a son, husband, brother, father, hero.

There were pictures. A man and his wife and daughter. A farmhouse and barn in Iowa. Many were the pictures teenagers would carry back home. A high school student with his football teammates. A young man in a sleeveless t-shirt leaning against a 1983 Camaro. A letter in which a Marine tells his widow that he is now dead, but that he loves her still, and he wants her to give their daughter a kiss from him.

Some items were uncommon, like the sonogram of a fetus. Some were not uncommon enough, like a suicide note.

We would examine the remains for distinguishing traits such as birthmarks, scars and tattoos. Where are they on the body? What is their approximate size? How can they be described? We would write down the wounds that were on the body. If there are bullet wounds, where on the body are they? If they are in the head, where in the head? How many? We would get the appropriate form and mark the outline of the body with dots or Xs where the Marine was hit. Where body parts were missing, we would shade those parts of the outline black. If a part of the head was missing, we'd shade that area black.

We tried to identify each body, but that wasn't always easy. They may have their dog tags on, they may not. It was not unusual for a body to have missed-matched dog tags. It could be that a kid was wearing someone else's dog tags, even though it was against regulations. Maybe they have their military ID in their wallet, but maybe they don't. Their name might be on their blouse or trousers or cover, but it might not be readable, if it is there at all. When you share a tent or small hole with others, belongings get mixed up. Items such as these do not always match up, which is why we would write down everything a person had on them. Initially, we finger-printed them but did not continue the practice for very long because it became too difficult. There were not always fingers. Or the fingers were stuck in the position they were in when the Marine died, as if still holding his M-16, for example, and we could not unbend them easily.

We would then put the remains into a clean body bag and put the bag into a metal box we called an aluminum transfer case, similar to a coffin. We then placed the case in a reefer where it stayed cool. When it was time to take it to the flight deck to go home, we would drape an American flag over it and carry out a processional, a separate one for each set of remains. Four of us, one at each corner of the case, would walk it through two rows of Air Force personnel who were there to do the flying. They would all salute the remains as we walked them through. They would salute as if they were saluting the President of the United States, as if they were saluting their own fallen family members. Ramrod straight backs, their arms at a 45-degree angle. There was such a strong emotion contained in that salute, such a fierce intensity embedded in the ritual, that it never subsided, even after too many processionals. In fact, it got stronger. Each time we came away from it knowing in our hearts that we were all Marines, and that we were in this together. Each time we'd walk back to the bunker ready once more to go on.

If each processional strengthened our resolve, it also removed us a bit further from the mainstream of the Camp. As the causalities in­creased, so did the possibility of death and the awareness of what it was that the men and women of Mortuary Affairs did. Our platoon was to the Marines what the Marines are to much of America: we did things that had to be done but that no one wanted to know about.

The processionals and the nature of our work in general also impacted us as individuals. Before the Corps and the war and Mortuary Affairs, death seemed to occur rarely and to people who were old; another's body was off limits, often sacred, not to be touched without permission, and certainly not to be pieced together like a sad, gruesome puzzle; social isolation was temporary and voluntary, and ostracism was unheard of except when someone had done something unspeakably wrong. All of these taken for granted understandings changed for us.

Excerpted from Shade It Black by Jess Goodell with John Hearn. Copyright 2011 Jess Goodell and John Hearn. Reprinted by permission of Casemate Publishers.

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