Who's Bill This Time
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm anchorman, anchor-myth, anchor-legend, Bill Kurtis.
KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you Bill.
SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you. Now we've got a great show for you today, as always. We're so happy to have one of our friends, Austin singer-songwriter, Robert Earl Keen back on our show. He'll be joining us later. He just put out a new bluegrass album, which kind of fits because his middle name, of course, is Earl.
SAGAL: He gave in to destiny, right? And we were wondering, can you make any name sound country just by putting an Earl in as a middle name?
KURTIS: Howdy, y'all. Billy Earl Kurtis here.
KURTIS: I'm just a picking and a grinning. Whoo-wee.
SAGAL: No, I think the answer is no.
SAGAL: Thank you though.
CHARLIE PIERCE: Well, it sort of depends what country we're talking about.
SAGAL: Yeah, it's true. Whatever your middle name is, we want to hear from you. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924.
Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
KATE BUSHING: Hi, this is Kate Bushing from Kirkwood, Mo.
SAGAL: Kirkwood, Mo? I don't know where that is. Where is that?
BUSHING: It's a suburb of St. Louis.
SAGAL: Oh, well there are so many suburbs of St. Louis.
SAGAL: Where everything is so peaceful and calm.
BUSHING: All the time.
SAGAL: All the time. What do you do there?
BUSHING: I am a mom and a preschool director.
SAGAL: A preschool director?
SAGAL: So do you have to deal with the kids yourselves?
BUSHING: Yes, and all that that entails.
SAGAL: That's - I mean, I remember when I was the parent of preschoolers - I have subsequently lost them, I have no idea where they are...
SAGAL: ...That I would take my kids to preschool and drop off my rambunctious 4-year-old with, you know, 20 others, and look at these poor women - always women who were doing it - and just pitying them. And so grateful that they had to do it for a while so I could like go get drunk.
BUSHING: Yeah, but it's worth it. The kids are darling.
FAITH SALIE: And Kate drinks her way through it.
SAGAL: I understand. Kate, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a future writer at the Houston Chronicle, Ms. Kyrie O'Connor.
O'CONNOR: Hi, Kate.
BUSHING: Hi, Kyrie.
SAGAL: Next, the man behind the only politics blog written in flame, it's at Esquire. And he is Charlie Pierce.
PIERCE: Hi, Kate.
BUSHING: Hey, Charlie.
SAGAL: And lastly, say hello to a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning" and the host of "Science Goes To The Movies," which you can find at cuny.tv, it's Faith Salie.
SALIE: Hi, Kate.
BUSHING: Hey, Faith.
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show Kate. We must always start our show with a round of Who's Bill This Time? That's what we're going to do. Bill is now going to recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, identify or explain two of them. Do that, you'll win the voice of Scorekeeper Emeritus, Carl Kasell, on your very own voicemail. Ready to go?
BUSHING: Oh yes, I'm excited.
SAGAL: OK, here we go. Your first quote is from an aide to Speaker John Boehner.
KURTIS: If Taylor Swift and Katy Perry did a joint concert at Madison Square Garden accompanied by dancing sharks, that's the only way you'd have a tougher ticket.
SAGAL: That was Mr. Michael Steele. He was talking about the frenzy to get a seat to see who address Congress?
BUSHING: Benjamin Netanyahu.
SAGAL: Yes indeed.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Bibi, as his friends call him, Netanyahu. It was nuts. Total frenzy in the Congress. Republicans were lined up for days outside the chamber. People were actually scalping tickets. Republicans - old-school Republicans - were showing off their worn, black tour T-shirts from the time Bibi spoke in Congress about how Iran was months away from getting a nuke back in 1996. Of course, back then, he was just opening for Hootie & the Blowfish.
SAGAL: Now some suggested that the Republicans didn't do this to undercut the president, they invited Bibi 'cause they want to convince American Jews to finally vote for Republicans. The fact that they don't drives the GOP nuts. What is it about being rich and white that Jews do not understand?
SAGAL: Did you guys watch the speech?
SALIE: I watched Nancy Pelosi watching.
SAGAL: Really? What was that like?
SALIE: It was far more dramatic. She was signaling her discontent and then as she said herself, she almost - Benjamin Netanyahu almost made her cry.
SAGAL: I'm trying to - I'm trying to...
SALIE: It was one of his ballads, I think.
SAGAL: Yes, when he got into the slow stuff.
