Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: Secret Disservice; Polite Picket; Sacking the Sack.
NPR logo

Who's Bill This Time

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/353699883/353700717" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/353699883/353700717" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: Secret Disservice; Polite Picket; Sacking the Sack.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm legendary anchorman Bill Kurtis.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. We've got a great show for you today. We've got the U.S. Secretary of Energy, Ernest Moniz. He will be joining us later to play our game. Now he is the second Secretary of Energy in the current administration, the one, Mr. Steven Chu appeared on our show a while ago and he lost our game. And that is why there is a new secretary of energy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let's see if the new guy can keep his job any longer. That'll be later. Right now it is your turn to give us a call and play our games. The number 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

ERICA MAX: Hi, this is Erica Max from Durango, Colorado.

SAGAL: Durango is beautiful. What do you do there? Do you enjoy all those wonderful Colorado outdoorsy things?

MAX: Well, I breed horses.

SAGAL: Do you?

MAX: I do.

SAGAL: Wow. That's tricky stuff.

(LAUGHTER)

MAX: Well, it can be. It can be.

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah. How do you...

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLIE PIERCE: Well, Peter, there are the birds and the bees.

SAGAL: I understand that. Erica, thank you for calling us. Thanks for being on our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning," it's Mrs. Faith Salie is here.

FAITH SALIE: Hi, Erica.

MAX: Hi, Faith.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, the man behind Esquire's politics blog, Mr. Charlie Pierce.

PIERCE: Hello, Erika.

MAX: Hi.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And a comedian performing November 15 at the Guard Arts Center in New London, Connecticut, it's Paula Poundstone.

(APPLAUSE)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, Erica.

MAX: Hi.

SAGAL: All right, here we go. Now what we're going to do, of course, is play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis right here is going to re-create for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, identify two or three of them. Do that, you'll win our prize, the voice of Scorekeeper Emeritus Carl Kasell on your voicemail. Are you ready to try this?

MAX: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote, it's from a government official named Julia Pierson laying out her philosophy for her employees.

KURTIS: We need to be more like Disney World. We need to be more friendly, inviting.

SAGAL: Well, Ms. Pearson succeeded in making her employees more inviting, which is why she had to resign this week as the head of what?

MAX: The Secret Service.

SAGAL: Indeed, the Secret Service. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Last week, as we talked about, a guy with a knife managed to run across the White House lawn and go through the front door where he was tackled. That was terrible. Turns out, we were wrong about that. It was great compared to what really happened.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Washington Post reported that the guy actually got all the way in and got through the East Room before he was tackled by an off-duty agent who just happened to be there. So Ms. Pierson succeeded in making the White House even more inviting than Disney World because at Disney World, at least they make you wait in line.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Well, no, I think maybe he got a Disney FastPass from her and he was headed straight towards the Hall of Presidents.

SAGAL: Absolutely. That's an eight ticket ride.

PIERCE: And you have to give her credit, on this particular occasion the Secret Service was really secret.

SAGAL: Yes. Nobody knows where they are.

SALIE: You know, Julia Pierson - was - she was brought in after the Colombian prostitute scandal.

SAGAL: Right.

SALIE: She was supposed to...

PIERCE: The innocent old days.

SALIE: Exactly. Makes us wistful.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. The final straw, I mean, 'cause we knew about the guy running in, we didn't know how far he got. Then we heard these other stories. The final straw was this incident that happened about a week before. The Secret Service was with the president in Atlanta and they let the president get in an elevator with a man who turned out to be an ex-con who had a gun.

SALIE: Now let's give the Secret Service some credit. At least they didn't let the president get in the elevator with an NFL player or Beyonc's sister.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next quote.

KURTIS: We're fighting for democracy. Sorry for the inconvenience.

SAGAL: That very courteous sign was seen at the mass protests breaking out on the streets where?

MAX: Hong Kong.

SAGAL: Yes. Hong Kong. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The world's most polite protests are happening now in Hong Kong. The protesters have a code of civility and generosity. This is true. They're actually leaving the streets cleaner than they found them.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: And they bring food...

POUNDSTONE: What we don't do that on Earth Day.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did you guys know that the leader of the protests is 17? He's been a political activist since he was 14. What does a 14-year-old boy organize and agitate for? Like what do we want? Maybe to touch a boob. I mean...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Seriously.

POUNDSTONE: Well, is that on the list?

PIERCE: Of demands?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We want academic freedom, real democracy and naked ladies. I mean, yeah - no.

POUNDSTONE: I, you know, don't think my son is all that unusual for a 16-year-old. And I just - he would never organize a protest for democracy.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I need to tell him about this though.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. I, you know...

SALIE: You know what? This is all for this kid's college application.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: He wants to go to Harvard so bad.

POUNDSTONE: This is going to look good.

SAGAL: You know, Paula, you've been a parent longer than I have. You must know you cannot compare your children to really extraordinary young people in the news. They don't like it.

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: At this point, he doesn't like anything I do. And I think this would be more fun than most of our conversations.

SAGAL: That's possibly true.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. He doesn't do his homework. I just think the idea of saying, you know, there's a young man in Hong Kong right now that is only a year older, and you and he has organized a protest. That's why I'm asking you to dry the dishes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Erica, are you ready for your last quote?

MAX: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here it is.

KURTIS: Paper or paper?

SAGAL: That is, according to the AP, what some grocers in California will be saying now that the state has become the first state to ban what?

MAX: Plastic bags.

SAGAL: Indeed, plastic bags no more.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now this is not as huge a change as you might think because for some time now, the major cities in California - San Francisco, LA - have banned plastic bags leading to a flourishing black market as people smuggled in bags from places like Oxnard and Fresno. Hey, man, I got a 10-pack of primo polyethylene. We call it New Jersey wowie.

PIERCE: I'm waiting for the new AMC series about the people who smuggle things in called Breaking Bag.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now whether or not...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let me talk to you seriously for a minute. Whether or not the ban survives, it's going to be on the ballot, it doesn't matter. The big question is without throwaway plastic bags, how are they going to pick up after their dogs, right?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. I think - we have the - I live in Santa Monica. And we banned bags - plastic bags a while ago. And you have to make several trips coming out of the grocery store, but...

SAGAL: Carrying each object individually.

POUNDSTONE: Yes. It's a really - I mean, I'm sorry for the jobs with the plastic bag company and all that. But it's a really no-brainer good thing to do. And the fact that it's a no-brainer is why Santa Monica did it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Erica do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She can celebrate with the horses 'cause she got a perfect score.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Erica, congratulations. Well done.

MAX: Thank you.

Copyright © 2014 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.