Who's Carl This Time? Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: starting with The Least Popular Item at the Capitol Hill Deli; A Birthday to Forget and an Unsolved Mystery Nearly Solved.
NPR logo

Who's Carl This Time?

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/139046977/139046966" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/139046977/139046966" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: starting with The Least Popular Item at the Capitol Hill Deli; A Birthday to Forget and an Unsolved Mystery Nearly Solved.

CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks everybody. I feel the same way. We got a great show for you today. We've got actor and seemingly actual nice guy Jason Bateman. He'll be joining us later to play Not My Job.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: But first, you may have heard, it was President Obama's fiftieth birthday this week. His wife and kids wanted to give him a tie. He insisted absolutely on a new iPod. After a month-long series of intense meetings with his daughters Sasha and Malia, he got a tie.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: He's happy with it though. We insist on you guys giving us a call. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

PABLO LAURIOS: Hi, this is Pablo from Austin, Texas.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Austin, one of my favorite cities?

LAURIOS: Great, aside from the heat.

SAGAL: Yeah, the heat and the drought. How are the bats though?

LAURIOS: The bats are actually entertaining the people during the day now, since they're having to come out to get food while the sun's still out.

SAGAL: Really?

LAURIOS: Yeah.

SAGAL: The bats are, like, no longer nocturnal? It's gotten that bad?

LAURIOS: No, they're not.

SAGAL: Well, you know, they've gotten middle aged; they just can't stay up that late anymore. I know what it's like.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Pablo, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a writer for the Boston Globe magazine and the author of the book, "Idiot America," Mr. Charlie Pierce is here.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

LAURIOS: How you doing, Charlie?

CHARLIE PIERCE: Hey, Pablo.

SAGAL: Next, it's a television personality and a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning, Mr. Mo Rocca.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

LAURIOS: Hey, Mo.

MO ROCCA: Hi, Pablo.

SAGAL: And lastly, it's the woman behind the advice column Ask Amy and the author of the memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville," Ms. Amy Dickinson is here.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

LAURIOS: Hello, Amy.

AMY DICKINSON: Hi, Pablo.

SAGAL: Pablo, so glad to have you. You're going to start us off, of course, with Who's Carl This Time. Your job: identify or explain two out of three quotations that Carl is going to read for you from the week's news.

LAURIOS: Sure.

SAGAL: Do you; you'll win Carl's voice on your home voicemail. Ready to go?

LAURIOS: Great, let's go.

SAGAL: Here we go; here is your first quote.

KASELL: This deal is a sugarcoated Satan sandwich.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was Democratic Congressman Emanuel Cleaver talking about what?

LAURIOS: About the debt limit bill that just got signed into law.

SAGAL: Yes, the debt ceiling deal.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, that's what it was.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: After months of tension and fear, at the very last minute the American government was able to talk itself out of destroying the American economy.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, it's a pretty complicated deal, so Carl is going to help me explain how it's all going to work. Ready, Carl?

KASELL: Let's do this.

SAGAL: All right. First, there are some immediate cuts and the debt ceiling gets raised.

KASELL: Phew.

SAGAL: Then, a commission gets together to come up with new cuts. If the cuts package gets passed...

KASELL: Yay.

SAGAL: ...then all is good. If not...

KASELL: Boo.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...bad things then happen to both parties. Republicans lose Chuck Norris and Sean Hannity.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Taken away. Democrats lose Barbara Streisand and the next season of Mad Men.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: You know, to be fair, I liked, you know, Hostess' Sugarcoated Satans when I was eight.

SAGAL: Well, there you go.

ROCCA: They had the lovely cream filling.

PIERCE: Wasn't there an alternative? Couldn't they, instead of raising the debt ceiling, couldn't they have just created a debt sunken living room.

DICKINSON: Exactly.

SAGAL: It's very sophisticated living.

PIERCE: I love sunken living rooms.

SAGAL: By the way, this special commission that's being created...

KASELL: Super Congress.

SAGAL: ...people are calling it Super Congress. And you thought Congress was bad, meet Super Congress.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's like Congress after it was bit by a radioactive leech and acquired all of its powers.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: And this deal will save just enough money to pay probably for the commission...

SAGAL: Exactly.

ROCCA: ...which will decide how more money will be saved.

PIERCE: Let me see if I get the logic behind this. The problem with this whole thing has been there's too much partisan gridlock in Washington. So what we're going to do is distill it down...

SAGAL: Yes.

PIERCE: ...to the real stars of partisan gridlock, and that's going to get something done.

SAGAL: Right.

PIERCE: Excellent. And Harry Reid's spidey sense will tingle and you'll never know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: He keeps getting paler, Harry Reid.

DICKINSON: Well, wouldn't you?

