Opening Panel Round
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
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Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Roxanne, after multiple complaints from customers, a coffee shop in the U.K. is finally making a change. What are they doing?
ROXANNE ROBERTS: They're finally serving coffee.
SAGAL: No, they've been serving coffee for a while, but they're making another significant change.
P. J. O'ROURKE: They're putting it in the cup.
SAGAL: Tired of the customers screaming "Ow."
ROBERTS: It tastes all right. No clue.
SAGAL: Well no more, for example, double venti decaf skinny caps.
ROBERTS: Wait, is this the one where it's coffee.
ROBERTS: The sign just says coffee.
SAGAL: They have dumbed down their menu, right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: So, it's happened to all of us. We want a cup of coffee, we go into some overpriced chain coffee shop, we spend the next hour trying to sound out the menu while moving our lips. It's like, vente-what? So the Debenhams Coffee Shop has renamed all their drinks in plain English. A caffe latte is now a quote, really, really milky coffee, caffe mocha is chocolate flavored coffee, and espresso is two teaspoons of mud which costs $3.
SAGAL: You can improve the whole coffee shop experience by losing all the fancy labels. Instead of baristas, how about "theater majors?"
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
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