SALIE: Yeah, yeah.
PIERCE: It was his acoustic set.
SAGAL: Oh yeah. Also as a Jewish person myself, it was exciting to watch all these, you know, Republicans cozy up to Mr. Netanyahu by trying to act Jewish. Like Mitch McConnell - so Mr. Netanyahu, isn't our president all mashugana?
PIERCE: I noticed that too. You got all these wonderful, waspy Republicans from, you know - Southern Congressman and stuff all, you know, dancing the Horah and falling all over themselves.
SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your next quote.
KURTIS: I want the public to see my email.
SAGAL: That was somebody who says she wants the public to see her email. But apparently she wants us to enjoy the challenge of getting it.
SAGAL: Just to keep us tough. Who is it?
BUSHING: That would be Hillary Clinton.
SAGAL: It was.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Hillary Clinton has not even - yes - has not even declared yet she's running for president, but her campaign has its first scandal. At this rate she'll be impeached before the first primary.
SAGAL: The New York Times reported that during her entire tenure as Secretary of State, she used a personal email address exclusively, not her official government one. That's bad. But worst, the address she used was Robschneiderfan69@hotmail.
SAGAL: And the question is, you know, nobody has any idea what's in those emails - yet. But why did she do this? Why did she do something so weirdly shady for no apparent reason? Well presumably it's because she's a Clinton. None of those people can help it. Her baby granddaughter has already made under the table deals to get mashed peas from foreign donors.
O'CONNOR: You know that 90 percent of these are about what Chelsea's bridesmaid's dresses were going to be like?
SAGAL: You know, that's what they said. They said, you know, we just took out the personal ones. And the example they gave was well, you know, the stuff about picking flowers for Chelsea's wedding. Turns out, she ordered the flowers from Al Qaeda.
SAGAL: All right, your last quote isn't from a person, Kate, it's from the website of a bright, shiny new restaurant called the U.S. Taco Co.
KURTIS: We strive to bring our friends and family the very best of what America has to offer.
SAGAL: The U.S. Taco Co. is an authentic hip alternative to awful places like Taco Bell. And it's brought to you by the same people who own what?
BUSHING: Could I get a hint?
SAGAL: It's for people who really hate Taco Bell and would never be caught dead in a Taco Bell.
BUSHING: Oh, Mexicans?
SAGAL: I'm inclined to give you that answer except I just happen to know that Mexicans occasionally do go to Taco Bell. They bring their children there to scare them.
SAGAL: Who would - let me ask you this - I'll give you one more hint.
SAGAL: Who would be really concerned about the fact that there are a lot of people who don't want to go to Taco Bell?
BUSHING: Taco Bell?
SAGAL: Exactly right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
BUSHING: That was a trick question.
SAGAL: It was. You've probably heard that the whole fast food industry is rotting faster than a Big Mac left outside - much faster than that. They don't seem to age. The problem for fast food chains is that the hip, young people of today just don't go for corporate mass-produced fast food. The solution is that hip, young people are stupid.
So Taco Bell has invented a new restaurant - U.S. Taco Co. They decorated the restaurant with corrugated metal and vintage signs. And they serve things like Friggin' Fried Ice Cream Milkshake in a mMson jar, right? It's very hip. In a nice bit of karma, though, so far all of the customers have been boring old people wearing fake hipster beards.
SALIE: Where is the U.S. Taco Co. located?
SAGAL: Their first - their flagship location is in Huntington Beach, Calif. They opened it there. And...
SALIE: I just hate every part of this story.
SAGAL: It's true.
SALIE: Mason jars.
SAGAL: Yeah, Mason jars. It's very hip.
SALIE: But they put friggin' on it? That's supposed to make it cool?
SAGAL: Yes. Yes.
SAGAL: Isn't that how all of the young kids talk?
SAGAL: Mcdonald's is doing it too. They have a new restaurant called The Corner. You get your burger...
SALIE: No. Stop.
SAGAL: ...Yes. It seems pretty blatant. They just put a handlebar mustache on each Chicken McNugget.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Kate do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Three and 0. She's a winner. She is a winner.
SAGAL: Well done Kate. Congratulations.
BUSHING: Thank you so much.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "COMBINATION PIZZA HUT AND TACO BELL")
DAS RACIST: (Singing) I'm at the Pizza Hut. What? I'm at the Taco Bell. What? I'm at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. What? I'm the Pizza Hut. What? I'm at the Taco Bell.
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