ROCCA: It's like John Boehner took all his melanin.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I mean it's true, because they'd be the perfect shade if they just combined.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, throughout the whole debt ceiling debate, the American public became really frustrated with the seeming inability of our two political parties to agree on anything. So we're going to try to bring them together and maybe, just maybe, heal a nation. Joining us now, Republican Congressman Jeff Flake of Arizona. Hello, Congressman.

JEFF FLAKE: Hello, thanks for having me on.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Oh, a great pleasure to have you. Also joining us, here's the chair of the Democratic National Committee, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz of Florida. Congresswoman Wasserman Schultz, hello?

DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Hello, how are you?

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We're fine. It's really good to talk to you both today, and we're glad that you could join us, in a first step towards sort of bringing people together. So this is what we're going to do, we're going to try to find some common ground somewhere. Congressman Flake, what is your favorite movie?

FLAKE: Oh, that's an easy one, and she probably has the same one: "What about Bob."

SAGAL: "What about Bob."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, Congressman Wasserman Schultz, what is your favorite movie?

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Well, you can just seal the common ground. My favorite movie is "My Fair Lady."

SAGAL: "My Fair Lady."

DICKINSON: Oh boy.

SAGAL: All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh.

SAGAL: Let's move on. We'll start with you, Representative Wasserman Schultz this time. What is your favorite band?

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Well, it's more like my favorite singer, would be James Taylor.

SAGAL: James Taylor.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I'm just going to say, and I like James Taylor too, but as a Democrat that's fairly predictable. All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll...

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Well, my alternative would be Jimmy Buffett.

SAGAL: Jimmy Buffett, okay.

ROCCA: Stay with James Taylor.

SAGAL: All right, hold on, all right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Okay, all right. We've got a James Taylor on the table. Congressman Flake, your favorite musical act?

FLAKE: Well, I guess I'm supposed to say Toby Keith, but that's just not it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I understand if you don't you'll be primaried, but it's really up to you.

FLAKE: Oh, it's got to be Earth, Wind and Fire.

ROCCA: Whoa.

SAGAL: Earth, Wind and Fire.

ROCCA: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

FLAKE: I'm dating myself there.

SAGAL: I have to say. Okay, this isn't working quite as well as we'd hoped. We've got one more question. Congressman Flake?

FLAKE: Yes.

SAGAL: When the Olympics are going on, what country do you root for?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FLAKE: Now, if I say the wrong thing here, I'm sure to be primaried.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FLAKE: It's the red, white and blue, the US of A.

SAGAL: There you are.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Okay, okay, we got a choice. It's a bold choice. Wasserman Schultz?

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: The United States of America.

SAGAL: There we go; agreement.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

SAGAL: We've done it.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congressman Flake of Arizona and Congresswoman Wasserman Schultz of Florida, thank you so much for being with us, and for healing this nation.

FLAKE: Thank you. Thanks for having us.

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Pablo, you still there?

LAURIOS: I'm still here.

SAGAL: All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Pablo, here is your next quote.

KASELL: Here's your birthday present: your poll numbers are lower than your age.

SAGAL: That was a headline on the Right Wing Dog blog, celebrating, ironically, whose lowest ever approval rating?

LAURIOS: Barack Obama.

SAGAL: Yes, President Obama, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The President's approval rating sank to 43 percent this week, his lowest ever. His advisers were so desperate to boost it back up, in preparation for next year the Chief of Staff Bill Daley was seen performing CPR on the waterlogged corpse of Osama bin Laden so that Obama could kill him again.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, come on. That's...

SAGAL: Hey, whatever works.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congress though, I don't know if you follow this, Congress has an even worse record. Eighty-two percent of Americans now disapprove of Congress, 82 percent, the lowest ever.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yeah, they're all here. The approval rating of Congress is 14 percent, a historical low. That means one and a half people out of ten, only one and a half people out of ten actually approve of Congress. Of course, one of those people is just a pelvis and a pair of legs, how much attention can he be paying.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: My God, this looks like a job for Super Congress.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: What are they putting in the tea?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Very good, Pablo. Pablo, here is your last quote.

KASELL: Miss, you'd better look at that note. I have a bomb.

SAGAL: That was what somebody said to a flight attendant on a fateful day back in 1971. The FBI says they might finally have tracked down the folk hero known by what name?

LAURIOS: DB Cooper.

SAGAL: DB Cooper. You're a fan, I can tell.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This week, the FBI confirmed that an Oklahoma woman has come forward to say that her late uncle might well have been the infamous hijacker DB Cooper. He's the guy who parachuted out of a plane over Oregon in 1971, with $200,000 in ransom money, and was never caught. Now, you might ask, why is the FBI so interested in this forty year old case? Because the administration looked at the possibilities being put forward for solving our financial crises, and after intensive staff work, they decided the most practical solution was trying to find DB Cooper's stolen money.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Pablo do on our quiz?

KASELL: Pablo did very well, Peter. Pablo, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done, Pablo. Congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.